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#52650 01/17/00 07:59 AM
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we are divorced, yet i still fell married and i cannot stop contacting her. The longest I have been is 6 days. Everytime I see something that reminds me of her - movies, music, products, etc. - i wanna call her and tell her.\<BR>I miss her so much.<BR>Am I holding on to something that dosen't exist? Why am I DOING THAT? Why am I causing myself pain and keep going back for me. I hat the fact that we dont talk anymore. I hate the fact that we didnt talk for so long. I also hate the fact that I act " needy" around her, that I miss her so much. That when the phone rings - I hope its her. Yet, it never is. I want so bad for the good old days.<BR>I want her to get over the pain and on my time - not hers or someone elses. In one of my posts - i wrote her a letter that she wouldnt get.I wish i could send it to her, and maybe it would change her mind.<BR>I guess its just the powerlessness over other people that drives me nuts. Especially when it comes to her.<BR>I dont mean to make her sound ungrateful - she tried for sooo long to help us out, she wanted to go to counseling, met my needs, and yet all i did was take and give back meagerly. All about my ego.<P>When does the pain stop - .<P>When do i FEEL WHOLE AGAIN?<P>I dont want to become one of these jaded people afraid or hurt by love and afraid to try again. Yet, its sucks to hold on to something that dont wanna be held.<P>OUCH - one big ouchy today. Dip in the ride. Or maybe its over- and I dant get that thru my big, thick, dumb nugget.

#52651 01/17/00 08:39 AM
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Covenant,<P>I really feel I'll be in your situatuation soon... maybe as little as 10 days... maybe as much as 6 months... but it's coming for me too.<P>Before I get there, I will talk to Steve Harley and get some ideas...<BR>Keep in Plan A... (probably not)<BR>Go to Plan B... most likely<P>And if I go to Plan B... and stay there for a long time... I will have to move on.<P>I still think, for the time being, my W will get out of this "fantasy world"... but there are no signs of it at all.<P>Are you in any counseling now?...<BR>Now is a very important time for it... for you... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

#52652 01/17/00 09:32 AM
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covenant,<P>You are feeling so sad and I can really feel your pain coming across in this post. I am sorry you are hurting so much. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>This is the part so many don't realize. Once you get divorced, then you have to go through a different, but also painful, recovery process. The only thing that will help is time (don't you get sick of hearing that one??? I'd like to fast forward a couple years and skip this cr@p!).<P>Is your W showing any inclination that she likes to hear from you so often? Does she act bothered, angry or totally indifferent to your calls? If the longest you have gone is only 6 days, you must be calling her quite frequently.<P>I will offer this advice to you. If I were in your shoes, I would go to PlanB. I would try NOT to have any contact with her at all. This would be for 2 reasons:<P>1) It will help YOU with the withdrawal - Remember, YOU are now going through withdrawal from her - see what a powerful force this is and why it is so hard for the betrayers to give up the OP????<P>2) If you have any chance at all of her ever turning around and looking at you, you have to let her go and maybe further down the road she will begin to miss you. How can she ever miss you with you in her face all the time?? Also, she needs to SEE and FEEL what the void in her life is without you in it. That is your only chance of having a reconciliation. I know you want her, but to have a relationship, you BOTH have to want EACH OTHER.<P>Please back off and spend more time on yourself. As someone else on this board posted ( I think it was terri), Needy is NOT attractive!! Work on processing your grief and learning to let go. I know these are hard to do, but they are necessary steps on the road to your recovery.<P>Praying for you...<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

#52653 01/17/00 10:39 AM
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Hey bud,<BR>I hear you, I can say that I feel some of the pain (I am not in your shoes so I won't insult you to say that I feel it all) What I am learning is helping me... But it still hurts<BR>I lit a candle (biggie with 3 wicks... 1 for each of my girls -Tam and 2 kids) I will keep it burning when I am home. Love peace and truth.. <BR>I can say that I love you bud, and sometimes we need a hug. That is what I feel too.<P>What I can do , I will try<BR>email me<P>J<P>------------------<BR>Now I know I can shine a light to find my way back home...VS

#52654 01/17/00 10:43 AM
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I feel that I have learned so much and grown as a person, parent, and someday - a lover and a husband also.<P>I guess you cant make somebody love you. Even if you feel it to be the right thing.<P>I just wish she woiuld lose the anger towards me. And maybe if I leave her alone - it will.<P>God, i am pathetic. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<p>[This message has been edited by covenant (edited January 17, 2000).]

#52655 01/17/00 10:48 AM
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Covenant,<P>You are <B>not</B> pathetic...<P>You are a wonderful, and warm caring person...<P>and yes...<P>you are loved here... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Don't <B>ever</B> forget that!<P>Jim

#52656 01/17/00 10:59 AM
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covenant,<P>As Jim says, you are NOT pathetic! You are just having a tough time dealing with something that you don't want. It is perfectly understandable, too. You want your marriage and family restored, despite all that has happened.<P>Keep the faith, covenant. You feel down today and have every right to feel down. Acknowledge those feelings and learn to let them go. You can get over this terrible ordeal. It is early in your recovery process and I promise you that one day soon you will feel better. We are allhere to help you and we care deeply about you, your feelings and your life. When you feel pain, we do, too. Try to get out a little today. Force yourself to do something if even for only 15 minutes. Don't let life beat you down. You CAN make it!!!!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

#52657 01/17/00 11:37 AM
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thanks guys.<P>it does get better after awhile. They work together - and she says its over. But still, the attraction has to be there. I think she holds more guilt over him than me - or us.<P>I talked to a guy here at work- good lore, i am reaching out to anyone who will listen. I mistreated my wife for a long time - and she left. and i ask why?<P>i have come to realize that i need love and affection. As a guy, i think thats hard to come to grips - not manly. I had emotions and feelings and tried to stuff them or wonder what happened. <BR>I feel like I am being reborn all over again. And the growing pains SUCK [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com].<P>thanks again guys. Pain shared is pain lessened.

#52658 01/17/00 06:21 PM
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Rob,<P>I hate I missed this, I don't have much to say other than you are wothy, not pathetic and I love you.<P>The group has helped me through some tough times. Let us help you.<P>RMA had some good advice, hang in there.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>


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