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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 4
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jmk
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Junior Member
J Offline
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 4
After 2 years living together in a commited, loving relationship, my girlfriend is moving out. Been to therapy 2 times together and it hasn't helped to bring us together, but we are closer and understand eaach other better than ever. Jackie is questioning her love for me, her feelings about us, and says she needs to be alone, be independant. Says this is my house, I have this great job, 4 horses, ect. and she is just another thing. Nothing could be further from true. I love her unconditionally, and have wanted to get married for a year. She is 31 and I am 38. We have a wonderful, fantastic life together. we share so many things in common, cycling, Polo, reading, gardening together, mutual friends at fun dinner parties, a love of each others parents. She is the first to admit"this should work, but I don't feel the passion I should. I am Devestated. A major grief reaction, sleeplesness, reaching out all over the place for answers. The therapist asked what she wanted, " to be independant, get my own place ect." All I need to sleep at night is the basic commitment, don't involve any one else. No new sexual partners. Lets work on things. She will not say she can even do that. I know she loves me, although she doubts it. There has been no fighting over this, no anger or arguing, just a circular discussion. She tearfully looked for a studio, a few miles away. Will move her things 4/1. Our house is full of pictures of us she framed, things we bought together for the house ect. I know thisa must be hard for her too. She is moving into a small, expensive studio, from a comfy, custom home on 3 acres that she pays only a $400 share in with me. I can understand her need for independance, but not at the cost of the best relationship( we both admit) we have ever had. I said I wanted to marry a year ago, and jackie agrees she would have said yes, but we wouldprobably be where we are now. I think she would have been more likely to want to take steps to work things out. Now there is no connection holding us together, marrriage, children etc. I am terrified of losing her forever. Part of me wants to belive this is temporary and will be a good learning experiance, but I look at myself in the mirror and say " She says she doesn't want to live with you, she dosn't feel the love she used to and she wants to be alone. I am not a happy man. I am throwing this out to you folks who take the time to read these messages in hope of soem further insight. Thank you.<BR>Bob

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Hi Bob:<P>This is sure painful. Just think what it feels like when the same thing happens after you have been married for 16 yrs. (my case) We all seem to need "space". My advice to you is to keep loving her and do not smother.<BR>very important. I do it too much and drives my wife further away. Just love her, keep in touch but "don't push" (my wife's words)<P>Patience is the big word here. It may take alot of time and if both parties are in love...then you will come together. I drifted away from God after we got married in 1982. Now I a have turned my life 180 deg. and learning to get closer to God. I suggest an Evangelical Church for you to attend. It has helped me alot since I have been seperated from my wife and my 2 girls.<P>Yes, I see them often and have improved communications. Take some self-improvement courses, Parenting For Men, Anger Control etc. all of it helps and if taken prior to marriage they are invaluable. Good Luck


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