Ok, I have read the books and I really find that I think they can help. My husband is an avid golfer-everyday either he hits balls or plays 18 holes. I hate golf (small wonder). I hate it as much as I would hate a lover if he had one. So if we are to only engage in rec. activities that have our mutual enthusastic support what do we do ? I hate everything about it- the clothes the artifical surroundings, everything!. He lives for golf. My anamosity about it developed over years of feeling abandoned when he would spend all of his free time playing golf and none with me and the family. And, I admit, I thought it was a waste of time to begin with before I ever met him. I didn't know he was going to go head over heels over golf.<BR>If he gave it up, he would be resentful- but I feel like it *is* a lover: that's how hurtful and resentful I feel about it. How do we solve this?

Do things "recreationally" that you both can enjoy. Spend the 15 hours/week of quality time together that Dr. Harley recommends.<P>And then, if your husband still has time for golf, let him do it without begrudging him.<P>Your marriage should be the #1 priority for both of you. But that doesn't mean that golf for him can't be #2. Your "hate" for it is disrespectful---granted, its becuase you've been abused by your husband's use of it to abandon you.<P>Spend time together. Fix the relationship on that level. The golf won't bother you much after that's done.

Oh! I get it! Win-win.Hmm.. He'll be glad to hear it. I got him to read the loveBusters chapter on Anger which is a big issue for me in our marriage- He got it and then was read ing the mutally enthusastic recreation part and thought he was going to have to give up golf! Then he put the book down and read no further which alarmed me! This is better. win-win. I get it.<BR>MaryC

MaryC--<BR> lol, try conflicting work schedules, a blended family (my daughters, 15 and 9; his son, 9), gigantic bills dumped on us from both our previous marriages (my ex has filed bankruptcy inc. 3 joint debts, grrrr), driving to work 60 miles round-trip daily, and THEN.....my SO wants to play his drums, listen to loud heavy metal, and...LOVES football. OMG !!!!! I, of course, have a broader range of music interest that typically does NOT include heavy metal, and I HATE football. :-)<P>If we can compromise in problem areas, anyone can!!

Hi Mary,<P>Do you have children old enough to play golf? Maybe if golf isn't something that you would be interested in sharing with him... it's possible for him to include one of your children <if there are any> when he goes golfing? It would be a great way for the kids to spend quality time with their Dad.<BR>=)