My H seems to have convinced himself that marrying me was a mistake. He told our daughter that he was young (30 is too young to get married?). We had been together for over 5 years - you'd think that would be ample time to figure out whether you wanted to stay around for ever - but he said he went into the marriage with "his fingers crossed" because he wasn't sure. <P>He told her that she could learn a lesson from this, that if you make a mistake you should put your past behind you. Could he actually believe that putting your past behind you by leaving your wife and children is something that he would hope she would emulate? Do people actually tell their children when they are growing up to be sure and leave their spouses without warning if they decide later that they made a mistake? Can he have totally forgotten what it felt like when his first wife deserted him after only two months? I can't help feeling that somehow unresolved issues surrounding his first marriage (at the age of 21) and divorce are related to his current behavior and rationalizations.<p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited August 27, 1999).]

Hi Nellie -<P>How are you holding up?<P>I think you're right on target with him incorporating things from his 1st marriage into the current situation.<P>Add that to the fantasy that he is living out - well - this is what kind of gobbledy-[censored] that they come up with!!<P>Amazing!!!<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba<BR>

Nellie1 <P>You know you're right. He has a lot of problems. Keep being strong. You raised your daughter, she'll know what's right.<P>Lori

I agree, you raised your daughter right - she knows right from wrong.<P>And baggage from first divorce probably is unresolved.<P>Too bad your daughter wasn't quick enough to say, "Gee, Dad, if you make a mistake and need to put it behind you, why don't you just leave the OW and go home to mom? Seems to me, Dad, that this is the biggest mistake you've ever made?"

tnt, I agree, too bad Nellie1's daughter couldn't have come back with that one!<P>Nellie1, more fantasy. My H started saying that about a year ago to me. Thurs eve he said to me "I can't believe I almost let you get away!" Don't you wish you had a tape recorder for these moments? Sounds like your H is really unhappy and is searching for reasons (or excuses) why. <P>That's all for input from me, I'm pretty drained this weekend!<P>Lizbeth

Nellie1,<BR>It's garbage..... he has no right to be "teaching" your daughter those type of things. I am very upset about this because my W told my son I was just not the "right one". Now he says that it is O.K. to divorse if you marry the wrong one, and if I am the right dad. I made a deal with myself not to bash my W in front of my son but damn it's tempting sometimes...<BR>Hang in there, he made the mistake and your daughter will know in due time and draw her own conclusions....