We have been married 4 years. We have had our ups and downs. Now after 4 years she says she doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce.<P>She goes out every weekend for the last 3 months. And almost all week long as well. I try and talk to her but she won't listen.<P>I don't want my marriage to end. I will admit in the past I have never given her the attention she deserves. Recently from reading articles on this site my eyes have been open. I see my wrong doings. I should have told her she was beautiful more often. That I thought she was sexy. And most of all I should at times never had rejected her in bed saying I was too tired. I never helped around the house or with the kids. Being that I was up early and home late I was exhausted from my work. Now, I come home, do some house work, help with the kids and try to show how how much she means to me. <P>My anger level at this point is going through the roof. I find myself getting angry because she goes out. I make threats that I don't mean. And these threats are hurting me more in trying to make things better. I tell her I'm not going to fund her nights out anymore or that I will take the kids and leave. Niether of which I could ever do, take the kids away from her, or leave her without money.<P>If I could convince her to spend 15 hours a week with me I would. Time alone for us to talk heart to heart would do us some good. Time to re-build what we once had.<P>I want so much to make this work. Please help me...<P>Paul<BR>

Couple things I left out. And how I overcome.<P>When I was 24. Before we got married. I had left her. 4 months pregnant. This in itself is unexusable on my part. I have tried explaining how people were trying to tell me she was messing around on me and that the child wasn't mine. Oh god how foolish I was to believe them. 1 month after the baby was born, I went to Boston for a month. Came back and never left her again. She still holds me leaving when she was 4 months pregnant against me. She can't forgive me for this.<P>Secondly she wants a career. She thinks I have held her back in being able to build one. And she desperately wants to. She says in a couple months when our oldest starts school that she would think about coming to work for the company I/we own. (35% interest in the company) I want to help her build a career and have a live of happiness that she wants. I want her to be happy. But she doesnt think I can make her happy.<P>I so much love her and want to make her happy...<P>She doesn't seem to receptive of the policy of joint agreement. Although I keep bringing it up and trying.<P>I am stressed. I have lost 40 lbs. (Not that I didnt need to loose it.) This has been making me feel good about myself that I have lost it. I am starting to think that putting myself in shape and taking better vare of myself may help. She doesn't care for the fact that I wasn't concearned about my weight or the fact that I am starting to loose my hair at 30. I have now decided to get propecia and give it a shot. As I have purchased Just for Men hair color to give me my youthful look back. Especially since I am so young.<P>Will any of this help.....<P>Paul

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 08, 1999).]

Thanks for your input. Although to no avail. The saturday before last she went out. Came home at 5am. Yelling at me knowing she was liar and didnt keep her promise about coming home early to be with me and the kids. <P>At that point she declared she wanted the divorce. I tried giving her, her space.<P>Last night while I was at a customers house I locked my keys in the car. I didnt want to call her. I did. She came by crying and stressed out. She told me that she hated me for doing this to her and wish Iwould accept it. She then informed me that she couldnt start dating until we divorced because no one would date a married woman.<P>I she left and went out with her friends. I then called her on her cell and informed her I was leaving. I packed my clothes and went to my parents.<P>This morning she admitted since the out burst on that saturday that there is a guy she likes and wants to date.<P>At this point I feel there is nothing more I can do. No it comes down to money and the kids. She wants me to continue to pay for her luxury items such as her cellphone. I have taken that from her.<P>She is starting to blame that she is going to endup on welfare because I wont support everything of hers and pay all her bills. She is upset because her night out last night ended short because I decided to leave then and not wait until the morning.<P>Have I done the right thing?<P>I have my paychecks being mailed to me now. I stopped the direct deposit. I will only give her money to pay bills and feed the kids. I wont give her money to continue going out and drinking and whopping it up.<P>Thanks<BR>Paul

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 08, 1999).]