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#55144 01/13/00 04:18 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
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I entered into my second marriage only 8 months ago. Most of the things that my husband told me about himself I found out were lies after we were married. For example he had told me that he was offered a promotion at work that would involve relocating. I quit my job a week before our moving date and we were also married that week. At first he said that the transfer was delayed. Later I found out that there was no promotion and that his income was barely more than minimum wage. The position that I left had an income 3 times what he was making. I am now stuck in a job making considerably less than I was making just to make ends meet until something better comes along.<BR>He had also told me that he had been with this company for over 30 years. In reality he had worked there less than two.<BR>There were many other lies too. Like telling me that he had a great relationship with his two daughters. That he visited with them at least once a month. In reality he has not seen them in almost 3 years.<BR>We had also discussed drinking prior to marriage. After being married to an alcoholic for 17 years I despise it. He assured me that he was not a drinker. Once we were married he drank excessively every night and would come home very late, sloppily drunk. <BR>There are many other inconsistancies but one of the ones that bothers me the most is that we had discussed sex prior to marriage. Even though sex is not the only thing in a marriage it is something that I enjoy very much. He expressed how much he too enjoyed it and we were even intimate quite a few times before we got married. Now that we are married we have not had sex once.<BR>We have discussed all ove these topics and he admits to lying to me. He blames it on self esteem issues. As for the sex issue he says that it just isn't as important to him now that he is in his 40's. <BR>I feel as though he tricked me into marriage. On one hand I feel as though I should end it now and on the other hand I feel as though regardless I did make a commitment and have to try to work it out. <BR>I am hoping that someone has some advice or has been in a similar situation that can give some insight.

#55145 01/13/00 09:44 AM
Joined: Dec 1999
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A marriage base on lies does not have much of a chance for success. In order for your marriage to have a chance, your husband’s problem with lying must be addressed and under control. It sounds like he may be a “born liar” and this is a very serious issue. I recommend that that you both see a counselor as soon as possible. <P>I wish you the best of luck. You will be in my prayers<BR> <P><BR>------------------<BR>Scott<p>[This message has been edited by Promised Forever (edited January 14, 2000).]

#55146 01/22/00 02:57 PM
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I wont lie to you I have had no luck with<BR>relationships. Sounds like you allowed him<BR>to trick you,or you must have ignored some<BR>obvious signs. I personally have a hard time<BR>ending relationships because it's hard to<BR>think of all the effort it would take,and<BR>the thought of being alone isnt very nice<BR>either. You don't really need me to tell<BR>you you have no obligation to someone who is<BR>not who he said he was.The real question is<BR>what do you want for you now. I don't think <BR>you could ever believe him again. So move on!<BR>I struggle ,but tell myself there must be<BR>someone for me somewhere!<P> Good luck, Dave


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