This may seem trivial, but I'm at a loss. My husband smokes a pipe, which I don't usually mind. But when he smokes in the car he comes out smelling like an ashtray. I don't think he notices the unpleasant odor, but I do and I know other people do, too. Last weekend at a basketball game the woman in front of me whispered to her husband about the smell and moved to another seat. How can I let him know about this with a minimum of hurt feelings?

BBBean,<P>Neither member of a marriage should gain at the expense of the other. Would you not expect your husband to tell you if some activity in which you were participating was annoying to him? How can he be expected to correct his annoying behavior if he is not aware that it is annoying? Have you read the information in this site about dealing with Love Busters? Most of us guys don't realize that some of the things we do, probably out of habit or ignorance and definitely without thinking about it, can really annoy our wives. All it usually takes is to be made aware that we may be doing something that is causing the one we love and cherish the most a certain amount of discomfort and straight away we'll take corrective action to stop that hurt. What an easy way to get to deposit love units into our wife's account! Perhaps you could suggest a tobacco with a less repulsive aroma or check at a tobacco shop for a spray product that could eliminate or reduce the offensive odor. Buy him a bottle and then suggest that you test it out in bed right away. I bet that he'd jump at that opportunity.

Thanks, Noggin,<P>Yes, i've read the love busters info, and I definitely agree with him needing to know about the annoying behavior. What I'm looking for is the best way to get the information to him while helping him save face (and therefore avoiding an angry outburst). Perhaps I should say, "Honey, when you smoke in the car the smell of smoke is strong and clings to your clothes. Here is some spray you could keep in the car." <BR>

It's great that you're looking to phrase this in the best way possible, because of course you want to be loving and not deplete his love units by being inflexible. Perhaps he could limit his pipe smoking by refraining in the car, or in all but one room of your home? I've heard Febreze works well to remove odors from clothes, and might be worth a try.