I am desperate. Usually, the "good" spouse writes in to these things, but I am the "bad" one. I have been married for about 1 1/2 years, and through the first year of our marriage, both my husband and myself were not emotionally healthy. He is in the military, and left for basic training 2 weeks after our wedding. While he was away, I made a mess of our finances, and never told him the whole truth about it until it was too late to fix in a timely manner. Because of me, we went further into debt. After all this came out in the open, he forgave me, I thought, and we began to work to fix my mess. But it happened again. I did not make car payments, and I let our car insurance cancel for nonpayment, and I didn't tell him about it. I also ran up a huge credit card debt in retaliation for something that he did to me. Again, I thought I could fix it and didn't tell him. Needless to say, he found out about it and was extremely angry and hurt and felt totally betrayed. For the past 3 months, though, I have been really doing my best to show him that I have changed. I have proven myself time and again. I have gone to therapy for my own issues, and they are getting straightened out. I thought everything between us was going great. I was happy, and he led me to believe that he was too. A week ago, he came home and told me that he wanted a divorce. He said he was unhappy because of the things that I had done to him in the past and couldn't forgive me for those things. He said he didn't think he could ever forgive me. He had also met another woman who could make him happy, who was beautiful and wonderful and could be trusted. I was devastated. Just when everything was going right, he wanted to give up. We talked all weekend and he finally decided that he wanted to work on our marriage and seek councilling together, but he wants the councillor to convince him not to get a divorce. He broke it off with this girl, he says, but he sees her every day at work, and says he feels guilty about hurting her, because she never did anything bad to him. He seems to have just given up, and is waiting for some other person to tell him why he shouldn't leave me. He still can't forgive me or let go of even some of the resentment he feels toward me. He says he doesn't know if he is still in love with me, or even what love is anymore. I have contacted our HMO for a referal to a marriage councillor, but what can I do in the meantime? He is going camping this weekend with his platoon, and this other girl will be there. I have told him that I really wish he wouldn't go, and he just said that he should just get a divorce, and then he could go camping anytime he wants. Please help me.<BR>A.T.

Dear Amberlea,<P>Noticed you didn't get a lot of help with either of your posts. Hope you haven't given up. Post to Infidelity, General Questions if you want a lot of feedback. <P>I am technically a betrayer. Very few marriages have Good spouse and a Bad spouse. Rest assured that you can do much to salvage your relationship. Read all you can on MB. Lurk in the many, many forums. I spend a lot of time in Emotional Need, In Recovery, and Women's Bible Study. Post as often as you feel like. Don't hesitate to give your own two bit advice, it's fun! You will grow and gain insight and confidence by being an active participant.<P>NSR has a post of general welcome he sends to most newbies on the General board that contains a lot of links and helpful info. Hope you are still around. Sorry to have missed you earlier.<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

I really do hope that everything works out for you but it almost sounds like your husband has problems of his own for wanting some to tell him whether to divorce or not.<P>Good luck to you!<BR>