My husband and I have only been married 2 years but we lived together for 7 years before our marriage. For the past 9 months my husband has been spending a lot of time hanging out with unmarried, single, much younger male friends. My husband is 53 and his friends are in their mid to late 20's so there is a very distinct age difference between them. We both work full time, are financially secure and our children are grown up with families of their own so my husband and I have lots of time to do whatever we want to do together. Until my husband started hanging out with these friends we did spend most of our weekends together doing things we both enjoyed. He hates shopping so I don't even suggest doing that. Instead we would go to the beach or go fishing together or just go out for a drive. But now he spends several evenings a week and at least most of one whole weekend day, either Saturday or Sunday, with his friends. Sometimes he spends time on both weekend days with them and I stay home alone alot. When I say hours and hours on the weekends, I mean from 10:00 am until 5:00, 6:00 or 7:00 at night.... all day! We used to go out to supper at least one night a week but it is getting so we aren't doing that anymore because either he is beating me home from work and already chilling out when I get home and he doesn't want to go back out (he does work long hours with a very flexible schedule) or else he is off hanging with his friends. I understand that everyone needs to have time to alone to "do their thing" but it seems like "his thing" doesn't include me anymore. These "buddy sessions" do not include sports interests, such as fishing, hunting or anything like that... but instead consists of smoking pot, drinking beer and just hanging out talking. Hubby and I have had heated discussions about how he is spending his free time and he is beginning to lie to me about where he is going or where he has been... not really lying but just not keeping me informed of where he has been or only telling me bits and pieces or part of the story of what he has been doing all day. When I find out the details later, details learned by me by overhearing conversations between his friends and him, we argue and he defends his dishonesty with me with the logic that he knew if he told me where he was I would be upset and we would argue. He has no reason to lie or be dishonest with me. I do not mind him spending time with his friends but feel there should be a limit as to how much time he leaves me home alone waiting for him to go someplace with me because he promised he wouldn't stay too long or because I am holding off making supper. Hubby can't understand that I really do like his friends, I have even tried to join in by socializing with them too, BUT I feel upset because they are interfering in our marriage by calling him all the time asking him to meet them all the time. I have tried to explain my thoughts to him that married men and single men have different agendas, different priorities and/or responsibilities but he doesn't agree with me. My husband works with 25 other men at his job but the guys he is hanging out with are not co-workers. We used to socialize with other married couples we were aquainted with but since he has gotten involved with these "single" guys those friendly relationships have faded away. He rarely socializes with any of the guys he works with although he used to. I have tried to encourage him to start socializing more with the guys he used to but he doesn't seem interested. I also notice a change in his taste in music and television programs, his attitudes towards me and his temper. He has started treating me in a rather controling way, questioning me as to why I do things the way I have always done in the past. My husband has always treated me as something of a "princess", and has always treated me with respect, admiration and loving consideration but lately he has been rather disrespectful and rude to me. I admit that I have been voicing my frustration and unhappiness with the way things are going in our marriage a lot more lately but I was shocked by him last night when he told me to " shut the **** up" and said "you are turning into such a B***h!". He never talked to me like that before. I was so shocked and hurt by his words that I began crying but all he did was roll over and go to sleep. We have not had marital relations in at least 6 months. I know that he is not having an affair because I do know where he is and who he is with. He is with his friends but he is with them too much and I don't know what to do about it. I am a very youthful, attractive, hard-working career woman who loves to cook and keeps a neat house so it isn't my looks, lack of intelligence, my cooking nor my housekeeping habits that is making my husband want to spend so much time away from home. Can anyone advise? I'd like to hear from the guys on this one.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pepper:<BR>[BI understand that everyone needs to have time to alone to "do their thing" but it seems like "his thing" doesn't include me anymore. <P>When do you have time alone to do your own thing? If you don't, why not?<P>These "buddy sessions" do not include sports interests, such as fishing, hunting or anything like that... but instead consists of smoking pot, drinking beer and just hanging out talking. <P>I will say the obvious here, does he realize that he can go to jail for this? Does he possibly have a problem with it?<P>I do not mind him spending time with his friends but feel there should be a limit as to how much time he leaves me home alone waiting for him to go someplace with me because he promised he wouldn't stay too long or because I am holding off making supper. <P>Why are you holding off making supper if you're hungry? He chooses to be late, set a time for dinner and stick to it. IF he shows up late, he has a cold dinner. That is his responsibility to be there, not your's to make sure he is. Why wait for him to go somewhere with you? If you want to go somewhere, why not go with a friend, or alone? Even though you let him know you are not happy doing so, you are showing him that you will continue waiting on him by not doing anything without him. You have given him control of when and how you spend time together. When he is going out somewhere without you, just say ok. Then go somewhere for yourself. <P>He has started treating me in a rather controling way, questioning me as to why I do things the way I have always done in the past. My husband has always treated me as something of a "princess", and has always treated me with respect, admiration and loving consideration but lately he has been rather disrespectful and rude to me. I admit that I have been voicing my frustration and unhappiness with the way things are going in our marriage a lot more lately but I was shocked by him last night when he told me to " shut the **** up" and said "you are turning into such a B***h!". He never talked to me like that before. I was so shocked and hurt by his words that I began crying but all he did was roll over and go to sleep. [/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>While your H should not have said what he did, you have to stop allowing him to get away with things like that. I understand your shock, but why allow him to sucker punch you?<P>Once you voice your frustration, act on it. If you aren't happy with spending so much time alone, don't! Go out with a friend, go out alone, take a walk, whatever. The point is to change it. If he can't see you sitting at home waiting for him to spend a few precious minutes with you and stewing on what is going on, maybe he wil see that you choose to not wait on him any longer. prove that it is unacceptable, don't just say it.<P>I hope I have made sense to you. Good luck with your decision.<P>Wolf<P>------------------<BR>"You can't think your way into a new way of living. <BR>You have to live your way into a new way of thinking."<BR>Passionate Marriage<BR>David Schnarch, Ph.D.