HELLO ALL,
My husband and i have been 2gether 4 about 1 year, im 3yrs older than he is, and boy what a difference that makes, well anywayz we jumped the broom in april of this year and it seemed like heaven, but now a little more like HELL. He has since then become very abusive physically and mentally,(AND yes he did show it before we were married), and its not that i thought that i could change it, but more like luv him more or better than anyone prior 2 me, hoping that he wouldn't respond 2 things in such a negative way, but boy talk about back firing, not only does he disappear for 4/5 dayz at a time, but when he finally does re-appear he gives me bogus excuses, and when he's gone there is a lost of communication because he tends 2 leave his phone turned off 4 this period of time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
The worst part about it is that he treats me w/ no respect, calls me names ive caught him cheating w/ numerous women. About two 1/2 months ago i found out he was involved w/a woman since damned near the time we got married..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
And 2 ad injury 2 insult, just yesterday i found out that he has been sleeping w/ a 20yr old GIRL, for 2 months, that he has been dating off and on since 2000, W/OUT PROTECTION <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> , if he even mentions me at all, its just 2 warn them that im "CRAZY" whatever?, but he tends 2 think that because were married that we are binded 2gether 4 life, and its just 2 the point of no return its like im stuck in a twilight zone, we dont sleep 2gether and when we do decide 2 (2x a month) its disgusting, like hes raping me, i luv my husband very much, and i definitely did not marry him 2 divorce him, BUT i have actually started the divorce proceedings and have 1 year left 2 file, dont get me wrong,im not saying that he doesn't luv me, BUT he's definitely NOT "in LOVE with me", cause i feel he doesnt even know the meaningof the word, its more like obsession (he has a difficulty problem w/ letting go), stalking and the crazy part about it is that being that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never be right, i was kinda hoping that 1 of these women would just take him away from me, because other than that he will never leave me and im stuck 4 life............deep isnt it?......... so please if u have any good words of advice, or just wanna talk im damn sure crying out 4 help...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

P.S. if u think u can really help, please feel free 2 chat w/ me my screen nameis:KYTEDREAMZTOO(YAHOO)OR KYTEDREAMZ2 (AIM) THANKZ 4 LISTENING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Your husband is abusing you and you are accepting it. Do you feel you deserve this kind of treatment?

Exactly what is marriage anyway? You have pointed out some very ominous signs in your marriage. You say when you are intimate it is like a rape. Well, I have a very good friend who experienced a similar episode with her boyfriend. He is now serving time for rape and kidnapping of some women he followed home from the shopping center one day. Men who are overly rough sexually are a step away from force. Watch carefully. I could not put up the behaviors you described here. He sounds rather volatile though. I would carefully plot and plan my escape.

Hi Freshie,
Just wanted 2 say thankx 4 the advice. Im actually trying as we speak 2 plan a way out,but trust me its not as easy as it sounds. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

But thankx anyway, please post anymore advice that u have......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

dear kytedreams
first get an interdict against your h. to protect
yourself. I have experience this myself. My ex-h
has done this I have then taken steps against him- trust me I have waited far tooooo long.Now he knows his boundaries had a biiiiig fright. why must we do it that way. Because they would NOT LISTEN any other way.
Keeping you in my prayers - and there is still
hope for you.
keep it UP!!

Hello Absurd,
Thank u 4 your post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Right now im at the point of feeling lost,confused <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , and desperate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ,I really need someone 2 talk 2, but at the same time none of my friends have ever experienced the situation at hand <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , so once again i feel alone............................ <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Im really starting 2 get depressed beyond belief.................... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi K-

It sounds like you deserve better than this. I am also in a mental/emotionally abusive relationship right now. WW has had multiple A's, and is currently in one.

If you need some one to talk to you've come to the right place. I'll listen if you need an ear to bend.

Good luck, and stay strong. Remember to do what you need to keep yourself safe. My prayers are with you!

~ Tim

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: livinWithHope ]</small>

LivinWithHope,
Thanks soooo much 4 being willing 2 listen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ,
cause i really need 2 talk, pls. contact me if u can my chat contact info is: kytedreamztoo(Yahoo)/ kytedreamz2(aim), if u dont have either, and can not get either let me know, and i will get what u do have....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks 4 everything, hope 2 hear from u soon...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: KYTEDREAMZ ]</small>

Hi K-

I added you to both aim, and yahoo. When you're ready to talk I'm here to listen. I hope your hanging in there, and keep posting on this site. There are many wonderful people on this board, and they have helped me with my issues tremendously.

Keep your chin up, and I'll have you in my prayers.

~ Tim <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: livinWithHope ]</small>

Hi K;

I went through a similar situation many, many years ago with an ex-BF. You must find your way out and plan your escape carefully. I literally left at gunpoint. My ex-BF tried to smother me to death in a hotel room. Luckily we were with friends and they somehow enetered the room and caught him by surprise.

I lived with that horror every day for quite sometime before I would even function normally. I went through counselling to help me cope with the aftermath.

I know what you are saying when you say it's not easy to just leave. As many times as I tried, I just was followed and called and contacted and stalked. It was awful. It finally stopped when I started dating someone else that I eventually married -- and now that's another story. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

But you have to get your mind clear and your focus on sefl presveration. I know it's hard!!

My situation is quite different now - there is no physical abuse, but there are multiple affairs. In that situation alone you have to be careful. There are all sorts of diseases that you can get from this type of activity. It's just not safe.

Is it just me or are there that many sick individuals in this world. I feel wounded and beaten down lately. I have made a note of your AIM screen name and will try to be available when I can.

Hang in there and be strong.

LivinWithHope/aspur2,
I luv it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> The amount of support that im getting from this site, 4 sooooo long ive tried 2 concor this situation on my own, and now i not only have friends who will listen and talk, but who may even experienced some of the same senarios

Thanks u guys so much 4 being so supportive, hope 2 chat with u both soon......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

And thx 4 your prayers, cause the way im feeling i definitely need them........ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ October 16, 2002, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: KYTEDREAMZ ]</small>

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Hi K-

Hang in there...

~ Tim

Kyte:

I am glad you came here. Now as far a planning to leave carefully, I am sure you realize that your safety is first and foremost. I had an abusive relationship when I was 19, now 40 and left with the abuser child. It was my place and everything. But, I packed to paper grocery bags and was out. I relocated to another state far away and that the abuser would have never associated with as a place I might go. I was careful about contacting family, especially in mail. Return addresses were left out of letters and no mention was made in the letters. Although they had and outer postmark, I even disguised my handwriting. I never contacted another mutual friend of ours. I never contacted any of my childs paternal relatives. I never ventured back into the areas of my life where our paths crossed. That was 20 yrs ago.

My advice is know who you are dealing with and review his past behavior as an indicator of future behavior. Careful, careful, CAREFUL! Pray for perfect peace and him to get out of your life.

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