I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years now. When I was dating my husband he looked at porn but it didn't bother me at that time. I thought he would quit after we got married. I guess I was foolish to believe such thing. When I first caught him looking at porn when we were married I was upset. I didn't have a clue on why he wanted to look at it and I still don't understand. I try to make him satisfy in every way but still he needs porn. I watch movies sometimes with him and I really don't want to. I can't stand thinking what is going on in my husband's head. My husband has to hide porn. He lies about it all the time. It seems like an addiction and it is really making me feel low about myself. I don't want a divorce. I want a family and I want my son to have his dad by his side forever. I thought maybe I watched porn with my husband on occasion he wouldn't have to hide or lie about it but he always does. When I confront him after I find out he was looking at porn he lies about it. I am not stupid. I know when he lies. He is not good at hiding his porn. I always confront him and he always says will you drop it. He gets all mad about it. I want to talk about it. I want to know why does he have to do this. It is hard for me to even be myself. I want to go out and go places without him but it seems to me after he hides porn I can not even leave the house. I am afraid he will look at it when I am gone. It makes me sick. Like, about 2 weeks ago I went to my mothers house to do laundry. My husband dropped me off at her house before he went to work. When I come home the next day I found that he came home and was late for work because he was on the computer. I think he was looking at pornography since there was some saved in the favorites. I was upset about it but handled it in a decent manner. Last night my husband was in the bedroom. He said he was going to play his computer game. I believed him since when I go in there he is playing the game. Well, there is no internet in there so I think he couldn't look at porn. But... last night when he left for work I found a cord that goes through the wall to the living room for the internet. I know he was on the internet and I am assuming he was looking at porn. He wouldn't have to hide it if he wasn't looking at porn. He told me that the cord didn't work but when he had the computer in the living room with the same cord it worked. I don't see how it didn't work. I want to believe that he didn't look at porn but I know he is lying. What can I do? I really need help.

Your story is so sad. I am so sorry to inform you that your H does indeed have an addiction that will destroy your family unless he gets helps ASAP. If he is receptive, I would suggest asking him to read "Every Man's Battle". If he continues to deny his problem suggest installing filters on your computers to screen out this filth. I encourage you to love him with all your heart and reach out to him in a compassionate, but firm way. God bless!

And there will STILL be others in MB who insist that porn can contribute positively to marriage .............

And there will STILL be others in MB who insist that porn can contribute positively to marriage

Yes, I believe it can in a way but too much porn makes the woman feel negatively about herself. Porn every once in a while can spice up the marriage but porn a couple or almost everyday of the week can ruin the marriage.

My husband went to college just a little bit ago but has not come home yet. usually gets home about 11 and it is now 12:30 almost. He does this all the time when he is upset with me when I confront him about something. He doesn't want to come home and face the fact. I always try talking but I never can get through. He denies everything. I was thinking about counseling but I don't know if it would help him figure out his problem. I think he is too stubborn to know that he has one.

Mom - Hate to burst your bubble but you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. The fact is that porn usage escalates because it has no end, like all addictions. You trusted, vainly, in the concept that a "little bit, in moderation", won't hurt. Now you have a full-blown problem. Your attitude is one of the enabler. Please get some help for both of you. Pay close attention to those on MB who will respond truthfully to you about the negative effects of porn on marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurting Promise Keeper:
<strong> Mom - Hate to burst your bubble but you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. The fact is that porn usage escalates because it has no end, like all addictions. You trusted, vainly, in the concept that a "little bit, in moderation", won't hurt. Now you have a full-blown problem. Your attitude is one of the enabler. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What exactly do you mean by this? I really disapprove of porn but the thing is it can help a marriage out in a way if you use porn to spice up your marriage. I can't stand it and only do it for my husband on occasion. I told him before I don't want him to do it but he did still look at it behind my back. So, I was tired of him lying and hiding it so I told him that he can look at it with me but I guess it is not enough. He still wants more of it. I need counseling for myself. I need help to understand who I am and to understand the problem in the marriage. I need to ask you a question what oes a husband mean by "I just want more space". I want my own privacy. Everytime I give him privacy, I catch him looking at porn. I want him to have his privacy. I just need help that is why I thought I would ask people for their advice. I know I will get negative comments and positive comments. I am ready for all kinds.

<small>[ March 18, 2004, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Momof1boy ]</small>

You fell into the "just a little is ok" trap regarding porn use. The alcoholic or drug addict fall into the same mind set. Porn is a proven deterrent to a fulfilling M, just as gambling or any other addictive element. You contradict yourself when you say a little is ok then say you see the harmful side. Your behavior is enabling your H to continue in his addiction. Perhaps it's time for the "tough love" approach, starting with the things I suggested above. The problem will NOT get better over time. Look at it as an open sore needing a bandage cure instead of a bandaid repair. May God's grace be with you!

You are so right. I hope I can find some help for him and for myself as well. Thanks for the information.

Mom - please check out Penelope's new post titled "Husband lying about porn use". This is just the lastest example of the harm to marriages that porn presents. Your's is NOT an isolated incident. This is a very real problem. I have heard porn very accurately described as a "snake in the grass". Porn is not a "harmless marriage enhancer". It is a venomous snake waiting to strike. It is also no longer just a male issue. I have seen statistics that state up to 30% of porn bought, sold, and viewed is by women.

I encourage you to lovingly confront him and educate YOURSELF on this issue at the same time. What you find out will be shocking.