Well I am new to this, but where do I begin. My husband has been having oral sex with other men for two years and I just found out about it last October when he was on probation for trying to proposition an undercover cop. He was taken from our home by CPS because they thought he was abusing our 4 children. All of that is over now but I am so hurt and angry. I once was deeply in love with this man and would have done anything for him but now I could care less how he feels or if I hurt him or not. I sometimes want out and think me and the kids would be better without him in our home but I have strong religious beliefs about marriage and will stay in the marriage if only for the kids. I do love him I just don't think I am in love with him. We just starting reading His needs, Her needs but I feel like I have given up my life for this man and he has done nothing but hurt me. I need to know how to get over all the anger and resentment and bitterness towards him. I have prayed and am really trying to put this behind me but all I do is get angry at him and hate him every time we have a setback. I really need some advice please.

Hello,<P>I'm new to this as well. I just wondered, has your husband explained to you why he needed to do what he did? Is it still going on? Are you / or were you both doing what the other person wanted in your sex life?<BR>Sorry if I'm not helping. I suppose what I'm trying to say is "Is there anything extra you two could do in bed together that would stop him doing this or is it just that he has a problem?" Does he need counselling?

Your husband turned his back on you by having oral sex with other men and therefore has insulted and abused you<P>You cannot go on with him and can you imagine kissing his mouth after what he has done<P>Get away from him<P>He has involved himself with indecent acts and has wiped his feet on your face<P>Go to <A HREF="http://www.dating.com" TARGET=_blank>www.dating.com</A> and find a real man<P>Or can you bare the thought of he might be doing these secretive acts still<P>You are more worth this than the treatment he has given you<P>If it was my husband I would buy him a bunch of bananas and give him my blessing with a final goodbye note and tell him eat your heart out

hI. There is no doubt, that you are very much in pain. Usually when people have affairs, its because their needs are not being met and so they find if else where. Even though sex was involved, its rarely just about that- its usually emotional. I think what makes this harder is that it wasnt just an affair, it was a homosexual act. Was he gay before he knew you?You need to go to a counsler to get the two of you together, as one, like god intended. I know right now all you want to do is do anything but look at him, because of what he has doen to you. I understand your pain. I pray that you will give god your pain and he will hold and comfort you and lead you to the one he has choosen for you, god wants you to forgive and he will soften you heart if you let him. PRAY,PRAY,PRAY, and PRAY!!!! <BR>sweeteeyore

Okay, Hi.<P>I know there are other issues here besides the run of the mill infidelity here, but I had posted this reply below (edited now) to someone else on the subject of forgiveness. I hope it can be helpful to you, despite seemingly unique circumstances here. At the outset I want to say that you seem to have more to forgive than the rest of us here, because not only was your h acting out of character, but it was a homosexual act, a REAL out of character act - and for some reason, that just sits harder with me (and before any of you flame me NO I am not homophobic!!!) Anyway, some of this may help you:<P>You ask how you are going to get over this. You have to want that. You have to look deep in yourself and find if there can be forgiveness and trust for your h. And this is a process, it will take you some time to accomplish, and it will only happen if you want it to.<P>Let me share what happened with me. My h had an affair. Even when i knew it was over, I finally came to a point that I knew the situation was not improving for me because I would not forgive or trust. Note I said WOULD not, not COULD not. It was tearing me apart, I was suspicious of everything my h did.<P>One day I had quite a talk to myself, which ended with the realisation that I could not go on with the marriage if I could not truly forgive. And I DID want my marriage. So, 8 months after D-Day, I decided to let it go.<P>But 8 months was too long for my h...he couldn't handle my anger, constant questions, suspicions, my fears he would do it again and all the rest. Two days after I told him that finally our marriage could move forward, because I forgave him truly in my heart, he told me he was leaving me. He could not trust me to stick to this after 8 months of living hell, for both of us.<P>The sooner you can come to terms with this and let it go, really let it go, the sooner you will heal, and your marriage too, or at least you will yourself. If you want your marriage enough, you will forgive.<P>Just my thoughts...<P>