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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2 |
my husband feels he's being pushed away because i am not the happy funny girl i used to be since finding out about his affair. we are trying to mend our marriage, he says he loves me, but he told me that during his affair too. i guess i'm not very good at compartmentalizing. he is very good at. when he is around i want him to fill me emotional needs and he can't because i am either attacking him with what he's done, or the more subtle approach of being withdrawn and quiet. by nature i am very outgoing and funny and the life of the party. not anymore. and it's so difficult for me to articulate to him that he needs to come to me. make this thing right. fill my emotional needs. lord knows i am filling his...sexually, recreation partner , looking good. i am very sad. he says i have so many wonderful things in my life to be grateful for..this is true but the affair has been my focus. how do i stop focusing on it. my security is gone, i am a planner. i can't plan this thing. any suggestions out there?
married for 20 years to my dream?????
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,190
Member
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Member
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,190 |
sticks, welcome to MB.
You don't have to be the happy funny girl. Your H violated your trust. You definitely need some major things from him right now.
Has he severed all contact with the OW (other woman)? Has he shown any remorse toward you? Are you in counselling?
Counselling is crucial for you personally and as a couple. You have a lot of anger you are entitled to but it also sounds like you do want to keep this M together, so you will need help to get to that place emotionally.
You will find awesome support here. Feel free to post with your questions and feelings. Choose what is helpful to you from the replies people give you.
Life can get better but it's important for your H to accept you need time to process things. Good for you for still accepting him in other ways--he also needs that from you. Although he may not be showing it yet, he most likely regrets disappointing you and some of his behaviour may actually be like a defense mechanism. If he thinks he can make it feel like it's about you, then he doesn't have to look into his own heart and realize the hurt he's caused to you and to himself, too.
Hang on to hope and welcome to MB.
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