Dear G-man,
Sorry for your troubles, but I can identify. My wife gets on me about pornography. My wife follows many right-wing Christian ideas.
The wall seems to be a fairly clear definition of a problem, but you need to start building some avenues for effectively making deposits in the love bank.
Another way to view the problem is that your wife is refusing to gie you credit for the deposits you are making into her love bank. Maybe 4 to 6 weeks ago, there was a post in Negotiations about Turn 180 Degrees. I responded to it, it was posted by Toomuchcoffeeman.
The idea is to get a fresh approach for your spouse to start thinking about things in a new way.
One of the main negotiations might be viewed as a problem in seduction.
It seems that your wife wants to hold on to this power to make you feel guilty. Some Christians seem more intersted in finding ways to make others feel guilty. My approach is to try to find a suitable pennance, a genuine petition for forgiveness, or absolution and forgiveness, with forgetting.
I'll run a stream of consciousness of ideas for you, and maybe something will click for you. I have not looked for any other of your posts.
Try to find your wife's ideal time of arrousal. My wifes' is in the range of 12:30 am to 3 AM.
Off the internet, I bought some massage tapes. Get a supply of baby oil, and I use a freshly worn colored T-shirt to wipe off the oil. Massage is a path to arrousal. What is the minimal level of participation your wife is wiling to allow in various settings? Will any of the settings work for you to climax?
See if she will go to a different church. I like Unitarian churches for not being overly dogmatic.
Use influential relatives. Keep your relations up with her influential relatives, at least, and if they know, you may ask for their help in bringing your wife back from the deep-end.
I try to keep my masturbation to a minumum, and limit it to times when it is not likely to interfere with being ready for my wife.
I ordinarily try to be a nice person, but if I start losing my temper, I try to get said what was bothering me, and then go to a neutral location. Leaving in a tither gives her something specific to think about.
Change counselors. Prepare to be stern with the couhselor that you have, and be prepared to forcefully state your beliefs about God and Jesus and Pornography, forginess and marriage. I have occasionally been stern with marriage counselors in the past, and it has usually been a turn-on for my wife.
Buy a dog, or other pet. Ask your wife what you both can agree to do differently, POJA. Take her out to dinner. Take parenting or self-improvement courses together. Take her on a dinner cruise. Change around the things you often do for her, and the things you usually leave for her to do. Find little wasy to demonstrate power.
Find videos that will work for her and you. My wife usually tolerates the movie DIRTY DANCING. Maybe Dracula movies.
Instead of worrying, start changing things around, until things get straightened out.
Check to see if some other individuals are giving her support on emotionally deserting you. If you suspect someone, encourage her to role play a conversation with that person, having her tell the person that she is going to forgive you, and you, as a couple, are going to go on with normal relations. There has to be some outside influence in this, because it is so stupid. My wife is weekly coming under the influence of some new set of ideas that somone has convinced her aaare essential to her salvation, and I spend every week applying logic to the ideas she has picked up from others, and slowly getting her mind off those ideas. Of course new ideas keep coming in, so I have new ideas to contend with each week, as well as the thoughts left over from the last few weeks.
What I like about Unitarians is that they believe that individuals are capable of deciding which religious teachings to apply to their lives, at what times. Many other religions are trying to tell people which religious prinnciples they should apply to their lives.
I'll look to see if you have othe relucidating posts.
In the movie K-Pax, the vistor from another Galaxy says something like, "All beings know right from wrong. There is no need to punish people or put people in jail."
Sometimes I prefer to just presume that I will be getting a divorce soon, just for my own mental outlook.
You may need forgiveness again in the future, and this may be a sign to look for a situation that is different from being married to an unforgiving woman.
Best wishes,
Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling.
