It's been a year since I found out about my husbands plans to divorce me, cuz he thought our marriage was over. He didn't have the gawl to come to me, he just found his old high school g'f and started to make plans with her.
I asked him not to call her after that. He told me that Nov 24th was the last call. Well, I knew something wasn't right. And it went on until Narch 25th and found a cell phone bill. Daily calls of hours on the phone with her. His excuse was " I was a b**** and she was a friendly voice" and he told my daughter he didn't tell me about the cell phone cuz I would run up the minutes on it. Soooooooo, he can't understand after all this time, I can't deal with him not having answer to my question of WHY !! He is here with me, and he doesn't know why he lied to me for months, and he gave a feeble apology AFTER I told him he didn't act like he was sorry. He left me strangling when he should have been dealing with me and my pain. He basically put her above me. And when I contacted her, she treated me as the "other" woman and she was superior. Course my words to her were pretty terrible HAHAHA
I guess, should I just forget and forgive or should I expect some explanations and if so, how do I deal with this ?? Somedays, I feel like I am going over the edge. ???
Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I think you need to take things from the top. First off, review the stuff in the "Concepts" section up at the top. THen after that, review the Q&A section, and read the articles on affairs and infidelity (as well as the others).

This will give you more tools and information to make a better informed decision about where you should/may head.

After that, come back and let us know how you're doing.

Thank you I will do that. Last night I tried to talk to him about it. I told him, I have a question and I am not mad, I'm not attacking you. But why can't you give me the answers I need ? I can't let it go unless, I have my needs met. He then turns defensive and gets all ticked off. He acts like, he is afraid to admit the truth, afraid to give me any rights, I am so confused with his actions, we have been married for over 30 yrs. And I saw a side of him that I never knew. My theory is, if you want to make something work, you meet it head on, and you work out the problems you had in the first place. All his problem was I had shut him out, cuz I was going through a bad time, he worked out of town for over 10 yrs and I raised two kids basically by myself with not too much moral support but a lot of you had have or you shouldn't have done this or that. A good provider but he could have used lessons in fatherhood and support. but then again, his childhood was another story. Ya, it's a looooong story and he won't go to counselling at all and I feel he and I both need it. We need someone to help us both. I should just go on my own.
Will read and study what you suggest. Thanks for you advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet your problems "head on" as you refer to it.

But there's a few ways to hit them head on that will increase your chances of success, and a whole lot of ways that will sink you.

So I really encourage you to absorb all the material in the concepts and Q&A section that you can.

And then, you may see patterns of communication that before, brought discord, and replace them with patterns of communication that promote harmony.

MB principles are well-tested, you would be wise to follow it as closely as you are able.

Remember, you can only fix yourself in the relationship (this is a fundamental principle). You can't force your spouse to change. NO matter how badly you want it. Fix yourself, and then you invite your spouse to join you in your new-found place of health...