I am in the same place and considering moving to a seperate bedroom as part of my 'withdrawal of emotional support". I am angry that after going on 29 years of marriage and my own reading, researching, head scratching, praying, trying to discuss and come to a meeting of the minds, I feel as if I have been taken advantage of.
I am trying to follow my gut instincts and reflect back what I am receiving.
I see in Harley's writing a perspective that allows me to categorize life events and balance them out on a scale - and see where both of us have been lacking in having an understanding of mutual emotional support and enthusiastic agreement. yet when I try to give a response of negotiating with both of our "takers" in mind and not expecting either to sacrifice and put either of us into a non-enthusiastic agreement and cash in on the others "giver", I am met with a solid wall of resistance.
I don't know how this will turn out, but I seem to have reached a place where i am not going to continue to the good Christian man always trying to make things right - which has seemed to facilitate my Wife's lack of effort toward me.
I have had the perspective that a covenant of marriage is not a contract: I have been committed to the marriage in the way I am supposed to no matter what she did. Even through an emotional affair on her part. A contract would render the contract void if either failed to live up to the agreement. In my trying to put into place the heart of the covenant mentality, I seem to have facilitated what I now have. and it sucks.
Live fully who you are and listen to yourself. Be willing to call a spade a spade and take the heat - I have not been willing to take the heat and now am in a cold place.
c