I FEEL MY HUSBAND THINKS BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM IS A WALK IN THE PARK. WHILE I LOVE BEING HOME WITH MY DAUGHTER I WANT HIM TO REALIZE I GAVE UP SOMETHING TO BE HERE. IN STEAD I FEEL AS THOUGH HE ELEVATES HIMSELF BECAUSE HE IS WORKING ALL THE TIME FOR THE FAMILY AND I AM NOT BERINGING IN AN INCOME. HE WANTS ME HOME - BUT HE USES THAT AGAINST ME. ON TOP OF THAT, I FEEL HE IS A BIT SELFISH BECAUSE WHEN HE IS AT HOME HE HAS HIS OWN AGENDA WHICH SOMETIMES DOESN'T INCLUDE ME - HE GOES RUNNING ETC. I NEED TIME WITH HIM AND THAT INTERACTION - HE DOESN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND I CRAVE THAT TIME WITH HIM AT NIGHT.

HSM,
<br>Sounds like your husband is in selfish mode and doesn't realize the long term implications of it. If you've read the post you know there are enough of us men, myself paramount, who are now paying the price for having subjected our wives to our selfishness for a period of years.
<br>He needs a wake up call, and I pray that he gets one before you feel you have to take drastic measures. Even if he were to do a turnaround now he would probably need to smooth out the frustrations he's caused you to feel.
<br>One good book would be enough to correct him. But he'd have to be open to it. Do you think he would be?

HSM,
<br>Not sure you'd be interested in this but I just found a web site for stay at home mom's, kind of like a support group for mom's who might be feeling alone.
<br>Check out www.geocities.com/Heartland/Flats/2780.
<br>Hope it's something that's a help to you.
<p>

Bruce - Thanks so much for your reply. It makes me feel better to hear someone empathize with me. I sometimes feel as though I am being petty.
<br>I don't quite know how to broach the subject with my husband. He really is a loving husband and father but I feel that I need more of his time and attention when he is at home. I need to feel appreciated for the job I do. I need to be asked how my day was - independent of the baby. I need to know he is thankful that I have agreed to give up my career and be home to raise our child.
<br>I know it's tough on hm - he works hard and long hours to provide for us. He's tired at the end of the day and he feels pressure to bring home the bacon so to speak. However, I do not get a ton of adult interaction during the day, like he does, and long for his company at night. He suggests I get out and meet people (we just moved across country) so I don't feel so lonely but it's not that easy. Plus, there is no one I would rather spend time with than him.
<br>Am I just whining? I know this is one-sided and I tend to be a little sensitive (which I acknowledge) but there has to be some middle ground.
<br>How should I approach him?
<br>- hsm

Dear HSM,
<br>I have to agree with the others, your husband seems to be taking advantage of you, and having been a big part of raising my three sons, I know firsthand that you probabaly work as hard or harder by taking care of your child and the HOUSE and HIM.
<br>Wakeup calls often come too late or are often ignored. Communication is the key, talk to him, explain your feelings. Don't let the situation go until resentment builds on both sides. If it is financially feasible for you to be a stay at home Mom what better way to give to your child and your family. Soon enough the child is old enough to be more independent, and you can become involved other avenues of life.
<br>Good Luck.
<p>john

HSM,
<br>I empathize with your husband's position. He work's hard and he's tired at day's end. He probably loves and appreciates you but when a man gets into this holding pattern it is easy for him to take his wife for granted. He isn't aware of the resentments she may be building up until she can no longer contain them and finally spills them out to his shock. Then, normally, he wakes up, sees that he's screwed up really bad, does a 180 and tries to make up for things and change his behavior. Then he has to suffer the uncertainties of whether or not the wife is willing to work it out. I know. I'm going through it now, as are some other guys on this forum.
<br>I'm certainly not the person to give marital advice. But, based on what I'm experiencing, I'd let him know if I were you. It seems that in most cases the wife holds these things in for years until she can no longer bear it. By that time it has done some damage that is difficult to repair.
<br>It sounds to me like you are not yet at that point. If you can make your husband realize the potential danger that lies ahead it would save you both a lot of pain. I would let him know exactly what you're feeling. How you do that is up to you. I've found letter writing to be helpful.
<br>One of the things we have all noticed on this forum is the great similarity of our problems. In your case I'm seeing two people who have the potential to fall into the same pit I and others have fallen into, but as of this moment there is time to stop it from happening. You know your husband and your situation and I don't. You'll have to be the judge of what tactics to use and how to use them. But I certainly would call his attention to this thing before it gets worse so that he can have an opportunity to make adjustments. The only question will be is he going to listen?
<br>I hope you've been reading the various posts on this forum. they will give you a flavor of the kinds of situations people are facing when it has gone too far. If you can get a sense of that I think it will tell you that it is highly important that you and your husband do some preventative maintainence now. Even if he will not listen you can help yourself by reading things like Dr. Harley's books (asuming you haven't).
<br>I hope you are able to get this worked out. It would be really nice to see someone who was able to neutralize a potentially bad situation instead of walking into it blind and stupid like I did.
<br>This forum should be a help to you. Some of the others on here offer great advice and I'm sure they'll help whenever they can.