<B>Hi gang, after I-don't-know-how-long.</B><P>Despite of the fact that for quite some time I was saying "it's over, finito, caput, etc. etc." I was still hanging from that little thread of hope that things could be worked out... probably so much hope that I was reluctant to post in this forum.<P>The W dumped the OP... and went back to the ex-lover <B>from 18 years ago!!!</B> I don't know where is this going to take her, but I am not going there, and certainly don't want my daughter to go there either...<P>We had breakfast yesterday to talk about who's moving out. I insist that it should be her, she says that she'd miss our daughter but doesn't say no.<P>Basically she wants to keep the cake and eat it too:<P><B>*</B> First proposing that "we" remodel the house so we can all have separate bedrooms (we live in a tiny townhouse, so small that we eliminated the 3rd. bedroom to make room for a decent-size kitchen).<P><B>*</B> Another proposal was that she'd keep our daughter & I would take care her (D)while she (W) travels to see her (ex-ex) lover.<P>I answer NO to both and other similar proposals- I am suggesting as much visitation as whoever leaves wants; that we all live not more than 60 miles from each other (to allow daily visitation); to spend every third weekend all together (alternating the other two); to give her some property to match the house's value (in her name) or pay her rent; and some other proposals in the same line.<P>Don't know where we'll go from here... still have lots of conversations before we settle this. What I know is that we have to tell our daughter ASAP, she is suffering because she knows that something is not right; by not telling her we may be causing her more damage than by just doing so.<P>I am sorry... I am rambling, not sure if I am posting or talking with myself. I am honestly really confused, more now so, when <B>it is for real</B>.<P><B>BUT</B>, on the other hand I feel great, free, I believe that I am finally learning something out of all this (it was about time).<P>Won't take more of your time. God bless you.<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

Alex...<P>It is good for you to be here...<P>I too took the step I needed to take to come to this forum... a hard step.. a step of acceptance! I just posted my first real "divorce" post... and it is starting to make me feel good... s l o w l y but surely.<P>Everyone tells me to hold up my chin. They're right. And you can too.<P>Trust in your judgements... Trust in your values/morals... Trust in your faith.<P>I really understand your confusion... I and just starting to move out of it. There is no better way than with our brothers and sisters right here... They were a Godsend to me when I came to the infidelity forum more than six months ago... and <B>now</B>... are filling that role again. It will... in time... be my time to take a "role" here to... I'm sure I'll find/define it over the next several months.<P>Welcome friend... good friend... <P>Jim

<B>Thanx, Jim</B>

Hi Alex -<P>I'm sorry that you are here....but am glad that you have a "place" to continue with your healing and learning!!!<P>I made the first thread here....sorta glad I did!! It helped to set my mind in the right position for the legalities I am in. <P>I still haven't lost any love for my H and don't see it coming any time soon. Even still, I think that I am in a good place with my overall emotions. I am not "reacting" to events around me with this divorce (ie: court, lawyers, etc.) and am at a calm (as much as possible with a WAD) place with H. <P>Probably just the calm before the storm!! Who knows!!!<P>One thing I wanted to mention to you Alex is that I think that your instincts are right about her being the one to move out. She is the one changing the marriage seeking different avenues - therefore, home is not where she needs to do that from. <P>Those suggestions of hers....wow!! What a wonderful example of the "fantasy fog" she has.....to think that she would actually think that you and D would be alright with her "dating" while living home!!! Like it's a big Frat house atmosphere...<P>It amazes me!!!! All you can do is shake your head in wonderment!!!<P>BIG HUGS - we don't know what God has in store for us, but at least we know we have each other on the way!!!!<P>Sheba<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited April 19, 2000).]

Hi Sheba,<P>Sometimes I think I still love her but then I am not sure if it's just my hurt ego. Some other times I think that I even hate her (if I were just sure of what hate feels like). I cannot understand her egotism, so much selfishness that she believes that because "she realized who she really is" the whole world should just drop to its knees in front of her and please her.<P>Sorry I'm rambling; so many feelings that I thought were long gone are coming back. I want to let go of her, of the ideal of the "perfect family" that I truly DID think we had. It sucks; it's absolutely disgusting! No, I don't love this W like you still love your H; the woman I married was really really different. I don't recognize this one. And I don't want to. I am currently, as I write this, in rage, so much in rage that I am glad she is not in the house right now.<P>Anyway, it's good to hear from you. I wish you the best in your journey.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>