My d wants to have a boy/girl party at the local youth center for her 13th birthday and she has already got the okay from her mother. While I'm not crazy about the girl/boy, I can live with that.<P>What I am having the problem with is that I guess I should be there, but I don't want to spend 3-4 hrs with x. Is this where I have to suck it up and do it anyhow?<P>I don't know who my x would get to help chaperone if I don't go, maybe om! I wouldn't like that at all.

Bob,<P>What makes you think the OM isn't going to be there?<P> <P>Jim

If he is going to be there, let me know what kind of car he drives. I think I see a flat tire in his future.<P><P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

RWD,<P>Just my 2cents..........<BR>You need to still be a parent.....if that means that it is important for you to be there,than as hard as that may be you need to do it for your child!<P>It makes you a much better person in the long run........<BR>Smile,hold your head high and enjoy the party w/your child!! <P>Good luck!<P>Gina<P>

Bob,<P>Bring along the camcorder and lots of film......that way you will "look" busy and have a reason to not "associate" with her or OM.<P>Then you can turn the camera on her every-once-in-awhile and make smart a$$ comments. You can always edit those out...but might actually make you feel somewhat better at the time. LOL<P>Nancy

Bob,<P>Consult you daughter. My ex and I had the same issue. It turns out my daughter really didn't think we both had to be there. I ran the show and as long as she was all right with it so was I, actually I was releaved.<P>The camera idea is a good one too. Birthdays are tough but they happen every year you have to come up with a plan that accomodates your D first and then you. What can you bear at this point in the divorce. <P>It is really hard to do this kind of stuff and things like the soccer game. I guess I am extremely lucky that I don't have to see the OW, he doesn't bring her near me. Oh well hang tough and really it can only get easier cause harder would just suck.<P>Gerri

Hi RWD -<P>Now Bob, you know that you should suck it up for this.....right?<P>After all, this is the same "non-brained" (in recent history) woman who left your son in a car in a parking lot!!!!<P>Is this an individual that you WANT to watch boys and girls at a party? Who knows what could happen!!!!<P>I like the camcorder idea also, but would leave out the comments!! Might be seen before editing!!!<P>You'll be fine, the important thing is your daughter!!! <P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Bob:<P>I guess I would go and bring a camcorder like Mental suggested. <BR>If the X shows up with OM,I would take every opportunity to film OM (candidly) in every unflattering way possible; i.e. scratching himself, standing with his gut hanging out, picking a poppy seed from his front tooth, a close up of his bald spot amidst the fun and frivolity of the bubble gum group. Then send X and OM their own copy of the evening. Talk about shattering the fantasy!<P>It might be a fun evening in spite of who the adults are that may be in attendance. The kids will be having a good time and you wouldn't want to miss your daughter's party. What an opportunity to see her enter into another one of her passages into young adulthood. You'll probably get so caught up in it, you won't even be tuned into X/OM if they are there.<P>Enjoy the festivities, you Party Animal!<P>Catnip =^^=

Bob,<P>I would definately go. Not like you invited me or not. What night is that?<P>You would be going to see your d hit the teens. They only get better as they get older. <P>I hate to tell you but you will have to deal with the X until one of you are dead. Why not start now? <P>Camcorder idea, not bad. .45 with hollow points and one in the pipe, even better. Remember, three center mass.<P>Chris, I am surprised at you, flat tire. Nice guy. <P>Sugar in the gas tank or a cut brake line would be better. Just kidding, you'd get dirty crawling under the car to cut the line.<P>This is a big step in your childs life. Be there for her and yourself.<P>No one can take anything away from you unless you allow them to.<P>Take care Buddy<P>Zippy the Pinhead.<P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Thanks all for the replies.<P>I guess I knew all along that I would have to be there. I think the camcorder is a great idea to keep me busy.<P>I really don't think om will be there. He doesn't seem too interested in the kids any how. I think x drags him along in order for her to have something to do.<P>I do know some tow truck operators and you know how rough they can be towing a car !!!! <P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

RWD, I'm having one of those moments of wondering what would be the worst thing that could happen vs what you could MAKE happen...if OM isn't going to be there...d'ya have a nice female friend...? NO, a daughter's bday party isn't the place for this, but...See, guys go for flat tires, uh crank shafts & etc. Women go for the vitals.

She said, "crank shaft."<P>Uh, huh, huh, huh

It was purely by accident, Chris...

Lori,<P>Actually that was the first thing I thought of, just don't tell the guys here !<P>Bob

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Bob, <BR>Youshould go...and be above it all by doing a "plan A" approach. There is no greater revenge than letting her see that you are happy and doing well (even though we have our ups and downs still). Be a true gentleman to her, make her see what she gave up!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Bob,<P>I'm a little late on this topic, I am not checking the posts daily anymore and I have not read all the replies to you on this thread.<P>Just wanted to comment on your question. Your situation is similar to mine when I go to soccer for my kids. I replied to someone's post on it the other day.<P>Unfortunately, it is going to hurt, but in my opinion, do whats best for the kids. Go suck it up. For your daughter. Don't look the ex in the eyes. Don't let her see your pain. Plan some time after this party for just you. Go out with the guys, get together with friends, or go be alone for a little bit, because the first few times that you have to interact with the ex and even worse, the ex and the OP, are very rough. <P>I don't know if it gets better, its too soon for me to comment on that. But I can tell you its hard. I have been thru a few of these situations and we really have to get used to it because it will be a while til the kids are out of the house. <P>Not only that, but then you have your children's graduations, engagements, weddings, grandkid's baptisms, UGHHHHH. It won't be over for a while <P>I am trying hard to learn to accept the OW and be in same room as Ex and OW. I despise them both while they smile and pretend they are my friend, all the while, I wish them silent curses and grudges and look forward to the day when they get what they have coming to them .<P>Good luck Dana<BR>

Its not that I don't run into at the other events its that there is always other people around and I socialize with them. <P>For this event it may be just the two of us, unless we get someone else to help chaperone.<P>As for doing something for myself afterwards, my d already asked me if she could have a sleep over with some of her friends here at home. She said her mother said she could, but she said we had more here at home. Plus my x said that one of our d's friends was not allowed to stay overnite at x's house. (Some people still do have morals out there!). So I already have my plans.<P>I can do it, it just won't be too much fun.

Bob,<P><B>You HAVE to be there!</B><P>It's about your daughter, not about the wife, you or even your pain or somebody else's morality. It is about <B>YOUR</B> child.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>