I've noticed almost everyone posting considers her/himself to be the betrayed party. Is this because we are the persons who were actually the injured party - the marriage disentegrated because of the actions of the other person? Are we here because because we're the ones doing our work? Or are both parties in the marriage actually both the betrayer and the betrayed? <P>Yes, my x left me of his own free will. Had a one-sided relationship with another woman but she wouldn'g go out with him. He admitted she played a role, though. He never gave me a real reason. He wasn't happy. He's from a sick family. What can I say?<P>However, he would say that I wasn't trying to make him happy. I tried, as God is my witness, but I couldn't meet his needs. No one could have because he was so sick and shut down emotionally that he couldn't be dealt with. It was like trying to fill a vacuum.<P>As to who filed in my case. He filed, I contested, he had it dismissed. I filed, he counterfiled. All this from a man who didn't want to drive up the cost. Go figure!<P>So how do you personally differentiate between the betrayer and the betrayed? <BR>

Usually, when someone says they are the betrayed party, I think they are saying they were faithful while the betrayer was unfaithful... in the sense of another person, other woman, other man thing.<P>Yes, it takes two! Although my husband found escape in the arms of another woman.... there was something he was trying to escape. He too, is very immature in his ability to love -- having experienced very little of it in his lifetime. I was not meeting his emotional needs, although I made a lot of changes and began to do so.... I guess it was too little too late.<P>Someone said in another thread that she did not want to be just a cheerleader! That expressed how I felt... and I never could give him enough or ask little enough in return. So I am filing for separation.... we will see who does what after.

Cind,<BR>The betrayer is someone who did something to ruin the relationship. They broke trust. In this forum I think that they mean someone who had an affair. (either emotional or physical) The betrayed is the one who got jilted. Their SO did something to them or to the marriage that broke trust. I think this is correct according to my understanding of the word - if I'm wrong I'm sure someone else will step in and correct or clarify. <P>H