Where to start..I was abused as a child,<BR>emotionally, mentally, and sexually..things<BR>in which I started dealing with before I got<BR>married, but never completely finished allowing God to heal these areas..and even <BR>knowing God was wanting to heal these areas<BR>before I got married, and seeing all the signs from the Holy Spirit saying "don't do <BR>this" I did anyway..I wasn't secure enough in<BR>my ownself and growing in the Lord..but, I <BR>hadn't dealt w/ the internal emotional healings God wanted for me before I got married..I kept saying lets wait on marriage..lets wait.I wasn't ready..and he kept pressuring me..that I finally "gave in"<BR>He was constantly saying.."God told me were<BR>to be married" well, I was still a babe in<BR>Christ, even though I had been saved for years..I didn't understand all of the aspects<BR>that..just because someone has been saved <BR>longer than another that they aren't always<BR>as mature spiritually as another..and God was telling me not to get married..but He was telling him this so since I "didn't understand" I listened to Him and NOT GOD!!!<BR>My husband started going to church because thats where I was..(but I didn't see then that it was to control my life..who I talked to, where I went..what I did) then after we<BR>got married..he quit going..and didn't like<BR>me going either..so the dutiful wife..I quit<BR>going..he started working full-time w/ the<BR>company he had been working for before we<BR>married..and knowing he would be taken out of<BR>town ALOT..to work he didn't discuss it with<BR>me, he just took the job..and has been gone<BR>ever since...he's been home about 1 weekend<BR>a month since..vacations..and a few jobs here<BR>at home for a couple months..and I have gone<BR>back to church off and on over the years..only to have him come home and make comments about.."If you go to church today,<BR>I am going to leave today, and be gone before<BR>you get back so take the kids with you" making me feel as if I had to choose between<BR>him and Christ..I have asked him many times <BR>over the years to get a job in town..but he<BR>has refused..(he looked once)..even asked "ME" to send out resume's for him..so I did<BR>and then when they would call, he would make<BR>excuses not to respond back to them..our sex life..well is non-existant..and has been for years..because I have always had a problem in<BR>that area because of the sexual abuse I endured as a child..although he thinks that<BR>since it was so long ago..I should "be over it" and since I had "SEX" with men before<BR>and it didn't seem to bother me..(all past relationships have been thrown up in my<BR>face) all past relationships were just that<BR>drinking and sex..they were physical ungodly<BR>relationships..and his drinking..and being <BR>away..has triggered other emotions in me..that I am FINALLY allowing God to heal..and the more I heal..the more abuse I feel from my husband..the more I see why God<BR>wanted me to work on these areas first..because I never would have married him<BR>to begin with..He keeps saying he wants to <BR>save the marriage..so he's going to counseling..yet he's not talking to me..he's not making feel secure in his love..anything..and I had an affair..so he thinks I should be doing EVERYTHING to make<BR>it up to Him..but how can one make up something like that when the person isn't AROUND to show them anything..He keeps promising to look for a job in town when I start showing him these "feelings" which I am<BR>having a hard time doing..because I don't know how..I am just learning the difference between agape unconditional love..and conditional love..and Everytime I turn around<BR>all I see are the conditions he's putting on<BR>his love for me..it's also when he looks at me..I don't feel that he loves ME..I feel like he's just looking at the physical..and that it could be some girl in a porn magazine..and it makes me want to cringe..<BR>I know God hates divorce..but at the same time, I don't know what to do other than pray..and the more I fast and pray about this<BR>the more at peace I feel about divorce..but then I go back to the fact that God hates divorce..and it gets me confused..any advice or suggestions??<P><BR>

You are dealing with an awful lot. I am glad your H is in counseling...he would seem to have some control issues he needs to work on. Have you ever gone to counseling for yourself? Regardless of what happens with your H, you might to investigate this.<P>Hang in there--<P>

Hi Rose,<P>I am sorry to hear of your situation. I don't have any experience in this area, as far as the sexual abuse. I do have some experience in emotional abuse. I too was in a VERY controlling relationship. You don't realize it when it happens do you? You almost take it as this person caring for you? <P>Counseling is a must here, and probably the sooner the better. Not only for your marriage, but specifically for you. You have to work through some of those personal issues. <P>Prayers to you, Dana<BR>