I was doing some work today near the store where om's x-wife works so I decided to stop in. It was kind of awkward. <P>We just asked how each other was doing and about work and some of our hobbies, she has a reflection pond with fish like I do. We also talked about our kids.<P>We talked very little about our x-spouses. She did bring up she was doing okat financially but worried about any major purchases such as a car or appliance.<P>Looking back on it she seemed a little sad. Now I wish I wouldn't have done it if I made her feel sad.<P>I wasn't able to ask her the questions I wanted to as they were probably too personal anyhow, so I don't know what I accomplished.

Bob,<P>She was probably feeling down before you came, try not to think too hard on that. It was a trigger for you both.<P>In a few days you won't feel so questionable on it. Neither of you have anything to feel bad about after what you've both been through.<P>I got stuck talking to ex's OW for almost an hour a few weeks ago on the phone. I felt like screaming. She was telling me how he calls her to say good morning and she says "honey I love you but don't wake me up before 9". What a lazy slug. She quit her job after she got him where she wanted him.<P>I was pretty queazy about the whole thing until my ex stopped over later that day and asked me if I'd still sleep with him since we weren't divorced!!! I almost died!! Of course my answer was HE!! NO!!!!!!!! So needless to say, he can call her , write poems and all but I still believe those who cheat, are apt to do it again and it made me feel all the better about the divorce.<P>Take some time for you today too, it sounds like you may be bothered now by this "meeting".<P>Prayers, Dana<BR>

Dana,<BR>It didn't bother me until I started posting about it. She did invite me to stay around until her daughter, the one that took my kids jet skiing, came in to work.<P>I didn't stay down too long as my son had football practice tonite and I got the chance to talk to a bunch of people I know and also check out the single moms!!!<P>I guess my biggest question to her is, where does her x get his money and does his mother support him. At this point I guess it doesn't really matter any longer.<P>Bob<BR> <BR>

Thats right, football practice is starting!! Woo hoo, I like to go cuz the 18 year olds ask me out, how flattering!! (too bad I'm going to be 10 years older than them next month).<P>We all want to know those kinds of questions, its only natural. Its good to know who this other family is that is now involved in your life, but getting intertwined with them, is also emotionally draining.<P>I see that with me and the OW already. Soon, I'll have to call her something else, as I'll be divorced and she'll be his wife.<P>By the time u get this, you'll have gone to football, did you check out the single moms? Aren't we able to be spotted a mile away? I think so. LOL<P>

Dana,<P>are you sure they will be married? Maybe not, and by the way,<P>what do single moms look like anyway?<P>Do we single dads have to go around inspecting left hands all day, or is there any other way?<P>And Bob, how about a single woman SANS kids?<BR>sounds like that would be the best to me,<BR>there are a few on some of the internet<BR>match making boards.<P>Should we extend the parenting time by marrying a single mom with younger kids,<BR>or risk the problems of a blended marriage?<P>thl

Bob, <BR>It probably felt like old wounds were reopening, right??<BR>I never met the OW' H, but he and I talked on the phone hours when the affair was going on. Then, it was a kindred spirit thing. We were both trying to save our marriages, and were going through the same thing so we really talked a lot. Once the affair was totally out in the open, and the WS' decided to end the marriages, we lost contact. I guess then there was no reason to talk anymore. <BR>I have often wondered if I should try to contact him to see how he is doing now, but it would be like going backwards, and I don't want that. So, I won't. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Dana,<BR>Success, I did run into at least 1 single mom. I met her earlier this year. Her d is in my s's grade and that's where I met her. Definate possibility!<BR> <BR>Its funny, now that I am single it easy to spot the single moms.<P>thl,<BR>I do check out the left hand almost immediately any more. As for woman without kids, that would be preferable but at my age, closing in on 45, there don't seem to be that many around without. At that age, if they already don't have kids, and don't want them, then why would they want mine ? As for younger woman with out kids, how many want to be second fiddle to my kids right off the bat? <P> I was seeing a 31 yo, no kids and never been married, but she dumped me after 1 month. She said it was because she didn't see us being more than friends. I tend to think it was the age differnce and my "baggage," that being kids, and me dealing with x. <P>I haven't worked up the courage to do the internet dating as of yet. I did look, but have taken no action.<P>Sue,<BR>I talked to this woman last year when I knew my marriage was over. Unfortunetly for me she was still trying to save hers and ran and told her then h everything I said about my then w, and he in turn told her. She was furious with me and caused me some problems.<BR>This was another reason I was hesitant to talk to her. I decided that I was not going to say anything about our x's so that kept it light. <P>I still would like to know the answers to my questions, but I guess I can ask my x when/if om dumps her.<P>

I have a friend whose wife was seeing another<BR>man...they filed for divorce..and the OM took off w/ an old girlfriend..the wife had gotten pregnant during the time of the affair and the H wasn't sure if it his or the OM's but he treats the boy as if he's his..He wasn't the cause of the problems..so the OM/OW doesn't always stick around..sometimes I think they feel that the other person is "safe" since they are married..and the OW/OM<BR>doesn't have to make that commitment because the other person already has a commitment..and once the affair is found out<BR>they run like the dickins to get away from <BR>having to make that long term commitment..especially if there are kids involved..they don't want the responsiblity<BR>they just want the "fun"<P>and don't know how you know if they are single mom's or not..I guess the same way<BR>women would have to find out if a man is<BR>single or married..ASK THEM!!! and hopefully<BR>they will be honest...<P>Don't know if you go to church or not..but<BR>I know that my old church has a single parents sunday school class..and a divorce recovery group..for both men and women..<BR>I know it's a great support group and everyone pretty much has the same struggles..<BR>if your church doesn't offer that..maybe you<BR>can bring it up to the pastor..it can meet a real need in a community..I know that a lot of the activities they had were to include the children..and they would occassionally have the teens or one of the singles classes take the kids for the day so that the single<BR>parents could have time alone..w/ other adults having a bible study..or going to dinner..or whatever...