Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#669520 09/16/00 02:06 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 77
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 77
Well I went to a loca park today for a ranger guided hike. It is a beautiful day so I enjoyed being outdoors. But I was also the only noncouple person there and that was depressing. But I have to also remember that even if my husband still was around the chances of him going for a hike with me just the two of us are slim to none! Still it is very hard to keep my mind off the fact that my husband is visiting his brother and sister in law with HER. I was there when his brother brought his fiance to meet the family for the first time. I bought baby gifts when their children were born. I know the writing is on the wall. He has been with HER for eight hers now. If anything they only seem to grow closer and more involved. Plan A, Plan B nothing matters. But it is very very hard to know I have been replaced as the woman at his side. His brother, the same one who lived with us while he was in college had actually met her a few years before I ever found out. He knew how involved my husband was with her yet he didn't tell me. Don't you think he must have told his wife? Sometimes it just feels like layer after layer of betrayal. I tried to make some dinner plans for this evening but everyone was busy. Guess I will curl up with a good book and try not to think about it.

#669521 09/16/00 03:15 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 217
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 217
I just had to tell you how much I feel for you and how I admire your strength at getting out there to do things on your own.<BR> <BR>It must be hard to find out that all you have done for you inlaws has meant nothing to them. They are unconcerned with the pain that your H actions have caused you. It is not fair but I am sure that you know that. <P>I think the only thing that we can do is exactly what you already are doing. Get outside and do new things - like the hike you took. Even if you are the only single person. Good for you! Keep it up. I can only get easier as time goes on.<P>We can only get on with our lives as best we can. Even if it is hard at first. You may not have the support of your in laws but I know that you can find support here.<P>I am also looking into local support groups for people going through divorce and infidelity issues. Maybe that would help you as well. Like you I anticipate being deserted by my "friends" since most of them are people we met through my H's office. I am trying to plan for that by finding a support group.<P>As far as a good book. I can recommend two.<P>Correllies Mandoline (this will be a movie in December.) The first 100 pages are very verbose but beyond that it is such a good book that it is worth putting up with the first 100 pages. Its about a romantic relationship but is not a romance novel by any means. My H read it to and also says it is one of his favorites as well. <P>Also consider The Kitchen God's wife by Amy Tan. This may be a good book for you since it deals with a woman in China who is plagued by a crummy husband and a war and yet she triumphs over all of it in the end. Defineatly one of my favorites.<P>Good luck.<P>Acacai<P>

#669522 09/16/00 03:58 PM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
I have an idea how you feel. I never received any support from most of x's family. Only his parents but that was because of the children. There've been a lot of times when I've done things where I was the only person there alone. It's not easy but it is survivable. You're doing well.<P>I spent a year and a half attending S-Anon meetings. It's a 12 step group for people who are co-addicts of people with sexual addiction problems. They range from pornography and telephone sex, serial affairs, sexual self-abuse (excessive masturbation), sexual anorexia (don't do it), to other things. It was a wonderful place for me at the time. It gave me a new perspective and helped me stay sane and become healthy.<P>There is also a group called SA which is Sexaholics Anonymous for the people who have the addiction. <P>The national offices for both organizations are in Nashville, Tennessee. If you, or anyone else needs to contact them for additionl information or to find a group close to you, their phone numbers are:<P>SA 613-331-6230<BR>S-Anon 615-833-3152<P>May God give you peace and joy both today and in the future.

#669523 09/17/00 08:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 716
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 716
Hi<P>I am currently reading "Forgive and forget - healing the hurts you do not deserve" by Lewis B. Smedes. <P>Forgetting doesn't mean you walk around with amnesia but that you do not let the anguish burn you up everytime you think about the two of them or the 4 of them. Forgiving is done to release yourself from the tormentors that are eating you up. It doesn't matter whether the other two cares about been forgiven. You do it to expel the poison they have put in your soul. They made your every living so tough and the world so distant. Don't give them your right to joy and peace and love.<P>I know personally that I would never be able to recover my self worth, my mental health, my joy of life, and all the good things I deserve and need to live a fulfilling life, without the help of God. SO far, I have been to counselling sessions with pastors, and professional shrinks, as well as to two healing minitries by my church. God is merciful if you call upon him and put your faith in Jesus to help and guide you. I know, and today I experienced the most amazing healing of my emotional trauma. My mother had physical healing. too. And she was only a new yet -to-be baptised Christian.<P>Once you have received God's peace, you will find you can focus on Him and walk in His ways. You will find with relief that what your WS and OW are doing are things so far removed from you in your new life, they begin to matter less and less. Trust God to give you a new lease of life, and ask for His purpose for you. It is all up to you, but it is all worth it as well. Without Jesus, I would be dead because I would have very little hope and I wouldn't have my church friends to support and pray for us at this time.<P>You can also pray to God to soften your WS's heart towards you and your daughter so that eventually he will recognise his wrong doing towards you and your daughter and make amends by not rubbing things in your face. YOu can also pray that he will have the honour to claim his actions as his own and not your fault.<P>I believe that Jesus is the only one Who can lift me and He did even when I was not able to worship Him. My intercessors did the praying for me and he healed me of my trauma. I still have to rebuild and decide what I want but I felt a great weight lifted off my soul, and the physical violence is easily under control (I was actually hitting WS a lot and tried as I did, I could not control my violence. I was never violent before, in fact I was a very gentle couldn't hurt anything kind of person. But the OW was a violent person who used physical abuse and verbal and mental abuse and I 'became exactly like that' through soullish ties (ties transferred to you as a result of your spouse sleeping with someone else, eg. a prostitute, and you will get a spirit of lust into you as well. ). From what I can tell, the OW in your case is very insecure and she wants all because she may have lost everything through her last divorce. That could be a transfer of ties to you and you have become so insecure that you can't let go.<P>You may want to read books by Max Lucado, Derek Prince and Lewis B. Smedes, and other godly man to get peace of mind and joy back into your life.<P>If you really wish, I can pray for you. Just let me know.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 31 guests, and 52 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,811
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5