Deducted who he is, and saw him working out with STBX at the gymn when I dropped off s after soccer game. As soon as I came in the room, he left, later he came back and i looked directly into his eyes and he couldn't quite hold my gaze for very long.<P>STBX said she always wanted a tall husband, we are about the same size. He is taller, not athletic looking, has a daughter I think, and STBX wanted 3 kids after the second was born, and it is a girl, so she likes that also. He likes animals, trains shows dogs. That is about my STBX's speed.<P>He may be college educated, but my STBX does not like well educated people. She has told me that smart people make her feel stupid. (low self esteem). Just my confidence in my abilities STBX told me was a LB. So i think she is over compensating the other way.<P>Since they work together at the same location, it will interesting to see how long it lasts. It may last, who knows? But what fries my @ss is that he will not be a good educational influence, and will not bring high expectations to my kids, if they get married. Probably will be a good controlled husband for STBX.<P>I wish I understood red flags along time ago. I saw them and ignored them. stupid me! now my kids are paying the price.<P>that is what I regret!<P>thl<P>

Hey T<P>If only any of us would have been able to pick up on the flags, things could have been different.<P>I have all the info of the OM. It's great to have friends at the hospital that can access medical records. I know what meds he takes, what he is allergic to and his past medical history. Just wanted to know at the time.<P>Now, I don't really care. He can have her and deal with her crap. Val is not my problem or responsibility.<P>Still running to the mail box every day. What the hell is taking so long to get D?<P>Take care of you, Buddy<P>Zippy

I know what you mean about the OP. I was very obsessed about OP, and although I have seen the photos, know her quailfications, the type of housing she stays in, etc., I wanted very badly to see the chinless banshee face to face. Even though I know she can't hold a candle to me from miles away in any aspect, as my WS has said repeatedly, I was obsessed.<P>Maybe, I just wanted to close the chapter with the forgone conclusion that they were so cheap together.<P>As for the children, spend more time with them. Be upright, honourable and fun, they will love you even more as they grow up.<P>Take care

I'm told all the time that rebound relationships hardly ever work out. So maybe things aren't as rosey as you may think? Some peope can not look at their own relationships they need a distraction to make themselves feel better. My ex does the samething.<BR>In time you'll have tons more to offer.

I was just curious. I ignored him.<P>After I got home, I thought about torturing my STBX by introducing myself to him in front of her, by saying "So you're brian, I've heard alot about you."<P>But, i wait, playing the higher road,<BR>deciding NOT to ever get involved with another woman until the kids are very well<BR>mentally and educationally.<P>That is my priority, other than to buy that damn house with no mortgage!<P>thl

I was just curious. I ignored him.<P>After I got home, I thought about torturing my STBX by introducing myself to him in front of her, by saying "So you're brian, I've heard alot about you."<P>But, i wait, playing the higher road,<BR>deciding NOT to ever get involved with another woman until the kids are very well<BR>mentally and educationally.<P>That is my priority, other than to buy that damn house with no mortgage!<P>thl

Good for you taking the higher road....nothing can come fromeither confrontation or anything else. <P>What I do read in your post is your angst re this subpar influence on your children...and that this is what the OP is ultimately about in terms of your emotions and fear for the future. <BR>My heart goes out to you and the children.<P>Take as much time as you can to be involved in all aspects of your children's lives. Because stbx has a SO, this is not their father and no SOB of hers will ever take your place as the father of your children unless there is a vacuum....which only you can create.<P>When values and morals crumble then the children have to navigate this mysterious road on their own. You can only try to teach them...ultimately they will decide which road to travel....and this is the nail biting time.<P>Good luck<P>

Thanks, Willbok,<P>yes, I was told i was too cofident and too independent for my STBX. Basically, she did stuff with me in the beginning because she liked me and what i represented, but she didn't grow with me. And she complained about me not liking and doing her stuff, which I had not done very much of as I grew up from age 25 to 40. So she went very far the other way to find a physically taller, stronger person, and much less mentally strong. She confuses physical strength and mental strength. My mom works there, and I told her about the new OM, and my mom just thinks she is wigged out. It will be interesting to see how long it lasts, and how she shows him to the kids, and what their reactions will be. 8 yo d loves his dogs, and STBX likes things that are free, doesn't want to work hard to earn money to afford nice stuff. So she has friends to mooch along with for kids.<P>I understand your battles also, as they are somewhat similar to mine, but not as intense. What I need to do is buy the new house in the neighborhood where my kids friends all live, and that will solve their not wanting to come to my apartment, where there is no one.<P>you have reduced your frequency of posting, is life better? or the same?<P>thl<P>

Zippy,<P>The reason I wanted to know is post mortem analysis, what does OM have that I don't, didn't, etc, to determine if it was me or it was her.<P>I don't care about him, or who she dates, but I do care about what the influences will be on my kids. I other words, what I am up against.<P>The Analysis shows that she did not grow with me, that she has a certain life she has always wanted, but didn't know what it was, or if she did , she couldn't verbalize it, and finally thinks she has found it. In my affair analysis 10 years ago, i told the MC that we were two desperate people looking for someone to make us complete. STBX can't verbalize it that way, but she doesn't think either.<P>The OM shows to me what she values, and it is not what I am, nor would it be the values I was brought up with. Now, I knew this before the wedding, but did not understand human relationships like I do now. Nor did I understand myself, as myself came into being at age 30, and I think my STBX's life came into being at age 40.<P>Now that I understand, I can combat the influences, the STBX's resentment towards hard working successful people, towards intelligent H's, towards deep communication. She will learn the hard way, and she will learn I was right. She does most of the time. <P>its just validation of my analysis, that is what I was looking for, and it comes through loud and clear.<P>thl<P><BR>

THL,<P>Did you feel sick to your stomach the first time you saw OM? Is this the same OM that would have been around at beginning of the break up?? Or have they changed??<P>I remember the first time I saw OW, I was sick to my stomach.<P>The high road is exactly the right one for you because your smarter and better than them both anyhow. <P>Hope your doing well, I haven't been on PC much at all, between injuring my thumb and the final paperwork of the divorce, I just have no energy.<P>Started saving for nashville too! <P>Be strong, Dana<BR>