Up to this point, my wife and I have been living together with the kids. Last night she suggested I move out while we were selling the house.<P>I then suggested if that sound like a good option that maybe she should be the one to move out. She then suggested that if she did she would take the kids. Just like the last few months it is always disrupt the kids lives, she has no thoughts about them what so ever.<P>If GOD has a plan I wish he would clue me in some how, because right now everyone is getting hurt. I cannot imagine that is his plan! <P>This all blows my mind!

HIO, sorry about the pain your going through, I know how you feel. What's the saying "If you love something, let it go and if it comes back, its yours to keep". I know this is very difficult, atleast it has been for me. It seems like everytime I'm ready to give up and just take care of me, he gives me yet another sign that he still does love me but is having difficult with his problems (drinking and depression). Take care of yourself for a while, you deserve to be happy and go on. This doesn't mean you can't see your kids on a daily basis and show them your love. Make your life about you and your kids, everything else will fall into place. How old are your children? Couldn't they decided who they'd like to live with? <P>Don't stop coming here, I look in everyday even though I don't always post. It has helped me alot, I wish my H would check this site out.<P>My prayers are with you.<BR>

Thanks, my kids are little (5,8) and they deserve to be with both parents. Reality is that each of us has our strong points and the kids deserve to learn from both of us together.<P>I also have a 19 year old that I adopted 9 years ago when we were married because my wifes ex wanted to relinquish parental rights. He is now away at college!<P>I will try to let go the chances that she will come back are slim but what the hell.

Your kids are younger than mine (14 & 16) but I remember leaving my H when they were (3 & 4) for the same problems. Yes all children deserve to have both parents in the same household, unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way. I have a friend who's x lives about 8 houses down the street, they planned it this way so their 4 children could go and come. There is a downside to that though, mom never let dad have his life, while she went on and married 2 more times. My oldest has had alot of problems with h's way of thinking. I just keep reminding him that he still loves him. Sons says how can dad be so loving one day and the complete opposite the next. Never knows what to expect. I don't know if its harder on them when they are young, teenagers or young adults. <P>Hang in there and keep talking to your children.<P>Stay busy with friends and family, get a hobby.

I know the concept about God having a plan for all of us is hard to get used to, but things do happen for a reason.<P>You know the old saying, opinions are like a**holes, everyone's got one and they all stink. Well here's another one of my opinions....IF the two of you are not able to live under the same roof with the kids and your W is not willing, I think it would be easier for you to move out. I know you don't want to leave your kids and since I don't have any myself I'm probably not the most qualified to speak. But from the house standpoint, my W moved out and I stayed in the house. Coming home night after night to "our" empty house and empty bed was devistating for me. At times, it still is. I think she had a big advantage in getting her own apartment. None of the memories are staring her in the face when she comes home and she can really feel that the apartment is really her home.<P>You definately don't want to distrupt the kids so if it is at all possible, you should both try and stay in the house together, especially since you are trying to sell it.<P>That's just my take.<P>JH93<p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited September 28, 2000).]

I've been thinking about your situation and wishing I had something more to say. The one thing that keeps coming back to me is the "Love Must Be Tough" concept by Dr. James Dobson. He's the Focus on the Family guy. His concept on this is, sometimes when people think you can live without them, they see you as more desirable. <P>Now, that being said, it didn't work with my x. Frankly I think he has a heart (and I don't mean the organ) problem and that he won't be truly happy for a long time, if ever. Even if he is getting married. I tried it. It didn't bring him back but, by adopting the philosophy, I think it helped heal me.<P>As far as the house goes. I put my foot down and said I wanted the children and the house. I won. I did have to buy him out but I found a mortgage and pulled it off. This was a hammered out settlement, the courts didn't make the decision. I had to settle for joint custody with primary residence and the agreement is written so that I have to keep him informed on major decisions concerning the children but I do not have to have his permission. He hasn't fought me in 5 years though he did try once. But I ended up getting what I needed.<P>It is hard to stay in the house. I'm still there five years after he moved out. But we're doing ok. There are a lot of bad memories. That's why I paint and paper often. I'm still evicting his handiwork.<P>But I digress. Maybe it's time to tell her that you don't need to live this way and ----should move.<P>By the way, the day x left, I sent my children with my sister and her children to do something fun. I called my/our counselor and had him come over. X had last minute interrogation as to his desire to do this and I had support. He was there when children left but gone when they returned. I hated for them to go through the trauma of seeing him leave. They did know ahead of time but, at 4 and 2, I doubt they comprehended.<P>