Now I don't post too much anymore, but I am around most every day. Short update follows.<P>Had to drop out of the Ph.D. program and get a job. Couldn't have made it without her income anyway.<P>So I decide to move back home. It's only LA to San Diego, I've been making the drive every weekend for 3 years. How hard can it be for her?<P>Of course, now she wants custody of the kids. Didn't bother to spend any time with them while she was here. All of our family is down here. Her boyfriend is working in Maryland and only comes back every month or so. She can't afford her apartment, car payment is three months behind, checking account overdrawn for two months, you get the idea.<P>She lives in an area where the crime rate is 2 1/2 times the national average. The school is in the bottom 10% in the state.<P>Her apartment has no where for the children to play, her babysitter does not have custody of her own kids, and she is $1800 behind on child support. And she has agreed to move down to San Diego anyway! Course, she won't tell the court that.<P>After all of this, in her twisted sense of priorities, the children would be better off with her.<P>So now the judge has ordered a "fast track" evaluation. We show up in the morning and talk to the evaluator. Everyone troops over to the judges chamber in the afternoon, the evaluator gets up on the stand, tells their story, and the judge makes a decision.<P>So I am running around like a chicken with no head, trying to gather documentation that I have been a good father and the children should stay with me. I have declarations from my family, friends, all of son's teachers, and anyone else I can think of. My lawyer's bill is up to $8,000 and counting.<P>I will probably get about an hour with the evaluator. Talk about nerve racking! My children's lives hang in the balance based on a one hour interview.<P>Some words of encouragement would be appreciated.<P>Thanks

{{{bri}}}<P>It is awful to have the life of your child hang in the balance of another's choice. I am waiting for mediation for my girls on Halloween, with much the same feeling of dread. <P>This divorce thing is so detructive to so many, I just don't understand why it was made to be so "easy" to get. <P>My thoughts are with you, and it sounds as if you have plenty of data for your right to have custody. <P>Lori

Is this what happens in custody cases? Sounds like the kids get hurt more than anyone else.<P>I was considering suing for full custody based on some events of the last couple weeks now I am not sure

Brian,<P>You can make it through this...<P>Make sure you have notes written down on every major item that would impact the evaluator...<P>Don't leave off the most important things...<P><B>BE HONEST</B>...<BR>Sincerity carries alot of weight...<BR>Review the FRTC board for more ideas...<P>You have my prayers... <P>Jim

Y'know the worst part of this is that I am going to have to drag her through the dirt to ensure that I retain custody. No matter what anyone tells you, there is still a "mommy bias", at least in the courtroom I am in.<P>I won't give any specifics, but I have more than enough dirt to bury her many feet under. I never wanted to use any of this, and have not, to this point.<P>So now I am forced to do something I never wanted to do, just to get what is best for the kids.<P>No one deserves this.

{{{{{{{{{{{BRIAN}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Sorry I got your name from Jim's post. <P>When exactly is/was this meeting? I can't tell did it already happen, what were the results.<P>I am sorry to hear that this is happening. Try to keep your strength, and if you want your kids with you, then spare no expense, to keep them with you. You will get the child support eventually.<P>Do you have a support enforcement bureau where you live/?? If anything you'll get her tax refund.<P>Second, do you have an order now stating you are the custodial parent??<P>You will be in my prayers tonite. I know you don't want to do this. No one SHOULD have to go thru it, but we do.<P>You will become a stonger person in the process and your kids will know one day all you did for them.<P>Be strong and take care,<BR>Dana<BR>

Brian,<P>I'm sorry you have to go through this too. What is your L's opinion of her chances getting the kids?<P>I sometimes fear the same thing. However my lawyer says her already leaving the kids doesn't look good. Since I haven't lost any of them or starved them to death, my chances of remaining the residential custodian would be good. <P>If nothing has changed dramatically I don't see why your situation should change either.<P>BEst of luck and God's blessings!<P>Bob

The hearing is a week from Monday, October 16.<P>My lawyer says that it is a toss up. Maybe he is trying to keep my expectations low. I don't know. I am the custodial parent now, and they are thriving. Hopefully that will carry some weight.<P>Y'know, I don't even really care about the child support. I just bring this up because she quit a job where she could have easily paid all of this and took a job a minimum wage. It all goes to the sense of responsibility. She has none anymore. <P>Had a conversation with her this evening during the turnover. She is convinced that what is in her best interests is what she should do. She freely admits that what she is doing is not in the children's best interests, and she really has no desire to do what is in their best interests. Too bad I can't get that on tape.<P>The person that I was with for 14 years is dead. I really miss her.<P>The only thing in the custody hearing that is really against me is that I moved the children out of the area. Guess judges don't like that too much. Hopefully the other factors will counteract this.<P>Thanks everyone for your concern<P>Brian