Okay, I have to admit that this is totally going against my nature--but then again, I am learning! In this instance, I want very much to disappear and recover on my own, but I have learned that I need to turn TOWARD my friends, not AWAY.<P>Anyway, I had a horrible, late night with the stbx. I was already pretty tired from doing a ton of holiday shopping, wrapping and shipping, and from thinking about and worrying about a special friend, so my plan for the night had been to go to bed early and get some rest. Well, as you all know, my stbx is leaving tomorrow for a vacation with his OW (ughhhh!!), so he called around 10pm and said there was something at the house that he needed, asking if he could come over real quick and get it. Like an idiot, I said yes. When will I ever learn, right?<P>So he came over, and I just wanted him to get his thing and go: in and out, don't bother me. But he stopped and said hi to the kids, and he ended up talking and having a soda. No biggie. Then, he asked me a question, and you know, my first reaction was, "Keep your mouth shut, CJ" but of course I didn't do that. I answered truthfully, and he got all angry and yelled at me--when he started calling me names, I told him to leave, and at first he wouldn't. Then, I physically walked to another room, away from him, and I started to cry--man I HATE THAT! I HATE it when I cry in front of him, because then he knows that he hurt me, and I don't want to give him the satisfaction!<P>Well, that settled him down enough for him to leave, muttering under his breath. Why can't he just leave me alone? Isn't it enough that he doesn't want anything to do with me and the kids, does he have to come and torture us too? I just never learn to keep quiet, huh? To add frosting to the cake, the jerk leaves tomorrow for his "romantic holiday"--and his parting gift is to mess me up! What an *ss!<P>So...after he left last night, I was so upset that I stayed up really late, about 2am, and I have to wake up at 6am. Now I'm a walking zombie and my heart has been torn out of my chest. I think what I need today is a couple of hugs, some words of encouragement, some understanding, and about 2 or 3 days of sleep where I don't have to feel like this. <P>CJ <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I can understand your sense of frustration. You probably let him over thinking he just might of thought of you and the kids. Maybe hoping he bought you guys something???<P>Either way,<P>Yes you set yourself up. I do it myself all the time. It's that sense of bonding and the years you had together and he'll snap back and we'll be okay.<P>Truth is even if he were to come back now and want you guys back.... How would you trust again? <P>My counsellor says out of all marital relationships given a second shot regardless of the reason why it ended the first time 87% fail. This is because the new issues created are too bountiful on top of old issues.<P>Hugs and warm thought I'll gladly send your way.<P>Don't worry about hiding your tears. My gosh your hurt and even though he's responsible there isn't any satisfaction. Truly it probably makes him feel bad!<P>Enjoy a warm bath and some eggnog. Call a friend and take the kids toboganning. A quick burst of holiday fun with the kids will hopefully pick up your spirits!<P>LA

((((((((((CJ))))))))),<P>"I think what I need today is a couple of hugs, some words of encouragement, some understanding, and about 2 or 3 days of sleep where I don't have to feel like this"<P>I also watched every hour go by on the alarm clock from night till morning. Wish we could have chatted! Too bad there isn't a friend you can call at that time of "morning", just to relax enough to let "it go" for a couple of hours so you could get the desperately needed rest. Glad you came here, hang in there and get some ZZZZZ's. You are in good company in "zombieland" today!<P>((((((((((HUGS TO YOU))))))))))<P>Ragamuffin<BR>

((((((((((CJ))))))))))<P>It was good to see that you came here instead of me having to start hunting you down again. I was getting worried.<P>As for your STBX... half the time I think that they do most of their things just to spite us. But that is purely my personal opinion there. I have been seeing that a lot lately in a varity of relationships. He was very inconsiderate, and for him to call you so late and ask a favor of you and then to do that to you was wrong.<P>I know that you are upset, but don't let him get to you. The only reason why you let him come over in the first place is becasue you are a nice person. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I wish that there were more nice people in the world. But, you have to think of it as this, and this was one of the main things that I had to deal with in my relationship, the reason that he says such hurtful things is to make himself feel better about himself. He is trying to lower you to his level. Don't let him do that to you. You are better than that.<P>Hugs again to you ((((((((((CJ)))))))))) and you know where I am should you need to reach me. Take care of yourself, if you do that, the rest will fall into place.<P>Java

Bless you and your tired little heart......<P>Be very sure to get to bed early tonight - it is a big weekend coming up - an emotional weekend. I have found that being tired and missing sleep really makes me feel ten times worse the next day.<P>Sleep....... "dreaming of sugarplums dancing in your head"<P>[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Faithfulwife]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] - a different kind of hug - the strong "squeeze-you-so-tight-that-all-the-bad-stuff-is-forced-out" hug!!!<P>God Bless,<BR>Mike

<B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P>I'm sorry CJ, nobody should have to put up with abuse, especially after you allowed him to come over at the spur of the moment, late at night.<P>Try to take it as easy as you can today & get to bed early tonight. Hanukkah's just around the corner & you need to be rested up so you can show your kids a great holiday. Try a cup of hot chocolate & a long hot bath. Let the kids fend for themselves if you can and take the evening off. Dr. Nicks orders! <P>Take care CJ....<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Ok, since this is officially my last day posting and replying, I thought I would be safe replying to you! <P>Take everyone else's advice! Try to get some extra sleep tonight (I know it's hard), read, relax, take a hot bath...whatever might make you feel better. Just do something for CJ. <P>Oh, and here's a (((((((((HUG)))))))))<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{cj}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}ppp<P>squeeze you so hard you become smaller, and throw some pats on the back!<P>I agree with Java, <P><B> MEAN PEOPLE SUCK! </B> is the wording on the bumper sticker i would like to get. <P>so preserve yourself, LIMIT THE CONTACT, which is what Plan B is about. it actually works, and Plan B is a good lesson for your kids, in that you do not allow yourself to get emotionally abused. you do not attack back, you have high standards, and you maintain the high road by refusing to subject yourself to the possibility of more hurt. Set the example for your kids, and in the process, help yourself. show self respect, and you will gain some by not putting up with that type of behavior.<P>I know, you are a very trusting, faithful person, your name says it all, but now you have to take care and preserve YOU or there will nothing left for your kids, or that special friend.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>rrrrrrrrrr<P>hugs with small rubs on the neck, shoulders and arms. <P>not enough, OK,<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{fw}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr<P>tom<p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited December 20, 2000).]

Thanks everybody. I feel so much better, and so much more loved. Thanks.<P>At this point, I am pretty much on autopilot, but I do hear what you'all are saying. So, I have gotten myself some hazelnut hot chocolate (I'll probably fall asleep at my desk--haha), and I went outside for a minute and enjoyed the snowflakes on my eyelashes. Hey, BTW, it is snowing like a blizzard here in Denver. I have also practiced saying over and over again, "No, you can come tomorrow," or "No, I'll bring it to you," or "No, you can not come over tonight," or "Stop it, I don't deserve to be treated like that."<P>Once again, thanks everyone for sending some hugs and encouragement. I do feel better--but still VERY sleepy!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Enjoy the snow... build a snowman, and then take a baseball bat and knock his head off! <P><B><A HREF="http://www.angelfire.com/sys/popup_source.shtml?Category=" TARGET=_blank>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</A></B><P>I think you and me and Java need to get together and whistle at some sailers !!! Either that, or have a group snowman bashing!<P>Have a better day!<BR>Smooches,<BR>B<BR>

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OOOO, <P>Yahoo (wild west talk)! I never hear from you anymore, and I must admit, I miss hearing from you. How are you doing? You can see how I am. Okay, really that's not fair, because I've had several good days, and this one bad night. But, gee Beav, I never get to hear from you anymore!<P>So how are you? No, come on, for real! Lurking in the D/D forum, I see. Should I send some of this Denver blizzard your way? Do you want a white Christmas? How has your holiday season gone? Mine has been minorly painful and wierd, but all-in-all I'm pretty pleased with how I have survived. I felt a bit bummed out one day when I was supposed to be decorating the house, so I had my kids decorate instead. They were THRILLED and it kinda got me back in the mood too.<P>It's such a comfort to hear from you. I wish you'd write more often. Try my email sometime too: cindy_wolfe@blm.gov. You've always been around to make me feel better--I guess that's what friends are for, huh bud?<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{OOOO}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Thanks for your hugs and your song. Will hot chocolate be an acceptable substitute for an ice cream cone? Hope so!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

Here's a quick update. I had a "slow but steady" day at work yesterday, and by the end of the day felt like I had my head on much straighter. I took the kids out to dinner at one of those local diners, and we all had Chicken Fried Steak (comfort food). Then, at home, I had hot chocolate and wrote for a while (I love to write--it's the way I let it all out). I watched my favorite show: West Wing, and I went to bed at 10:30pm right after then news was done. I slept until 5:30am, but once I woke up, I couldn't get back to sleep, so I went with it. <P>The good news is, I got some sleep, I didn't get yelled at, and HE'S GONE. The bad news is, I feel stunned and a little numb. He actually left us for the holidays--all eight days of Hanukkah AND New Years! Well, whatever. It must be awful foggy wherever he is!<P>I wanted to personally thank everyone that wrote. "Looking Ahead", I appreciate your thoughts about tobagganing. In fact, since our family is Jewish, I was kind of wondering what to do on actual Christmas day, when everything is closed. Now, I think we'll go sledding. "Ragamuffin", if you'll email me your phone number, I'll call you and you can call me any night you like. Like you, I am a natural night owl, and when you add in this stress--well, let's just say that some nights I've learned to just accept the fact that I ain't gonna sleep! "Java"--I love ya, chick. You know that I know how to get ahold of ya, and I will, but I really appreciate you pointing out to me that he was saying those hurtful things to feel better about himself. It's so true. He'll do almost anything to justify the way he's behaving. "SoTired", Mike, what can I say. I've always valued your words of wisdom, 'cuz I know you give wise council. I really appreciate your hug.<BR>"c00ker", Nick...well I think you know how I feel about you--you're my best, best bud. I got the Dr. Nick prescription last night, and you know what? I DO feel better! "Mitzi", my lady, we are going to miss you. Hope you don't mind if I still send you a joke or two to brighten your days. I value your friendship probably more than your realize. "WhenIFindTheTime", Tom, I needed your hugs and pats and rubs more than you know. What you said was so good for me, too: I really do need to establish my own boundaries and limits THAT I SET and then put into practice enforcing them. I will do better. "Butterfly", I suggest that after the holidays, you and I and Java get together and whistle at sailors--but where is there any water out here in the wild, wild west? Is it the same affect to whistle at nuclear physicists? Last but not least, "OffOnOnOff", I can only say that I am so happy to hear from you. Thought I lost ya there, and I'm glad you're still around! <P>You guys, thank you so much!<P><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Hi CJ,<P>I'm came in late on this thread, so all I want to add is a hug and a wish for you and your kids to have a great first night of Hanukkah! I'm off to light our menorah; I'll say a prayer for you as well, OK?<P>AGG

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Sorry I'm late....<P>Love you,<P>Bill

Happy Holidays! And Happy New Year!<BR>Thanks for your reply to my situation, it was much appreciated! You are a special lady and your kids are lucky to have you.<P>((((((((((((((((((CJ)))))))))))))))))))))))<P>My first cyber hug!<P>Boy does that feel good!!!!!!<P>((((((((((((((((CJ))))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>Wow!<P>Take care and may the New Year bring you nothing but Happyness!