Does everybody here think of their X or STBX everyday?<P>I have thoughts of her in the morning, mid-day and when I am home at night. Some are sad, but they don't make me as sad as they used to (actually some are actually happy). But the bottom line is that the thoughts always recur - I don't think there has been one single day in over 8 months where I have not thought about her.<P>I used to hear about parents losing children to death and vice versa, and how they thought about their loved ones everyday. To be honest, I never knew how that was possible - and I found it hard to believe. Maybe this is a learning experience for me in that now I know how much of a loss these people feel.<P>And what about the abandoning spouses? Do you think they have these same recurring thoughts about their spouses?<P>Mike

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoTired2000:<BR><B>Does everybody here think of their X or STBX everyday?<P>And what about the abandoning spouses? Do you think they have these same recurring thoughts about their spouses?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I think about mine almost every day. I wonder what she is doing, whether her life is better or worse. Sometimes I think of revenge, or money she owes me, or things she hasn't signed that I need her to. I think about her dysfunctional family and how they impinged upon our marriage, and about things some of them really *need* to know about others but haven't been told. I think about maybe causing them to perform the final act of Hamlet. I think about whether what I have demanded--that she tells a key person what they need to know or lets me do it--will in any way work out. A lot depends on the credence that person gives to what they hear, and whether they respond appropriately.<P>I think about why she moved back from Europe and took a place in a building that I knew she thought second-rate, and how that building is right next to my business address, the only place in a city of 2 million that I *must* be on a more or less daily basis (had she moved into my apartment building, I could have sold my place and moved out ... but this other place can't be ignored, even though I work mostly at home). What does it mean that she has had me babysit the dog? <P>I think about whether I got involved again too soon; before all the dust had settled from our divorce. I love my new girlfriend, she is vastly different and in many (if not all) ways superior to my XW. But when I gave my commitment to my XW it was for life. Does the fact that *she* broke her side of the connection give me the right to break mine? Or am I wrong in having done so. And how can I even think for a moment of wantng to go back when that would harm the new GF?<P>I think about her health, and how it impacts her life, and impacted our life; and I wonder if it is holding up or improving, or is she struggling again? One of the things that "freed" her to want to get divorced was a miraculous treatment for half the symptoms of her condition (the other half got nailed too by a tried-and-true, though expensive, piece of home medical equipment). She revolutionized her life (all went: me, the job, the dog, even the USA), but now it's all back to status quo except for me. Was I the one thing that didn't work? I *must* doubt that.<P>She can hide the symptoms of pain and stiffness well for short periods, and I know that if there were any, she would do so from me during our brief post-marital meetings. I think about whether dealing with her illness made me depressed, or would I have become depressed anyway? And what of the "*mild*" antidepressant she has taken for our entire marriage--did it help or hurt us, or just stop doing a thing at some point--the supervision of it wasn't real good. If she tried to withdraw, it made her paranoid and ornery. Or was that just her normal self coming back?<P>Yeah, I think about her. Does she think of me? I don't even know whether I hope so or not.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sisyphus (edited December 27, 2000).]

Every day, several times a day. It doesn't hurt as badly every time, but it still touches a raw nerve every once in awhile.<P>I often wonder if she ever thinks of me, but I suspect the fog is a little too thick for that.<P>I just want to make sure that it's well and truly over, and my feelings for her have dried up before I ever move on. I can't imagine EVER causing another human being the pain she's put me through.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

He's been gone five years and, yes, i still think about him every day. I'm still raising the children. There's no escaping the connection I will have to him for manty more yearrs. I think about him when I have to explain to my children why some things won't fit in the budget. Why I can't go on a field trip because I have to go to work. Why...... And some days I think that his having an on-the-job accident between now and next December wouldn't be a bad thing. But I guess the children need to know him although maybe one day they'll see him in less adoring ways.

I still think of her every day, it has been some 8 months. I suspect it will be a life time event thats why dating will not work for me and remarriage is not a possiblity!

As I'm in the middle of my divorce right now, I frequently email by best friend about my marital problems. He's a true friend. The other day I was writing an email and just before I sent it, I noticed that I hadn't mentioned my wife. I was a bit shocked and noted that in the email.<P>Still, I do think of her every day. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Lately, I've just been hoping that she will be safe and happy, so I guess I've made considerable progress given that I've been betrayed and she's the one who filed for divorce. <P>She must be thinking about what I'm doing. She's asked, but I don't tell her. She doesn't want to share her life with me, so I'm not sharing mine with her. I just say I'm very busy and extremely happy. It irritates the hell out of her, but she chose to be with another man and file for divorce. She is a basket case right now. She's always been difficult to comfort. Her world is always screwed up. She's really feeling the walls cave in now. Let's see if loverboy has the stamina to continuously comfort a basket case.

It's been 5 years for me, and I still think of him constantly. There is no way to escape from it.<P>I remember reading once, that when someone is going through a divorce, that they end up spending more time thinking about their spouses than they ever did before.<P>It has always struck me as so odd, that I'd never given my xH this much of my time or attention in all the 23 years we'd been together. But, that in the last 5 years...he and our marriage, has been the most constant focus of all my thoughts and attention!<P>Obviously, a wee bit of a cosmic joke, I guess. Clearly, the lesson seems to be, that if I'd only spent this much time and attention on him, and noticing what was really going on in our marriage, perhaps I could have stopped the decline before it was too late.<P>Guess I just file it under, live and learn...how sad.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited December 27, 2000).]

I think of him every day, many times during the day:<P>In the morning, at lunch, on the phone, at dinner, at night, at bedtime.<P>Some days I wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking, and if he's okay. Then I stop myself and think it's not my business anymore. Other days I wonder if being smothered by a pillow is a painful enough way to kill him (haha). <P>Over the months, the ups and downs of the rollercoaster have gotten less extreme, so I've mellowed with age. However, the fact remains that he left me and I didn't leave him, so he's still in my thoughts every day.<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I still think of my STBXH every day. I find that I am not "obsessing" about him as much. I do not find myself predicting or projecting what will happen to him and to his OW/fiancee in their relationship as much as I used to. I am slowly reaching the stage where I make a conscious effort to think about myself and what I want rather than him. I pray for patience and faith. Patience to wait for good things to happen to me and faith to think/know that good things will happen. My STBXH wants me to forgive him. I think I pretty much have except that I want to wait until all of our negotiations are complete and the divorce is final before I do this. <P>Question to betrayed spouses - Did you ex or STBX ever apologize to your child/children for the chaos and havoc that they have caused in their lives? My STBXH has apologized to me several times but has not said he is sorry to our 11 yo D yet. Why has he not done this? Any input would be appreciated.<P>patalp@hotmail.com

I think about my ex every day, usually several times a day. I wonder how she is handling everything and who she is confiding in to help her through this.<P>I often wonder how much she thinks about me, if she really has any idea of how much pain she has caused to me and to our families. And I wonder if she ever feels that she made a mistake or acted too hastily in all of her decisions of the past 6 months.<P>Things are getting easier and will continue to be better over time, but to turn off the love and feelings you have for a person just because a piece of paper says you’re divorced is not a realistic thought. At least not for me.<BR>

I think of my STBX all the time. Just when I think I am going to be Ok, he shows up and I realize that I still miss him terribly. I don't miss who he is now... he is so cold and unfeeling, but I miss who he was once. He spent 8 hours across the street on Christmas Day and couldn't be bothered to walk across the street and wish his kids a Merry Christmas. <P>I agree with some of the previous statements, the pain is still so intense, knowing he is psychologically unstable will always make me feel this divorce was a mistake and so I will probably go the rest of my life wondering about him. <P>As much as he has hurt me, I still don't think of him in a bad way... I just miss him and want him sane again. <P>Lori

Go easy on me, BUT,<P>very seldom. I don't wonder what she's doing. I wonder about how the kids are doing when they are with her. Nope, sorry, its been too long, and I realize too much how ill-fated my decisions and reasoning had been.<P>but no, I have too many other neat and nice things to think about than to waste time thinking about her. I have you guys to worry about, and my soccer teams, and my job, and some more friends and stuff.<P>I did spend Christmas day in her house with the kids. It was weird, in that i had very little interest in talking with her. We were watching Rudolph, as a family, and she was asleep in the chair. She hasn't changed much, still likes lots of junk, still saves everything, still can't make good decisions, still thinks having a problem house is worthwhile. I got her a nice present, she didn't get me anything. I busted my butt so that the kids were excited to give her presents, and they were some unique presents.<BR>The kids had a blast wrapping for her, and buying for her, and giving her stuff.<P>The kids don't have good manners in her house, she's afraid to punish for fear of being rejected, or something, i don't know.<P>I got to her house at 1 AM with all my presents finally wrapped, and of course she needs 8 hours sleep or she turns into a witch, and she wasn't going to get it, so she was pissed.<P>And I look around, and she has pictures of the kids as babies still, those are her favorite, not the ones with them growing up, but with them as babies. <P>so sorry to be the pooper of the party, but<BR>nope. the fires went out a long time ago, about three and one half years ago.<P>sorry, i realize that there are people with whom i can talk and converse, and have fun more so than i ever could with her. she complained too much, and just being herself, pushed my buttons to no end. the more i read and study, the more i realize that she did me a favor, but did not do the kids a favor, and I would have stayed for the kids, that's what we had been doing anyway for the last two years.<P>tom

I'm with WIFTT...<P>The onlt time I think about ex is when someone else mentions her or she calls me...<P>I no longer care what or who she does...<P>It has been this way for many months now...<P>I remember when I couldn't get her out of my mind but that is no longer the case...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

I thnk of my ex every day.<P>He has alot of admirable qualities.<P>Unfortunately some of those qualities are what stands in our way.<P>I guess i fell in love with a person that i truly can say i will always hold in my heart everyday. (in a way that no one else will EVER touch).<P>I'm a very difficult person to get to know.<BR>Tough skinned.<BR>He has been the only person other than my best gal pals that i have ever wanted to include and depend on. <BR>That revolation scares the dickens out of me and ultimately led to disaters.