There is another woman.... What else can I say... Get this... He blamed me for trying to ruin that relationship!!! He is the one who has been calling me and coming over. He made his choices... when I found out the truth and confronted him and his OM, he started to blame me also for the lies he told her. She seemed very surprised that the gifts he got for Christmas came from me!! Go figure. <BR>I am devastated, but I know I will get over it. Funny thing is... I still love him. <P>

Oh wow blindsided,<P>I'm sorry it has come to this. I know how much you wanted to work on saving your marriage. It's very frustrating to know how hard you tried, only to relaize that they had no intention of trying to make it work.<P>I still can't believe that the woman I adored for 20 years would ever do this to me. I still wake up sometimes and think "this can't be happening".<P>It takes time, but you are correct. You will get over this.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Thanks cOOker.... <P>Ok, so when I wrote that last night it was really raw. I did manage to get about 2 hours of sleep. I plan on calling him a little later today so that we can go over what I expect from him. You know what his fear was last night when I confronted both of them? That I would tell her the truth about all that he has been doing with me. (Hum... guess she wouldn't appreciate a wife sleeping with her husband!!!) I held my tongue. She was supposed to have been a friend of mine as well. I figure that in due time she will find out what this "wonderful" man is all about. I wrote him a letter early this morning about what I expected now from him and that I was sorry for him. I expect a divorce on my terms. No property settlement, he can have what he took and I will keep what he left. I expect him to continue to pay the bills that he agreed to. No more. No less. I expect to be divorced as soon as possible. As much as I know I love this man, but I also know that I will never be able to trust him again. <P>Maybe I have the wrong attitude now about my marriage, but based on all of the lies that I uncovered last night there was never a marriage to begin with. Last night he lied to the woman he now claims to "love" while on the phone with me. Telling her that he told me about them three weeks ago. When I spoke with her I made sure that she knew he didn't. Even invited her to talk to my family about all of the times he was back over at my house in the last month in a half. Asked her to check for his wedding band in his car since he always wore it over here. Asked her if he was so proud of her why wouldn't he tell his mother about her?? Funny, she didn't have a whole lot of answers. Anyway... (Sorry this is so long, just needing to unload)... they get in her car and drive around. I get in my truck and tell him he is going to have to tell me to my face that it is over. I knocked on the door, no answer... went over to my best friends house (about 1 mile from H's place) and started talking to my best friend. H calls friend, tells him I have gone crazy and I am out on the roads following H's girlfriends children around... Best friend says "You sure?" He starts yelling and says "yes, she is over the edge"... Best friend.. "Well, bud hate to burst your bubble, but she is sitting right here on the couch talking to me"... Oooooops... guess that was supposed to convince the OW that I was crazy and following the kids... Didn't quite work that way. Anyway, he comes over to my friends house to talk. Says "Great, are you happy? You have gotton what you want, she is leaving me. It's all your fault." I say "Your cheating and lies ran her off, not me..." Geez, what kind of fool was I??? <BR>Sorry again for the saga... anyone else experience this sort of thing.

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trying to move on (edited March 26, 2001).]

The funny thing about them having affairs is the denial and the justification they go through. I suspect my STBX believes I don't know about her affair, which is kind of disappointing, but it doesn't really matter.<P>I'm starting to get angry about what my son and I are being put through, all so <B>SHE</B> can be "happy". I'm also begining to believe that I probably don't want her anymore. I think I deserve someone better. Not someone who runs off with someone else rather than working on a realtionship.<P>(vent, vent) <P>It's a long painful process to go through, but it will make me much more careful if I decide to try another relationship someday.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Trying to move on-<BR> Thanks...After all of the lies I could never take him back. I know that I could never trust him again, no matter the amount of counseling either of us had. The last feelings I had for him were destroyed last night with all of the lies that he told both the OW and myself.. I am on the road to healing now instead of just sitting here feeling sorry for myself...

c00ker- <BR> You are absolutely right. They are so selfish in what they do that no one else matters. As I stated earlier... As long as he got what he wanted he lied to OW as well. Forced the kids to lie... etc etc.. I figure they deserve each other. Time will tell. He is the jealous type and she is a flirt so I already know that will cause problems. Anyway, today is a new brighter day. Hopefully the D won't take too long and will be peaceful. I am not interested in being involved in a long nasty divorce that would cripple me emotionally. I can make it on my own and find someone who deserves my love and will return it as well in time.

Such a pity that WSs get to live and breathe. I''m fortunate that I wasn't fed a lot of lies, other than "I love you." And the marriage vows. <P>Other than that, my x wasn't a liar. Only pond scum.