Hi guys, <P>I try so hard not to indulge. But indulge I did in a BIG way today.<P>I tried so hard to have a great day with my kids at the beach. We were there for 5 hours, and I'm confident that they had a great time. I did not. I can't get those thoughts of him and her, having great times together, happy, laughing etc etc etc out of my head today.<P>He told me during the week that he has a dinner party to go to tonight. He volunteered the information, I didn't ask. So now all I can think about is that while I'm here alone, he's laughing, having a great time. I'm assuming it's with her, as you do. It's busting my butt tonight big time.<P>I thought I was dealing with all of this. I thought I was doing so well. Letting him go and do his own thing. So often I can block thoughts like these, but today I just can't for some reason. And it's not even PMS!!!!!!!!!<P>Even my bad movie mantra isn't working today.....<P>thanks for letting me vent<BR>I have to get the children out of the bath and feed them and put them to bed. I'll check back in a couple of hours.<P>love you all<P>Jo

Jo,<P>sorry, that you had a bad day. It is hard to not to go in overdrive when you know that they are with the OW. My H went to the states this week, know he saw OW, I prayed a lot this week, actually I was hoping she have PMS big time & LB all over the place. : <P><BR>Hope you found something to take your mind off things tonight. After 5 hrs at the beach with my boys or at least YS all I would want is long hot bath & a good book. <BR>

Hi Sing,<BR>thanks for that. What's YS? I have no idea what that is... Sorry for my ignorance.<P>Where are you? You're obviously not in the States if your H went there this week!!<BR>Are you sure he saw OW?<BR>This is just the cruellest thing they could ever do.<BR>I will never understand this.<P>Hope your day went well, and tomorrow is better.<P>Jo

{{{{{{{Jo}}}}}}}}<P>Every once in awhile everything's going along fine & then the ride takes an unexpected drop. I think it's natural to have feelings even after the divorce is final, especially if you are on your own.<P>Although he seems happy, I'd be willing to bet he's not doing as well as he's leading you to believe. He probably just wants you to think he's doing great. <P>I think very few wandering spouse's pride would ever let them admit that leaving was not the best thing to do. It's kind of an ego thing. That and they may suppose that we'd make their lives miserable if they ever asked to come back. Not being a WS, however, my logic could be skewed. Anyway, I hope your weekend gets better Jo.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Bonnet,<P>Well, I am in that wonderful island city state a few thousand miles north of you. Asia 101-Singapore.<P>YS- youngest son<P>I am not divorce or divorcing (yet), I just lurk over here sometimes. <P>Yeah, I know he saw her, she was part of the reason that he went to the states, but he spent less than 3 days there. <P>Hope your pity party is over now. Everyone needs a good one every once in awhile. <BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JO}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I tend to agree with the others...<P>Some days it's just plain hard...<P>Hang in there,<P>Love ya,<P>Bill

((((((((((Jo))))))))))<P>I am sorry that you are feeling like this today. It will get better. Just know that we are here and that we all care about you!

Um JO,<P>YOU WENT TO THE BEACH WITHOUT ME? WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!<P>You rotten lousey little ......... ARRGGGG!!!<P>Where's my gun? I'll kill you first!!!<P>And you want the seat down? HA!!! Just see if you can find it now.<P>Alright, for real. Jo, you have shown the class of one great woman, one that anyone would be happy to call his own.<P>Your H has a head full of bad wiring, must have fallen down the steps one too many times.<P>Don't forget that you are special in this world. He is the one that is losing out.<P>One last thing, if you put the damn dishes and glasses in the oven one more time... I'm gonna........<P>The Pinhead

Jo,<BR>Sorry to hear that you had such a bad day. My thoughts are with you. Things will get better. You are such a strong person, you will survive. I also agree with the others, he isn't as happy as he wants you to think he is.<P><P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P><BR>Sheryl W.<P><BR>www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie

Thanks guys,<P>I did get through today (Sunday).<BR>Mind you, I had to get up at 3 a.m. to sign on at 4.30 a.m. Whoever writes these rosters should be shot. Mind you, the number of people willing to travel at these times constantly amazes me. Especially on a Sunday.<P>Just an update on his dinner party. As you all know, when I have an early sign-on, he comes and spends the night at my house so he is here when the girls wake up.<BR>I didn't expect him to be here before 3.30 am (as he has done in the past, which stresses me out to the max)<BR>Last night he was here at 11.40. Before midnight. Gosh, OUR dinner parties used to go until 3 or 4 in the morning. I guess we just used to have fun.<BR>And to add to that, he couldn't have had much to drink as he had to drive here.<BR>Anyway, he was here, and he turned up earlier than I expected. He seems to be doing quite a lot of things that are surprising me lately.<P>Zippy - I'm soooooo sorry about the oven. I'll try, I really will.... I promise.<BR>thanks for the lovely compliments, they were what I needed to hear at the moment.<BR>Big and bigger hugs for you my friend<BR> BTW - how was the weekend in Nashville? Or is it this weekend coming?<P><BR>c00ker - I agree with you about him not being as happy as he's leading me to believe. I know him so well, and he just never seems happy. Most of the time I am happier than he is. Mainly I think because I believe that we make our own happiness, and that it comes from inside us. Nobody will make us happy if we are not happy with ourselves. I've had a weekend of looking at myself, and giving myself some stern talking's to....... it seems to have worked.<BR>He has the children tonight at his house, so I could get take-away and hire a movie. What a luxury. What a treat. I got indian food from a friend who is Indian and has his own restaurant. Great. Feel sorry for my crew at 4.30 tomorrow morning!!!!!!!!!!!<P>mitme101 - good to hear from you. Thank you for lurking and responding to me. I've noticed you've been around a little lately, I've been wondering how you are. I'll try and email you this week. I've got Tues. and Thurs. off.<P>WilliamJ - as usual, you are there for me. Thank you. You're right, these down days are to be expected, and I must just go with the flow. I'm stopping at the record store tomorrow to get those cd singles. I want one for me too.......<P>"I get knocked down, but I get up again<BR>You're never gonna keep me down<BR>I get knocked down, but I get up again<BR>You're never gonna keep me down"<P>for you too my friend.<BR>big hugs for you<P>Java - thanks for caring. It means so much to be so down, and have people that are willing to help you up. thank you for being there for me.<BR>

(((((((((((JO))))))))))<P>So sorry it was a bummer evening. You sound like a bonzer gal. I'm truly glad your feeling better. <P>I know how hard it all is now. For me, it was excruciating for a very long time. However, it has gotten easier as time has passed. And that is such a blessing. You'll make it.

Sorry, Jo!!<BR>I hope you are doing better now...we all have our ups and downs, that's for sure!!<P>I am finding out that the ups are slowly beginning to overtake the lows....which is a good thing, otherwise I would have lost what little sanity I have left!!!!<P>Take good care of yourself, I know some have an adversion to meds, but when things were so tough, I really had trouble sleeping, which only made things worse! My Dr. did give me a months supply of sleeping pills...man, it really helped!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

bonnet,<P>saw this card as I didn't have email thought I send you the link. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.comfortqueen.com/cardsend.html?2" TARGET=_blank>http://www.comfortqueen.com/cardsend.html?2</A> <P>we all need a pity party sometime, i like some of the ideas on this one.