Well, been a while since last post and most of you have forgotten me. Still very much on course for divorce but not much progress in sep. papers. The agreements have been verbally made, yet getting them on paper and signed has been a real pain. Since she decided to can the original agreement, get her own lawyer, change custody from joint to primary (her favor), grab her half the 401K, things have been drug out forever. I originally gave her papers on Aug 31'00. To date, she and her lawyer cannot get their version right, up to and including getting my name and residence correct. The longer they take, the more reluctant I get in giving her primary custody. I don't like taking my son to her house (actually her parents') to find her not there at 6:30am.<BR>Hearing her mother say she was drinking and could not drive home really makes me question my agreement with her. To take him home 6 more consecutive times after and have to beat on the front door to wake her mother, not her, to come to the door doesn't help either. She tells me our son is number one in her life, but if getting out of bed or getting home to receive him is too much trouble, then why should she be in charge of his life. Plus, 2 weeks back, she requested I keep him 4 nights a week plus e/o Sat. night so she could "work" more. That figures to over 71% yet she wants full custody, no compromise, and child support figured on 50%. I did not agree. I want my son and would keep him 100% but she won't let go. I have a stable job, 12 years, make over 65g/year, live in the family home, can provide child care and the works. She works part time, lives with parents, has no insurance, except what I still provide, has a terrible work record, says cannot afford childcare, yet demands she has the right to full custody. I struggle with getting a more aggressive law firm, much more expensive as well, and going for broke. Am I making a mountain out of a mole-hill or should I fight. Did not want to have to fight. Can a father win? Any legal advise out there?<BR>LHC2

Yes, a father can gain custody...<BR>...but it is <B>really</B> hard!<P>The only reason I got it...<BR>...is that my W moved out of state to be with the OM... (deep fog)...<BR>...and she knew she couldn't get them to move out of state...<BR>...thank heavens for NJ state law!!!<P>You can get the kids...<BR>...but it will cost you big bucks!<P>When my W was putting up the front that she would fight me on custody....<BR>...I had to hire a much more expensive attorney...<P>...my bills so far are $20,000+...<BR>...even with her now giving up custody...<P>If she would have fought me it could have easily have been $40K or even $60K!<P>Do check out <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/" TARGET=_blank>Fathers Rights To Custody(FRTC)</A> <I>*warning*... it is an anti-marriage site</I>.<P>I spent a good deal of time there researching what needs to be done to gain custody...<BR>...it is not a cakewalk at all.<P>Every honest attorney will give you realistic chances between 5% and 30%... the tops!<P>Much will depend on the age of the children...<P>Be prepared for some extensive psychological evaluations of you and her...<BR>...and unless she's an out-and-out drug dealer... violent alcoholic... well know prostitute working from home... <B>it will be hard</B>!<P>...and even then...<BR>...the courts are jsut more likely to rule in favor of the mother...<BR>...<B>it's just the way it is</B>.<P>Get yourself a tape recorder...<BR>...and record <B>all</B> conversations you have with her and with her mother.<P>You have my prayers...<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>