Okay, I've been giving stbx all the space he had wanted. Haven't been calling and only e-mailing him in dire need and with a very detached tone.<BR> Yesterday I had a friend call his voice mail and leave a message telling him to please respond to his e-mail. He can see what number called in last and within one second(not an exaggeration) of her hanging up the phone he calls back. Asks three or four times if it's all right for him to call back later that night. Gets a very cold "do whatever you want to do" from my friend(I refuse to talk to him) My friend goes out and I put the answering machine on lest he call. He does, five times. He doesn't get anyone. <BR> This morning I check my e-mail and there's not one, not two, but six messages. All of them ending with sweetness and light. <BR> What the hell does this man want or expect from me? I left like he wanted, moved my things out, like he wanted, don't call, like he wanted. Now he seems like he's in a panic to maintain contact. <BR> I don't get it. He wanted the divorce. He told me to leave. He had the affair and wanted OW so badly he threw it all away. Am I supposed to just call him up and tell him how much I miss him and love him now? I'm not sure that I can do that anymore. Maybe a couple of weeks ago, yes. But my feelings are changing rapidly. This is so frustrating, I'm not even going to answer this latest barrage of attention seeking.

I think this sounds good but I am no expert in Plan B. You really need to think about what you want and what your purpose of doing all this was for. To get him back. <P>Maybe more experienced persons can give bette advice. I would like to be in your position.<P>Hopelessmom

I've been divorced for over 2 years. X has remarried. And he still treats me weirdly. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I don't know it they ever figure out what they want. Except mine would like for me to get out of his life. But, if I do that, his children are going with me. I think some WSs are just sick puppies who don't own mirrors and, therefore, they can't see themselves as they really are. Mine is a puzzle to me.

Plan B means no contact until he is ready to take action on repairing your marriage.<P>I think you shouldn't respond.

As long as they are in the fog. NO. <P>L.

I too, wish I was in your position. I agree with hopelessmom, in doing what you want.<P>It looks like you shouldn't respond.<P>Please keep us posted!<BR>Petrie

Plan B, means no contact UNTIL he wants to comply with your needs on how to come back to the negotiation table of POJA. He must mumble certain words before you consider sitting down with a harley counselor.<P>have you told him this in writing? has he mumbled the correct words?

Nope. All along he has maintained that all he wants is a divorce. No move to get papers or a legal seperation but he wants a divorce, period. Actions speak louder than words and I have a feeling he may be changing his mind soon(my other post explains) I myself have not said anything to sway him, I backed off, took all the pressure off of him and am sitting back watching the incoming storm.<BR>At this point I'm not one hundred percent sure I want him back, not after the way he's acted through it all. I have seen no remorse or move towards reconcilliation. It's all on his shoulders, after all he wanted it that way.

The only point i am trying to make, is to make sure that he KNOWS that the door is still open with you IF he wants to do what you require to reconcile.<P>And he can't hear words, didn't you know that fog deafens one as well as blinds one? <P>now, since you really hold all the cards, then you can make the conditions very favorable so that if he decides to come back, and agrees with your conditions, that he is real serious, and has made a difficult decision.<P>good luck

I understand and he knows the door is open(only very little though) and I wouldn't turn him away but I won't make conditions overly favorable either. I've bent over backwards since this whole thing started and put my dignity through the wringer to appease him. I've come to find that my stbx does not respond to sweetness from me but rather becomes interested as soon as I lay down the law and stop playing "nice girl". I'm tired of these games of his and so am just moving ahead with my life. I'm starting to enjoy my freedom and frankly have no interest in moving back to my old state. He wants to see me he can come here.<BR>I gave up Plan Bing and Aing a while ago, it got me nowhere. As soon as I went full tilt divorce mode though he's suddenly feeling lonely and wants to get close again(by proxy through my friends) He's like a five year old and I'm tired of playing indulgent mommy, he needs to grow up already.