Well , the wonderful man I marreid almost 14 years ago, not only left, lives with another woman, brings my kids for weekends at her house, he now is stopping paying bills for his children's home, gives me no $ for anything. Tells me I am the vindictive, greedy one. Go figure.<P>I am DONE. I don't love this man anymore, not the man he is right now. he is mean, and horrible.<P>I have to stop enabling him to walk all over me and let him go and fight him to get what is legally his obligation. His family has abandoned me also. I am so disgusted I want to spit. Now I have to get strong and do something I don't want to but no one else will do it for me.<P>This sucks.<P>Hopelessmom

Dear Hopelessmom:<P>I don't often respond to your posts, but I have been reading and following.<P>On the surface of your posts is a great deal of anger. But under than anger, I'm seeing sooooo much fear. <P>(((hugs))) *You* will be ok. Take a step back from your fear and talk back to it. You are still a desirable woman, regardless of what your H thinks. You are still worthwhile. You will not finish out your life alone, rejected and unwanted. You are loved and respected by many other people I am sure...do you truly need HIS respect to be a whole person? Logically, (emotionally is a whole different story) do you really care what someone like that thinks about YOU? <P>I know that you are reading this, and certainly don't believe me (at least not in your heart) because I have been in the same place you are. I still have backsliding days when I sink back into a very deep morass of hurt, anger, and fear.<P>Your children will be ok too. They have YOU. What about all those children who don't have either parent? At least yours have one parent who loves them selflessly.<P>Now, get back on the phone to your lawyer. Get your legal protection in place. Do NOT listen to even one more word from your H about greed or vindictiveness.<P>Get a motion filed in family court to have your H ordered to pay support. Do not waste one more moment here until you have taken care of your children's safety and protection.<P>(((hugs))) Let your lawyer do the dirty work. Consider a plan B for your own sanity, and love your children. They need your love even more than you need your H's love.<P>--BR

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hopelessmom}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>all may be hopeless for your marriage, but not all is hopeless for the rest of your life. this 14 year itch is quite something, they must have passed on the 7 and went for the double or nothin' (I'm right there with you!)<P>may i suggest that you either proceed with the divorce, or if you don't have a shark lawyer, get one by going to a divorce recovery group, introducing yourself, and asking for the best recommendation for a shark that the group can muster!<P>start now, you need protection, and you need fairness, that only a settlement can provide. <P>do not pass go, go directly to JA... lawyers office.<P>if you are out of love bank deposits, if your account is overdrawn, if you have nothing left to give, then get going with the rebuilding of your life, and that requires getting out of <B> LIMBO LAND! </B><P>it is much better out of LIMBO LAND than in it. at least you know where you stand, and what bills are yours, and what are not. and what you have to do to survive and live.<P>good luck, we are here for you, even though ocassionally it doesn't read quite correctly that way.<BR>

If there's a good side to this, it's that you no longer have to wonder and worry about what the "right thing" to do might be. Your hand has been forced. You <I>need</I> to get those legal protections in place.<BR>

Bramble: thanks for your reply. Maybe you are right. Maybe I am fearful all those things but can't admit it to myself. My whole life is going to change and I can only control what I can, NOT what I can't . Esp. not H.<P>I have appt. with atty again on wed to proceed. I don't think a plan b letter is even worth my pencil led at this point. He chose his path. NOw I get to sort of choose mine.<P>Hopelessmom