Well, after 6 months of having to see this brigand every two (2) weeks when I return my precious 5 y.o. daughter to the midway of the 125 miles that lies between us, I finally had to say something. My D gets hysterical when I drop her off Sunday night. This slug just stands there with his greased back black rattail hairdo and his tatooed shoulder (mind you, we were the epitome of yuppyism) as if wanting to say, DUH?<P>While my D was screaming for me in her mother's arms, I said, "How does that make you feel to see her like this?" His response was, "it's awful, really awful." I then said, "do you think a choice you made in your life has anything to do with it?" He got visibly shaken, and then looked like he was wanting to hit me. I just got glasses 3 days ago and wore them (never hit a person with glasses, right?)<P>At this point, I know my W is not coming back, but the thought of my D living with this slimeball beginning tomorrow just frosts my culliones (italian for gonads). I felt like saying this might give W and OM a little food for thought and maybe make their lives a little miserable for a minute or two. Revenge? Maybe. God knows I had my own angst.<P>What kind of things have you said to OP and what was your motivation? <p>[This message has been edited by catamount82 (edited April 30, 2001).]

I have not spoken to the OW (plural) at any time. My issues are not with them, but with my ex-H. He is in an abusive relationship now, but nothing has happened yet that is actionable. But I told him (and he knows from experience that I mean it) that if ANYTHING untoward (oops my vocabulary is showing -- excuse me! hehehe) happens that I will have the kids away from him as quick as a wink. I don't want that to happen -- the kids need their dad as much as they need me. And they know him and love him despite his faults -- even as they love me! <P>So back to your ???? I don't speak to the women. I think that would foster competition. It is not about that. My relationship with my x fell apart -- we were both at fault to some degree. The cheating was a symptom of the problem(s). But I would not hesitate to get my child out of an unhealthy situation if I had any power to do it. Now, not just a different situation!!! I may not like a certain person my x is with, but that does not mean that they are bad for my kids. <P>It is tough, but mostly, I don't speak to them. In fact, one of them I routinely hung up on, and she loved to call and give me graphic details about how bad I was in many ways and how she was better. She called with threats to take away my kids, etc. etc., but I just hung up and did not give her the time of day. It infuriated her, but eventually she quit because it was fruitless. Then she focused her angst (oops, there I go again! hehe) on him. And that was LoveBusters big time and eventually broke them up. I wish that had meant that things went better for us, but our poor relating was set by then, and we could not make a go of it with her out of the picture. Someone else just came into view, and we started the cycle all over again. <P>My motivation was to keep the problem with those who could solve it. The problem was not really with 'her' (whoever she was at the time) but with US. So taking things out on her or talking to her would really not solve anything.<P>Nuf said a long time ago - eh, catamount? There are my 2 -4- 6- 8 cents.... at least.

To the OM, at some point, I'm tempted to say, "Good luck, you'll need it!" But then he might be too slow to figure it out. It will be his first marriage, so he's nieve and inexperienced, so it will take some time, but he'll find out at some point.<P>

A subject near and dear to my heart.<P>I have had several conversations with f**kbuddy.<P>When I call to speak with my children or the stbx, I do not say hello or any other salutation to him, just request who I would like to speak with.<P>He always takes offense to this, and usually would not let me speak to the person until "you talk nice to me." So I asked him one time what he wants from me. His answer: respect.<P>Well this, of course, put my shorts into a major knot. I told him that to get respect, one needs to give respect. Then I asked him if he had shown me any respect while he was sneaking around with my wife. Or, more importantly, did he show any respect for my children when he was taking their mother away from them. He had no answer to either of these questions. Just kinda looked like a kid called to the principal's office.<P>He wants me to give him respect? That will be the day.

I haven't spoken to the OW, but my H has! Get this! When he "broke up" with her in favor of our marriage, she was MAD AT HIM AFTER ALL SHE HAD DONE FOR HIM! She couldn't understand why he would choose his wife and family after ALL THEY HAD BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER. <P>(head spinning around, vomiting pea soup)<P><BR>Can you believe that? Well, I have never, ever dignified their "relationship" with a word to her, and I never will. As far as I'm concerned, she is not worthy to speak to me.<P>(nose high up in the air now)<P>When she used to email, I just deleted them without even opening them (okay, occasionally I use look a little). When she would leave a message, I would just delete that too. It didn't take her too long to give up, and now she will not speak to him because "he dumped her." HAHA! What a laugh! SHE is mad at HIM! So, I suspect that he wishes he could contact her "secretly" but can't, because she won't return his calls or emails or whatever. <P>I think I'm going to be sick. Please pass the carsick bag.<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

One time last Easter, my middle daughter needed stitches. When OW sees my number come up on caller id , she always jumps on the phone. At the time, we were still married. Grrr.<P>Anyhow, I was hysterical. My H needed to be at the ER in minutes to make a joint decision to put our daughter on anesthesia because it was so severe, and this was a big deal to us both. She had the nerve to tell me she loved my daughters and my H and wouldn't do anything to hurt them.<P>I was so hurt and confused back then, but a month later it hit me how cruel that was. <P>She is a very nasty person who uses my kids to get to my H. But the kids like her so I bite my tongue every time.<P>I know about the "culliones", I'm italian too! But please be cautious , no matter how much you want to say, remember this person who now is going to live with her, has the power to really influence your child. I know that she knows who her daddy is, but even indirectly he can do or say things that could cause her years of turmoil. I hate the fact that the OP has so much control over us. <P>I think what you said is ok, but I'd just be careful in the future for her sake. Is there an option of taking full custody of her? It sounds like her mom has taken a bad step downward (no offense, I love tattoos~!) but what about the child who suffers the most. Can you fight for her to keep her from him or a mom in the fog?<P>Good luck, Dana<BR>

Not one word.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Long time ago. OM#1 only called once when I was there, he wasn't expecting me to answer the phone. He just wanted to speak to her.<P>I gave him an evasive answer. I told him to go himself.<P>Have't heard much from him since. <P>Bumper

Speak to OW? Heck I don't even acknowledge that she breathes the same oxygen as I do.<P>Lisa (aka Soon2b)<P>

Speak to the OW??!?!?! Impossible. Mrs. Psyco Babble left 23 voicemail messages in 3 days and 2 e-mails. No way to get a word in edgewise. This woman is a non-stop sales talker. <P>Even if I did get a word in, I don't think her ears are connected to her brain. She has selective memory and only hears what she wants. The rest that is missing, she fills in the blanks...<P>She told H that he owed her money because it was her idea that he take on a 2nd job. Now she is mad that he came back to his family and he is giving his wife (me) his paycheck to pay for his bills. Then she had to nerve to say that H & OW were family, not my son & I. Oh, there was more but it was mushy love stuff. Too gross to go into on this family channel.<P>Mrs. Psyco BAbble is not worth my time of day.<BR>L.

Deleted due to duplicated in error. <P>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited May 01, 2001).]