Hi HopeAZ,<P>We haven't chatted in a while, how are you doing? <P>L.

Well three days after saying that he wanted to buy a house he turned around and rented an apartment instead. Don't know if loan officer said you can't or if he came to his senses all by himself. He also told me that he was talking to someone here about a job here in town. He also looked through Sunday paper for jobs. He then went on to say we should probably get seperate bank accounts and that made me cry so he held me and held me. He kept telling me how good I looked and felt and kept kissing me and saying he couldn't stop. <P>What does all this mean. Probably nothing as he doesn't want this marriage to work out. He wants to believe that what we had was not enough for him because he wants to try life with someone else thinking that the romance with her will never die. He just can't give up that dream. Working things out with me would mean self reflection which would mean taking on blame for past actions and admitting that they were wrong. This way he can justify away all his actions. <P>All in all a pretty sad situation. This D is going to cause nothing but a lot of pain for all involved. <P>This past week I have reflected a lot on how I've allowed him to devastate me so much with all this. I am going to start moving on, I have to. I have come up with a couple of ideas career wise and am actually kind of excited about them. One will actually allow me to have my own business and work from my home. A bit risky but something I enjoy doing a great deal.<P>STBX is not home this weekend and it feels great. I always get so worked up at the thought of seeing him. Now that he has his own place here we can get an actual visitation schedule worked out. Think all that will help me deal with things a lot better. <P>I still cringe when I think of thier little love get away coming up. I know he mentally is thinking that this will be thier test. How well they get along for these two weeks will determine thier future. How nice for them, but based on a whole lot of fantasy. Well, all out of my hands. Wish that thought helped me sleep better. <P>I know this has gotten pretty long. Thanks for asking Orchid. I have been looking in GCII for your posts. Hope everything continues to go well for you.<P>Take Care.<P>

Hi HopeAZ,<P>Wow another late night owl!! Even on this side of the country those are late hours. <P>Glad to hear from you. Actually your posts shows progress. The fact that he could hold you and kiss you shows he still has feelings for you. Remember small baby steps towards progress, beats the big steps that make them unsteady and fall backwards.<P>Checking on the house thing may have been a wake up call. Money really talks. That is what I am finding out. The status of money is a definite motivator since it never stands still. Either you have it or you don't. No 'I don't know' middle ground of confusion. In my case, I am actually glad H was broke, it helped him realize he could not be as brazen as he wanted to be. He even promised me a million dollars. But since he did n't have it, then reality said, he couldn't give it to me. <P>About that trip. Pray for bad weather? No. H took OW to Yosemite. Not sure if you remember my posts. I was really hurt about it but lo' and behold he had a bit of a miserable time anyways. The weather was nice but his memories made him remember his family and friends. We spent some good times up there and when he kept thinking about us and then saw he was with OW, well he cried a bit. <P>Good!!!!!<P>So, don't anticipate too much good will come out of that trip. It may or may not. Hm.... well on this end we can hope not.... See in their minds all these great things are going to happen (fantasy land), but when the actual 'fantasy' starts to play, well it is like expecting to go to Disneyland and find out you're being taken to the run down dime a ride circus or fair with the squeaky rollercoaster..... So much for the fun fantasy. Better yet, remember Pinocchio? Just like that..... Remember what those boys turned into? Hm..... <P>We are doing ok. Taking a day at a time. Haven't made 1 full week yet, but so far so good. He is even looking at some MB posts. pssst - he just read yours..... H is a good writer..... maybe.... just wishing out loud, don't want to expect tooo much yet. His posts (if he does) could be interesting. You might see another description of me. Oh.... not sure if I want that. Only joking. <P>Glad you have work at home options. Hard work but good for mom and the little ones. How are they? You are sounding stronger. I have seen your encouraging posts to others. I am so proud of the progress you have made. <P>Take care and we will chat again. <P>L.<BR>ps: Did I see you post that someone here is a DJ? Not sure if I am out of line in asking. We sure have a diversified group here. Well, this stuff hits everyone.... <P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Hi HopeAZ,<P>ps: Did I see you post that someone here is a DJ? Not sure if I am out of line in asking. We sure have a diversified group here. Well, this stuff hits everyone.... <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Pardon me for nosing in on your thread, but that would be me!<P>Radio people usually have marital problems more often than not. Strange hours, unstable jobs, and wildly fluctuating finances, among other things, can put lots of pressure on a marriage!<P>cj<BR>