Everybody wish me luck. I have temporary orders hearing today to find out if I get to temporarily keep the shirt on my back.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

Adding you to my prayer list along with Jim!<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Bill<P>Prayers from me too!<BR>Share the graces!<P> <P>Jim

Special prayers from me too.

Will be thinking of you today.<BR>Let us know what happens.<BR>Hoping for the best.

Lost my shirt but I get to keep my shorts. Just Kidding. Everything went as I expected. I am having to pay a little more than I would like. Afterall I do have the children 43% of the time. But this was only the temporary hearing and hopefully with some luck the payments will be reduced in the final decision.<P>She quit earing income when she moved out and wasn't planning on going back to work at all. A small victory, the temporary orders state that she must seek and maintain full time employment.<P>Sorry if this offends any of you SAHM but she wanted the divorce. Now she has to work. I was going to fully support my wife to go to college for the next four years but I'll be damned if I'll support my x-wife to go to college.<P>Anyway some things good and some things bad today. My spirits are high.<P>Thanks for the thoughts.<P>Love Bill

Bill: I know you probably don't want to reveal all details but I am interested for my own purposeswhat the court procedure was like, what yiou /her were asking for in general terms. I will be going to court sometime in the nest few weeks.<P>While I agree that if she was working up until she moved out she should have to go back, however, I feel that if she hasn't been working and staying home and raising preschoolers then I think she should be allowed to stay home.<P>Alls my H wants me to do is to go to work. I have been SAHM for 5 years. I have 3,4,5 (2 Bdays this week so they just turned 3,4) He wants me to work when it is convenient for HIM. so he can take care of kids at girl friends and won't have to pay day care. <P>The other day he basically broke into the house and took all the stuff he wanted out of the garage. He brought 2 guys with him. 3 against 1. <P>He even took the lawn mower! After this move, I am looking at him in a new light. A light that I don'[t like and have no respect for at all. what he is NOW is disgusting, horrible, boy(was going to write man but changed my mind)<P>Friends tell me to get another lawyer. The one I have is not aggressive enough now. He has been gone 6 weeks and still no money for food, etc. Had to borrow money from mom and that will probably work against me some how.<P>Sometimes I feel so alone, without anyone to tell me what to do. No immmediate family. His family has deserted me. It is a horrible feeling. Not only have I lost my H, but friends, his family, etc. Divorce has far reaching effects. So sad and for what........I'm not happy!<P><BR>hopelessmom

Well, Bill, it sounds like you came out better than I did. The magistrate that awarded temporary support to <I>my</I> wife didn't require her to work full time. (She had not been working full time prior to moving out.) And we don't even have kids, so my wife has no responsibilities preventing her from working!<P>In my state, the courts are supposed to grant a hearing within 28 days if the support is contested. Assuming my hearing doesn't get rescheduled again, those 28 days will have stretched into six months for me, and meanwhile my wages are still being garnished. I hope your court system works better than mine.<P>hopelessmom, if you don't have clear documentation of the terms under which you borrowed money from your mother, I hope you'll <I>get</I> the loan(s) documented. This is <I>debt</I> you have incurred, and that debt is considered marital property. Until the judge makes a ruling, your husband is as liable for that debt as you are.<BR>

hopelessmom<P>First off she has been earning income for 98% of the time oer the last 6 years and 70% of the time over our 12 year marriage. All children are all school age.<P>She filed and asked for 1,055 child support and 650 spousal support. She listed all of the property she wanted. I filed an answer with a counter offer of child support and said that we needed to work out propery.<P>Before court we were able to agree on all the property and our temporary custody (I have the girls 3 days/nights a week and she has them 4 days/nights a week.<P>We showed up for court and our lawyers went into the judges chambers. They told the judge what we agreed on and the judge pretty much made up his mind right there what he was going to do. The lawyers took Lisa and I into seperate rooms and we worked out some final details (what time to pick up kids). I am being ordered to "temporarily" pay 1,055/mo in child support and she is to get a job. With our parenting plan this really should be around 600/mo. I do appreciate/understand the courts position and it will take some time for her to get a job and start getting paid.<P>Next we will have to go to mediation to finalize our parenting plan. I believe that our divorce will be final on July 10th.<P>Yes it is terribly sad. I still want nothing more than for her to come out of the fog and for us to get back together. I have to do what's right for the kids and myself.<P>My life's an open book if you have any more question.<P>Love Bill

thanks for the info.<P>the reason i ask all this is because my H wants to give me NOTHING. No bill paying, no $ for food, gas, etc. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THIS. The affair is one thing BUT TREATING ME AND ULTIMATELY THE KIDS LIKE DIRT IS BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION.<P>Some people told me to go to social services to see if i can get food stamps or someother help. I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM HEARING/WRITING/SAYING THIS. ME! Food stamps! Oh my God. And I am the "bad" guy. <P>It is so difficult when people all around you, H and his family and his new family and friends, think I am a bit** for not mediating and "taking him to the cleaners" EXCUSE ME! He walked out, moved in with ow and her whole family, doesn't pay for anything but mortgage, takes his name off our car insurance which he doesn't even pay, threatens to cut off gas and elec and phone. "breaks" into house and brings friends and tears garage apart.<P>What kind of world is this? <P>hopelessmom

hopelessmom<P>As everyone says you have to take care of yourself and your kids. If that means everyone thinks your a bit^@, then so be it. If you temporarily need assistance (i.e. food stamps) then just do it. I know it's hard to swallow your pride but it may be what's best for the kids.<P>I really hope that you take him to the cleaners. These people that destroy families and cause so much pain shouldn't be able to just do as they please.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

Bill: What about custody? When she first moved out or you did, did you both agree to custody and how it would work or did you fight about it. did you have a temporary custody agreement in writing before any final stuff?<P>We have no written anything and I am feeling scared. I don't feel that my lawyer is helping me the way I need help or maybe I am just asking for too much in support. I don't know.. A friend gave me another name of a more aggressive attorney. I will probably call and talk to him.<P>This is all just a bad dream....OOPS, it's reality.<P>hoplessmoom

hoplessmoom<P>We had agreed (in writing) on 50/50 joint physical custody and we were going to go through mediation in lieu of lawyers. Well she filed, moved out, and all of our agreements went out the window. I'm sure that it has to do with the money. Under a 50/50 agreement she would of only received approx $300-$400/month. She did not want to work.<P>My atty advised me to try to get a temporary parenting plan worked out with her before court because the judge may not be so kind. Thank goodness we were able to work out a plan. So now we have temporary orders that spell out our parenting plan.<P>So next we will be required to go through mediation to work out our final parenting plan. We'll have to work through visitation, school issues, holidays, and then present it to the judge. Of course I'll be asking for "Joint Physical" custody and she'll be asking for "Primary Physical Custodian" status. We will be ordered "Joint Legal Custody".<P>I am really close to my children. I am the emotional one in the family. I am the one that comforts. I guess what I'm saying is that I am more of a "traditional" mother figure in the house. I was the glue that held the family together. I really need a lot of time with my children and they really need a lot of time with me. I still would like to work out a 50/50 arrangement but for now I'll settle for our 43/57 arrangement.<P>I hope that this help and yes I know that it seems like a bad dream. Until I got my wife to agree to our temporary plan I was on pins and needles. I am not a weekend father and was scared to death of being ordered to be one.<P>Bottom line is we have to look out for what's best for the children because obviously they are not. I don't believe that my wife was or is. When we talk of these issues I have to remind her of that often. It's not what's best for her it's for the children.<P>If I can be of any help please feel free to post something or e-mail me. I'm only at my computer from 8-5 cst but I'll do anything I can to assist you. I really wish that I had gotten more advice before I began this journey.<P>Your in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Bill<P><BR>bill@salinaplaningmill.com<BR><P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

(((((BILL))))<P>Been off the boards a few days, sorry I missed your post . I hope this finds you doing better than when you posted and just wanted to let you know prayers are with you, Dana

Thanks DanaB,<P>Yes today finds me well. I have the girls for 4 days in a row and I couldn't be happier. The down times are getting over a lot quicker but there still are a lot of them. This is without a doubt the hardest struggler of my life and for no good reason. She just needs to find herself, she's not happy, she's not "in-love". I'm sorry but that's BS.<P>Interesting thing is I've always said I would take her back in a minute. I don't know anymore. Sure I want my family back together but you sure do see the ugly side of a person when you go through this. All the lies, hiding things, personality flaws you've never noticed, and cruel words. <P>Not to mention that I have realized that during our marriage almost none of my emotional needs have ever been met. I atleast attempted to meet hers.<P>Just lost in a state of confustion.<P>Thanks for the prayers.<P>Love, Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-