MY SON<P>Four work buddies are out playing a round of golf.<BR>On the 11th hole, one guy says, "Guys play on, I've got to go to the bathroom."<P>So the others play on without him and they get to talking about their sons.<P>The first guy says, "I am really proud of my son. He is doing so well, he bought his friend a new car."<P>The second man boasts, "My son is doing so well that he just bought his friend a 24' boat."<P>The third guy says "Well, my son is so well off that he just bought his friend a new house with a pool."<P>Finally, the buddy that went to the bathroom gets back and asks, "What were you guys talking about?"<P>They all reply that they were talking about their sons. The man looks at the ground and shakes his head.<P>The others ask what's wrong. He replies "Well my son is gay. I'm not thrilled with it, but he is doing well. His last three boyfriends bought him a car, a boat and a house."<BR>

HA HA HA!!!<P>It is always good to start the day with a laugh.<P>Thanks!

<evil laugh><P>Wicked, wicked...

AMISH GIRL<P>An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old pen buggy one cold, blistering January day.<BR>The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold."<P>The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up."<P>So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend.<P>The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up."<P>The next day, the boyfriend was driving in the buggy with the daughter again.<P>He said, "My nose is freezing cold."<P>The daughter replied, "Put it between my legs. It will warm up."<P>He did, and his nose warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend was yet again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."<P>The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"<P>The slightly concerned mother says, "Sure, why do you ask?"<P>The daughter says, "Well, they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!!!!"<P>Oh, that's bad

Bad Lost Husband......

I'm sorry I'll stand in the corner for 30 minutes (a minute for each year right).<P>

Bad, very bad<BR> <BR>

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. <P>The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two. <P>The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.<P>The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.<P>The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:<P>“DEAR FRIENDS,<BR>WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS <BR>BEING SAWED.<BR>THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT BY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL THE GUY WHO PUT NOVACAINE IN THE VASELINE!”

THE ALTERNATIVE TO DIVORCE<P>A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce."<BR>The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph.<P>She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."<P>Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.<P>She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up and he is now doing 70 mph.<P>She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster and faster until he reaches 80 mph.<P>She says, "I want the car, the checking account and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass pillar, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"<P>The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."<P>She asks, "What's that?"<P>The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!" <P>

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. ''They'll never catch me,'' he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. ''What in hell am I doing?'' he thought and pulled over. <BR>The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. ''I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!'' he said. <P>''Last week my wife ran off with a cop,'' the man said, ''and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!'' <P>''Have a nice night,'' said the officer.

Three nuns were talking. <P>The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"<P>"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.<P>"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."<P>The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."<P>"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.<P>"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.<P>The third nun said, "Oh crap."<BR>

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting paint on their clothes so they decided to remove them, but agreed not to let ANYONE in until they were done and replaced their clothing. Then they heard some one knocking and one of them yelled, "Whooo is it?" <BR>''The blind man!'' He yelled back.<BR>They decided since he was blind it would be all right. <BR>They opened the door and the man said, ''Nice boobs! Where do you want the blinds?"

LH,<P>You are very baddddddd....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha <P><BR>Lisa<P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.

Lisa am I in trouble again. Well I guess I'll go back to my corner for another 30 minutes. Only problem is I get off from work in 25 minutes. Oh well, guess I'll be on overtime.<P>Bill

Can't resist tasteless hump-day humor.<P>THE PIG<P>A guy walks into a bar with his pig. He and the pig sit at the bar and the guy buys two beers. The guy drinks one beer and the pig drinks the other. The guy keeps on buying two beers...two beers...two beers all night long, and the guy drinks one beer and the pig drinks the other beer. <P>Finally, near closing time, the guy buys two beers and sets one in front of his pig. The pig takes a sip, falls off the barstool, and lays passed out on the floor. The guy stands up and starts walking towards the front door like he's going to leave. The bartender says, "Hey mister. Are you just gonna leave that lyin' there."<P>And in a slurry voice, the guy said, "Mister that ain't no lion. That's a PIG!" <P>Hey, it's tasteless, right?<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Q. How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?<P><BR>A. Why bother!