Legally separated as of Friday. W birthday is this Sunday. Do I acknowledge? If so, what's appropriate?<P>Thanks,<P>dd

DD,<P>Good will is always appropriate. I make it a practice to send Mother's Day and B'day cards, but I'm careful about what I sent, wouldn't want it to be recieved as sarcastic or ironic. Never anything too mushy or romantic, just expressing wishes for a happy birthday. I guess the point is check yourself out first, make sure you are sincere. After that, the ball is in her court.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

DD,<P>My ex moved out 1 month before her birthday. I ended up sending her a birthday email, but that was all. My birthday came after the D was final and I received an actual card from her.<P>I agree with Bumper, "Good will is always appropriate."<P><P>------------------<BR><I>We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.</I><P>~Joseph Campbell

This year was my first birthday separated from my ex. He called me on by birthday to say that he did not want to work on the marriage, although we had been counseling toward that end.<P>When his birthday came, I had the kids call him, but he was at his girlfriends. He did not exercise his visitation. He regretted it because he ended up baby sitting gfs kids. It was not a happy birthday for him.<P>When the kids saw him for the next weekend, I had them take him some homemade gifts (bought the materials at the dollar store) and I gave him a pastry blender. (He had let me have his when he could have been selfish about it.) The kids wanted a cake for Daddy, so I made a piggy cake (inside joke between the kids and their dad). They all made computer generated cards for him and colored them themselves (we were out of color ink) He cried because of all the attention. Esp he had expected a 'payback' for my birthday. He had not even helped the kids do anything for me. I had to set it up myself.<P>Mother's Day came and went with narry a word from him, but the kids did their thing. And again, without spending a lot of money, I am going to have THE KIDS do stuff for Father's Day. They are young enough ( 10 - 2) so that is noticeably with help from me. I don't have to get personal about it.

For my birthday last yr we were seperated...he gave me a simple card..for his b-day this yr we were still separated..and we all went out to dinner..the kids made him cards..and colored them..but we've never been really big on b-days' for each other..usually just the family dinner...<BR>or nothing at all..usually it was nothing but a phone call..because he was usually gone..

My h had his bday on Easter sunday, and it was his 40th. I had been planning a big bash for about 5 years for this. It was hard to let the dream go! I ended up getting him a book that had his Grandfather in it, and gave it to him when he brought the kids back from his weekend. He sulked away and went out to dinner alone. Then he called his mom and that was the end of him. His first night of real pain, real lonliness(he moved in with his cousin so he is not alone.)<P>But all of this still did not budge him one step toward our marriage, or even communication. No epiphany, not even on easter. 10 days later we had a conversation( which I initiated) and asked about if there were any changes, and he talked about-briefly-what he wanted, and what she wanted, and I was just not in the equation still. It was then that I knew it was useless to linger. I wanted to move on to find someone who really deserved me! I am worth it, he is not.

All-<P>Thank for the responses...I sent a card just to be safe and I will wish her a happy Bday the day before.<P>dd