not going to focus on it<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 07, 2001).]

PS. I had not made any changes at that time. We were fighting real bad back then. There have been lots of changes on my part since. I have diffused our fights & not fought back. He has gotten more quiet too.

CLG,<P>I ask you this, what good would it do to bring it up?<P>What's done is done. So they talked for three hours on the phone. <P>Your H will only get defensive, get angry at you and make you feel terrible. <P>Let sleeping dogs lie. <P>That's what I would do.

CLG,<P>I ask you this.....<B>CAN</B> you just let this one go? If you are ever to say anything about it, you need to do it now since you just found out. If you hold back for a few days, weeks, months letting it fester, then you bring it up, things can be worse.<P>I always have felt that honesty is the best policy and if you are wanting things to work out, it can't be based on lies.<P>Personally, I would need to bring it up for my peace of mind, but don't ask any questions where you are not prepared to hear the answers.<P>Good Luck....<P><P>------------------<BR><I>We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.</I><P>~Joseph Campbell

Hopeless:<BR>Thanks. You're right. Its what I want to do, but I let myself get upset. That little devil is on my shoulder again.!<P>Jayhawk:<BR>You're also right, but I am afraid. I have no family. My husband is my only family. I feel like I have everything to lose & nothing to gain.<P>Anyhow, I'm getting it left & right! I'm having horrible circumstances & being singled out at work. I hate my life! I tried getting another job in this agency (been here 5 yrs - accumulated benefits) but no luck! I have absolutely nothing to ever look forward to. Life is in the toilet. If my marriage was reconsiled I could bear it, but not both things at the same time - AAARRGH!!<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 07, 2001).]

Why not just tell him you saw the bill, do not intend to pursue it, are happy with the efforts you are both making, and just telling him because rule of honesty says to let spouse know your feelings. That it distresses you, but that you do not need him to do anything (like explain it for example). Tell him that if sometime he would like to explain you would listen respectfully, make no comment, and appreciate the sharing. This way you get to take care of your emotions some, he has a chance to protect you if he wants, but no one is starting a fight. If he accuses you of snooping, don't lie, say yes you were taking care of bill, but were still insecure and could not help but look, hope he can understand.<p>[This message has been edited by sad_n_lonely (edited June 06, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cantletgo:<BR><B>I have absolutely nothing to ever look forward to. Life is in the toilet. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>CLG,<P>I just found out yesterday that a friend of mine who I used to work with is dying. He is suffering from both kidney and liver failure. The doctor's can't do anything more for him and he has basically been sent home to die. Hospice has been called in to help, but they can only make his last days in this world a bit more peaceful.<P>I know things seems tough for you right now, but as long as you've got your health, you will get through this. My friend had his whole life ahead of him and now that's about gone. The only thing he can look forward to is to go in peace.<P>No matter what pain we are all going through, it could always be worse. You have plenty of support out here on this site. Albeit words on computer screen, the people behind the words do care and are here to help or to listen.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited June 06, 2001).]

I agree about the honesty.......but the fact that H knows she paid bill and saw call he should know that she knows.<P>CLG has been on some shaky ground regarding anger managment issues of H's and bringing this up may only serve to reignite the flame that seems to have tempered itself.<P>At this point the fact that she lets it go may be better for them. But CLG do not ever go back to this and throw it into his face in a future argument. If you don't address it now it must remain "in the past".

trying to forget this one.<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 07, 2001).]