Following the great example of Nyneve on the Emotional Needs forum, I think it would be a good idea to do a roll call and introduce ourselves to each other. Here are the questions:<P>What is your gender?<P>How old are you?<P>How long were you married?<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P><BR>After a little while, I will jump in with my answers, okay?<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Okay, here we go...in order:<P>Male.<P>35.<P>Married 3 years, 6 months.<P>BS.<P>Just one OM was all it took!<P>One child, her D from a previous relationship. 12 years old.<P>I used to post in GQ, but I only post here now, since the divorce became final.<P>What did I learn about myself? I could make a list! I learned I have a lot more emotional strength than I thought I had. I believed that divorce would destroy me, but it has made me stronger as a person.<P>I learned that marriage is a journey, not an end in itself.<P>I was divorced on 2/15/01.<P>One word of advice: Honesty.<P>

<B><BR>What is your gender?<BR></B><BR>peri-menopausal female - and I'm surly today, so back off! <P><B>How old are you?<BR></B><P>I said peri-menopausal, didn't I? I'm somewhere between 35 and dead.<P>Actually, I'm 42<P><B>How long were you married?<BR></B><P>20 years<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR></B><P>Both (former)<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR></B><P>Yes, in my previous marriage -- my ex-H had at least five affairs that I know of... a few daliances too (pool lady, PTA lady, see the cute names I give them?).<P>I had an affair in year 18, right before my 19th anniversary, one hop in the sack (1999)<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR></B><P>Three children, 2 daughters 20 and 19, one son, 16 1/2<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? </B><P>Okay, I post all over the place, but mostly here.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? </B><P>Off the top of my head today (and it changes daily I've noticed) I have learned to respect EVERYONE'S situation and offer compassion, not judgement. That's not to say I don't judge some situations and say how I feel, but I always try to say what I need to say bathed in compassion.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? </B><P>Re: my ex-marriage, that my ex-H was a lot like many other H's. In my up-coming marriage, that love comes easy, but a good marriage needs work right from the beginning, and continuing until the end (hopefully a natural death, like, um, death -- no infidelity).<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B><P>I am divorced from my first H and engaged to be married to my second (and LAST) Husband.<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? </B><P>TIME -- that word we all hate. <P>By the by CJ, thanks for the compliment!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 07, 2001).]

Here are my answers! <P>Female<BR>32yrs. young!<BR>married for 6 1/2 yrs.<BR>I was the deeply wounded spouse (I always confused the abbreviations, he cheated on me)<P>no multiple infidelities, just one big one<P>No children <P>In addition to this section of the forum, I also post in the prayer request section.<P>Since I have been here at MB, I have learned that I was deeply & totally committed to my marriage, and that I have a truly forgiving heart. <P>What have I learned about marriage? lots and lots, but I think it is more re-affirming what I already knew.<P>The divorce was final 4/30/01. Reconciliation is now a big possibility. <P>Advise to give someone who is new here......<BR>I look back on when I first came here and how desperately low I was and just didn't think I could see myself through it. <BR>You DO make it, and I think there is something to be said about the person you become when you see yourself through the storm.<P><BR> <P>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited June 07, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited June 07, 2001).]

What is your gender? <B>I'm a GIRL!</B><P>How old are you? <B>I'll be 33 in 11 days! </B><P>How long were you married? <B>10 years</B><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <B>Betrayed</B><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <B>Yes - only one physical affair that I have proof of, but numerous emotional and probably physical affairs.</B><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <B>2 sons 10 and 8, 1 daughter 7 months</B><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <B>I consider this my home forum, with occasional forays into General Questions.</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <B>That I am capable of being a good spouse. That I am OK by myself. Aloneness is not awful. That I have the right to have my own needs met, and that they are not unreasonable needs.</B><P><BR>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <B>I've learned what a good relationship looks like. I know that I never had one - I didn't know that before I came here. I know how to be a spouse. Unfortunately, I have no one to be a spouse to...but maybe one day that will change! </B><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? <B>separated and filed</B><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P><B>Take what you like, and leave the rest.</B><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I><p>[This message has been edited by BrambleRose (edited June 07, 2001).]

<BR><B>What is your gender?</B> Girlie girl<P><B>How old are you?</B> 35...I have no idea how I got to be this old...<P><B>How long were you married?</B> 15 2/3 years<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> Betrayed<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> 2 that I know of...the second one was the final one.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> 2 - 14 and 10<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum?</B> If not, where else do you post? Only here.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> Marriage was about us...affairs were about him. <P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> Needs... <P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Divorced 5/4/01<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> Beware the rollercoaster... <P><BR>Lisa<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.

What is your gender? female<P>How old are you? 37<P>How long were you married? 8 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? betrayer<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? just 1<P>Do you have children? How old are they? no children<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? yes<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I am able to put others needs before my own.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? 1. alot of men betray their wife 2. an affair can happen to anyone 3. lettings things go and not addressing them early is the biggest mistake you can make.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? in limbo, just ended my affair, not sure I want to stay married.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Be open minded and listen to everyone's advice - it can help. It made me end my affair - in fact I did it this morning <BR>

1. What is your gender? Male<P>2. How old are you? 24<P>3. How long were you married? 6 1/2 yrs<P>4. Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>5. Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Not sure. Know all about this one.<P>6. Do you have children? How old are they? Three, 7, 6, & 3<BR> <BR>7. Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? This one as well in the Infedelity and PlanA/B Forums <P>8. In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? How good of a father I can be. <P>9. In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? How marriage is really suppose to work. <P>10. Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? I am seperated and filed. My wife filed in Feb and in May I filed for PL custody of our kids. The D stuff as been left alone for almost three weeks.<P>10. What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Honesty.<P>Indy<BR>

<B>What is your gender?</B> Female.<P><B>How old are you?</B> Sneaking up on 45.<P><B>How long were you married?</B> Still am...D-day was at 11 years.<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> Betrayed Spouse<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> No, not that I know of.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they? </B> No kids.<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? </B> Mostly here; sometimes in General.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? </B> That I wasn't too good at meeting my H's needs (or even know what they were!).<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? </B> That it takes two to make it work.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> In between....separated for 1-1/2 years, no divorce filed.<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> You <B><I>WILL</I></B> get better. Hard to believe when you first start out here....but eventually, you can heal.<P><B>Other:</B> I have a whacky sense of humor, red hair and love my doggies, kitties, et. al.<P>PS. Somewhere else there is a very complete Roll Call list....just don't know where it is right now....NSR would know....<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited June 07, 2001).]

What is your gender? <BR>Female.<P>How old are you? <BR>32 (Scorpio)<P>How long were you married? <BR>June 4th marked our 7th year.<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>Oh, where to start. While dating, he had a one-nighter with my best friend. After marriage and when we began having problems, I had an affair with his permission and participation. During that I found out that he had previously had an affair with a married woman, that he hadn't told me about before we married. And now I'm the BS, and he's off with a woman that used to be a friend (and was in love with the man that was involved in my affair).<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>See above.<P>Do you have children? How old are they?<BR>Yes. One little girl, age 3, and beginning to behave like age 4.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>No -- various places.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?<BR>I'm stronger than I thought. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?<BR>Your spouse should come before your friends, work, etc. <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Separated and filed. Tentitive court date for the week of Sept. 10th.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>- It's not just one person's fault. Each spouse contributed something. <BR>- Be honest with yourself first and foremost.<BR>- If you need help (counselling, medicine, etc.), go and get it. <P>~Amy

What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 30<P>How long were you married? 5 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? No proof of any Physical Affairs, but there may have been some EA<P>Do you have children? How old are they? NONE<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? ONLY HERE<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That having true faith can really bring you through the worst times.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it is something that should never, ever be taken for granted - not one day.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Divorce going on 2 months<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Don't post as if you have all the answers. Realize that your marital problems may be in fact as much your fault as your spouse's. Treat everyone here with respect, but don't coddle them - If you disagree then do so. Don't just attack them, tell them what you think AND why. Keep an open mind - BS and WS alike... [a little more than one word!] <BR>BTW: Been here at MB for just under a year...<P><P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

What is your gender? <B>Male</B><P>How old are you? <B>36</B><P>How long were you married? <B>12 years</B><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <B>BS</B><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <B>No known infidelity except that inherent in desertion</B><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <B>No children</B><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <B>Emotional Needs</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <B>My happiness doesn't have to depend on my circumstances: I can be happy even in the midst of intense and unremitting emotional pain. I'm not sure how much of that I learned from the MB forums, though. But from MB I learned that I was a d***** good husband.</B><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <B>Whatever the cause of marital breakdown, the "fog" always looks the same.</B><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? <B>My wife filed for divorce. The process proceeds...</B><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <B>Depending on the newcomer, probably one of 1. Drop the expectations, but keep the hope. 2. Feelings are to be taken seriously, but not literally.</B><BR>

M<P>32<P>5.5 years<P>BS<P>I found out about 2 others after the seperation <P>4YO daughter <P>I post all over these boards<P>I learned I was a taker and hardly a giver<P>The most important thing I have learned about marriage is...NEVER take your spouce for granted.<P>Divorced 16 February 2001<P>Advice: Never make decisions based on emotions, There is no right way to do the wrong thing, and never <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bust</A><P>Bill<P><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited June 07, 2001).]

See? I told you I'd jump in!!<P><BR>What is your gender? Hopelessly romantic girl who can still enjoy a football game<P>How old are you? 39 yo--is that a proper thing to ask a lady?<P>How long were you married? I'm still married--12 years married and 15 years together<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? betrayed spouse<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Yup--nine total spread out thoughout all the years of our marriage.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? Two children: a boy who's 14yo and a girl who's 11yo<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I post mostly here and on the EN forum, but now and then on the GQII and In Recovery<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? Before I came here, I felt like a lumpy, ugly, unloveable 39yo pile, and now I know that I am funny and smart, that I have great faith and a deep spiritual life, that I am more emotional and intuitive (INFP) and that I am not crazy--other people "out there" can understand me and talk to me and find me fun to be with and interesting. I'm very supportive and I am a wonderful person that it is a priviledge to know. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? OMG!! Are you kidding? That we have a love bank, and that neither one of us had any balances left. A "name" for his needs and my needs, even if he won't discuss them with me. A way to identify the things that take love away. A map for recovering from infidelity. And just a TON more--way too much to write here!<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Married<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? It may seem unbelievable now, but you will survive and even grow to become a better person. Be honest with yourself, be responsible for yourself, and DO what you know you ought to do. <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Here I go:<P>I'm an all-American Farm GIRL! <P>I'm 32, ex is 34.<P>1 physical affair that I know of. (I am the BS)<P>We were together from 86-99. married 10 1/2 of those years.<P>I have 3 sons (11, 9, & 4)<P>I've learned that I was a textbook case battered wife. I've also learned that I can get a job and be damn good at it. I can be independent and only I can make me completely happy.<P>My advice: Don't jump into a divorce just because you're unhappy. Learn how to meet needs and do your best to keep your marriage.<P>Mitzi

What is your gender? Female last time I looked.<P>What is your age? 27<P>How long were you married? From 1993-1996 and 1997-2001<P>Are you Bs or Ws or both? I was a wounded spouse that <P>finally woke up.<P>Are there multiple infidelities? none<P>Do you have children? yes His name is Chantz and he is what <P>keeps me going. He will be four in july.<P>Do you only post on this section of the forum? No Where else<P>do you post?Just about everywhere where there is a topic <P>that interest me.<P>In the time that you have been on MB what is the most <P>important thing that you have learned? The most important <P>thing for me is that happiness comes from within. And that <P>I am a strong person and can make it. That it is okay to <P>exspress my feelings.<P>In the time that you have been at MB what is the most<P>important thing that you have learned about marriage?<P>Well the thing I have learned the most would have to be:<P>Marriage needs to be a partnership and not one person <P>should carry everything on themselves (like I did). To let <P>your partner know your feelings and be honest and open.<P>Are you married, in limbo,legally seperated, seperated, etc.<P>Well I am legally seperated and papers in the works just <P>waiting for the final signature.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone new here?<P>That your not alone.<P>Great Idea CJ<P>Wishing us all Well<BR>.........JJ..........<P>

Male<P>28<P>Married for almost 5 years<P>BS<P>Yes, at least two (Could be more, who knows)<P>I have an 11 y.o, she has an 8 y.o.(who I raised for his entire life), and we have a 2.5 y.o.<P>I used to post in 'Emotional Needs', now I mainly hang out here.<P>I have learned that I am not a bad person. I was caught in an unfortunate situation, and I was strong enough to pull through.<P>It takes two people to make a successful marriage. As long as both people work on the needs of each other, then there is nothing that can topple that marriage.<P>Currently seperated, STBX filed, just waiting for things to get finalized.<P>Time, it does get better with time <P>Griz<P>------------------<BR>Sometimes the hardest journeys in life are not the ones you embark on alone, but those that you choose to travel together.

<B>What is your gender?</B> male<P><B>How old are you?</B> 33<P><B>How long were you married?</B> 6 y<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B> Neither..but consider myself the major dummy.<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B> none<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they?</B> 2b@5...1g@3<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?</B> General, EN<P><B>Most important thing you've learned about yourself?</B> I was a short term thinker. <P><B>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?</B> Complete honesty...way to go...nothing short.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B> Legally Separated<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here?</B> Absorb<P>

What is your gender? FEMALE<BR> <BR>How old are you? 47<P>How long were you married? 19 YEARS<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? NOT THAT I KNOW OF!<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 2 SONS, 15 & 18<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? GENERAL QUESTIONS<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? THAT THERE ARE OTHERS EXPERIENCING THE SAME EXACT THINGS THAT I AM GOING THROUGH AND THEY UNDERSTAND IT FEELS.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? THAT IS A JOB IN CONSTANT PROCESS AND YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD ON IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. ALSO OUR SPOUSES ARE NOT HERE TO MAKE US HAPPY, WE GET OUT HAPPINESS FROM GOD!<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? HUSBAND HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE, IN PROCESS.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>READ AN POST, READ AND POST, NO QUESTION OR FEELING IS EVER TOO DUMB, SOMEONE CAN AND WILL RELATE AND HELP YOU. VISIT EVERY DAY AND WHEN YOU ARE FEELING DOWN, VISIT AND READ! PEOPLE ARE GREAT ON HERE!<P><BR>

Ok, here goes...<BR>What is your gender?<BR>female<P>How old are you?<BR>46<P>How long were you married?<BR>17 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>BS, all the way!!!<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>Well, the same woman, but over a period of three years...off and on...<BR>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>17 and `15<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>Emotional needs sometimes<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>"I will survive!!!"<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>"Communication, and watching all.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Divorced, over a yr now, separated for two years.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Take care of yourself, it is the only thing you can depend on unconditionally!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Susan