Hey Gang.... Ok, even though I'm not around that much anymore (so busy at work that I don't have time)... I'll play this game...<P>Oh, and HI JAX & Jayhawk... long time no see! <BR>*****************<P><BR>What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>32 (ok, so pushing 33 hard & fast) LOL<P>How long were you married?<BR>A few months short of 7 years (to the final decree). Together for over 8.<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>BS MAJOR BS <P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <BR>Most likely... One for sure, but I suspect several others.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>No kiddos here.. But I still have hope that someday I will.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>I don't post that often anymore, but I usually only come here... I used to post EVERYWHERE... I've been here about 2 1/2 years now.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That I'm not crazy. That I can't fix everything myself. That I am a GOOD person, and I can make it on my own.<P><BR>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR>That no matter how hard one person tries, if the other one doesn't, it won't work. And... that I won't give up on trying agian... now that I know how to communicate and have the skills to make a marriage work!<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Divorced... 2-23-2000... and finally moving on.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR>You should know better than to ask me for just ONE word! LOL...<BR>1. You are NOT Alone!<BR>2. Do the best that you can do... as long as you give it your best shot, you are not a failure... even if your marriage doesn't survive. It takes two to make it work.<P><BR>One last parting comment... a quote from my X MIL...<BR>"Just becasue one person stops loving, that doesn't mean the other person does".... <P>Smooches,<BR>B<p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited June 18, 2001).]

What is your gender? <B>I'm definitely FEMALE</B><P>How old are you? <B>old enough to know not to tell just anyone although my mental image of myself is "28"</B> <P>How long were you married? <B>if I tell you this you'll have a ballpark idea how old I am. Let's leave it at, long enough to know not to tell just anyone - Let's leave it at, we practiced marriage for 17 years</B><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? <B>BS</B><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? <B>No PAs but at least 2 EAs - one shortly after we married was with my sister who wanted no part of it.</B><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <B>I have s who is 8, d who is 10, and two cats who are 2</B><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <B>I get around</B><P>Most important thing you've learned about yourself? <B>That I am stronger than I realized. That I am more beautiful to God than I realized. That I would not be easy to live with. That I am a wonderful person. That I deserve love more abundant than that which I have known before.</B><P>What is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <B>That a good marriage is a wonderful thing requiring two committed people and one person can not keep it all together. That there are worse things than a well-earned divorce. And that what I want next time - if there is one - would be "freedom and support" which are not necessarily at odds with each other and do not preclude dedication to carrying my share of the responsibility. </B><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? <B>Very happily divorced.</B><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <B>You can't control another person. And you are not alone.</B> <P>

female.<P>Age 37<P><BR>I have been married for 17 years come July 7. Together for 19.<P>Two that I know of. One one-nighter early in our marriage(in the 80's.) He told me after discovery of current one. This one is different. It is a "relationship." As he calls it.<P>We have two children. Daughter 12, and Son 8.<P>I only post here now. I asked H for divorce 5 weeks ago. He has left the detail to me. He gave me no fights. He has wanted out since the beginning, actually since he met ow. But he did not want to be the bad guy. <P>Wht i learned about myself is that in the journey to self- friendship has been a long one. I did not know myself any more after years of throwing my self into my "roles." I am a great, loving person with her head squarely on her shoulders and I am going to make it, emotionally as well, through all of this. I am strong because of all of my work at MB and therapy. I can look forward to a new relationship in the future with another. I did not allow myself to be ruined by this unfortunate thing. <P>What I learned about marriage is that it takes work on both sides. It takes honesty about good and bad feelings. It takes forgiveness and it takes openess. Relationship takes two, not one to the other only. Communicate and listen and act to retain marriage. Status: About to file.<P>Advice: Love is not a noun, it is a verb. An action verb. Never have a non-active relationship, play, confide, flirt and deal with problems as they come, later may be too late.<P>

Well, this is interesting and enlightening I might add... okay here goes...<P>What is your gender (and more than you asked for)?<BR><I>I am a mixed race (1/2 Afr American, 1/2 Scandinavian with a splash of Cherokee Indian) "product of an affair" woman. How's THAT for a visual...?</I> <P>How old are you?<BR><I>Yeah, I'm 34 for another couple of months</I><P>How long were you married?<BR><I>9 years and counting for who knows how much longer... up to H</I><P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR><I>BS by three EAs - while living overseas</I><P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR><I>I say 3 - he says none - all friends</I><P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR><I>yeah, three God-sends... Boys, ages 4, 5 & 7</I><P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR><I>mostly here, though I check out others once in a while, like Conflict Resolution, Plan A/B and sometimes Emotional Needs</I><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR><I>I can be in control of me and I am not just a product of circumstances... I can overcome LBing behavior ... still working on it but now have a better idea of what I'm shooting for and the fruits from living like this.</I><P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <BR><I>Time together, communicating honestly, protecting others from my LB's, be willing to be willing...</I><P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR><I>limbo for sure... though he's ready to get on with the D - he said he'll wait until we're through with purchasing the house and get settled. Yeah, we're going to try "nesting" with him living upstairs and me downstairs so the kids don't suffer so much just us adults will go out of our minds I'm afraid... but I'm willing to try. </I><P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <BR><I>Never say never... think not more highly of yourself than you ought... love your neighbor <B>as yourself</B> so that means love yourself... take care of yourself... be humble... swallow your pride... well that's more than one word!</I><P>Thanks...what an interesting idea. I can be emailed at OvrCsMB@aol.com<P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17<p>[This message has been edited by OvrCs (edited July 12, 2001).]

What is your gender? Female<P>How old are you? 31<P>How long were you married? currently married 14 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? both (unfortunately)<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? one-night-stand on my side, who knows about my H...one <BR>E/P/A that I know of on his.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? Daughter (7) Son (2)<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? In recovery, Plan A/B, General Ques.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I can't tell my H no.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? There is no such thing as trust.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Separated as of today.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Do not trust the WS...check up on them. Heed your gut instincts.<P><BR>Love is blind, trust no one but yourself...<P>Cyn<BR>

What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 26<P>How long were you married? 10 1/2 months, separated for 2.5<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? Logic and intuition tell me I am being betrayed right now, even though she says not.<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? No<BR>Do you have children? How old are they? No<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Prayer request<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? I am stronger than the evil now surrounding me and the Lord will bless with good things.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? Forgiveness is the strongest act of love we can demonstrate.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Separated, she has consulted lawyers, other than that I have no idea what's going on. And she doesn't think that's wrong.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? After falling off the edge of everything you have known into the darkness, Faith can teach you one of two things, either your foot will eventually come to rest on a rock, or you will learn to fly.<P>

What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>39<P>How long were you married?<BR>19 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS or both?<BR>Betrayed<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? 2 that I know about.<P>Do you have children? 3 How old are they? <P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? I found MB today and I only post here.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I was a good wife and I am a good mother<P>In tiem you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That there are other who are hurting from their marriage. <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? separated and filed, but court date is Friday.<P>What one word of advise would you give someone who is new here? I am new, but my one word is preserver<P>

What is your gender? Male<P>How old are you? 53<P>How long were you married? 30+<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS (I believe) <P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Yes, so I have been told. No outright confession. But that was not the cause of the end of the marriage.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 2 daughters, 28, 25<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Generally here now.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That it is okay to be myself, and to stand up for my needs. <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it is a major commitment. But it is a two-way street, and if your partner does not want to meet your needs, and it continues for several years, then it is okay to take care of yourself.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Divorced, 3/7/01<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Communicate openly with your spouse about everything.

First I used to be Trs but got scared of OW and exh finding my posts and had them deleted (wish I wouldn't of but oh well) I have been originally posting since November of 2000 when H walked out never to return.<P>Gender: Well I had an H so I guess I'm a female.<BR>Age: 30 years old<BR>Married: For 7 years EXACTLY!!!!<BR>I am the Betrayed Spouse<BR>I believe this was the only affair my ex h had (OW has a record)<BR>No children just 2 wonderful dogs!! Even had them mentioned in my divorce papers!!!<BR>I have posted on Emotional Needs at first than wnet to general questions in infidelity and now I'm in the Divorced area.<BR>I have learned TONS!!! I learned that I am a codependent and that is why I chose my H to marry. I learned that I was task oriented and believed this is how you show and proove love. I am closer to God also-very important!!<P>Marriage takes work and affairs can happen to ANYONE!!!<P>My advice would be if your spouse abruptly walks out without much clues to go right to the noteable posts and threads and read the signs of an affair-I did it 2 months too late because I was in denial. <P>I am divorced as of June 18th, 2001-our 7th Anniversary....<P>Someday I will fall in love agian but first I am learning to Love MYSELF!!

We have a lot of new members around here so I thought I'd shoot this to the top and see if any of you want to tell us a little about yourself.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>29<P>How long were you married?<BR>9yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>not completely sure, only one that I know of.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <BR>no<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? <BR>yes<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <BR>That I placed to much responsiblity on my stbx to fullfill my needs and that true happiness is something that comes from yourself and no one else<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>To always treat each other as you did when you first fell in love and never take your spouse for granted<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>Aprox. 3 weeks from the divorce being final.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Hang in and never give up on yourself. The pain in the beginning -does- get better, trust me.<P>

<B>What is your gender?</B><BR>Male<P><B>How old are you?</B><BR>35<P><B>How long were you married?</B><BR>Will be 8 years 9-4-01, if we make it that far.<P><B>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?</B><BR>Sort of a BS. She appears to be in a one-sided EA. It's not the main issue, but it's contributing to her leaving me.<P><B>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?</B><BR>No.<P><B>Do you have children? How old are they? </B><BR>Yes. 6 year old daughter, 3 year old son.<P><B>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? </B><BR>yes<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? </B><BR>That my love for my wife is not a bargain ("love me and I'll love you back"). It is part of me. Loving her is both a feeling that can come and go, and a decision that I've made to act whether the feeling is there or not.<P><B>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? </B><BR>That my problems, or anyone's marital problems, are not unusual. Others have dealt with similar, and sometimes the exact same, issues.<P><B>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?</B><BR>Married. Wife moving out in 10 days. Divorce all but certain. Not giving up.<P><B>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? </B><BR>Listen.<BR>

Okay, here we go!<P>What is your gender? Female<P>How old are you? 40<P>How long were you married? nearly ten years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? Just one that I know of.<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 3 kids, 8, 5, and 3<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Only here<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I am stronger than I thought.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? That it takes a lot of hard work.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? Separated<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Support<P>

What is your gender? <P>Female<P>How old are you?<P>41 (42 in October)<P>How long were you married?<P>Will be 17 years in October<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<P>Wounded Spouse<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<P>Not that I have proof of. (Heart tells me no - but signs say maybe 1)<P>Do you have children? How old are they? <P>B (16 1/2) B (15) G (9)<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?<P>I have only posted here! But I am still new here! <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <P>That I will be ok! May take awhile, but I will survive!<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>That it takes 2 to make a marriage! <P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>In Limbo (talking to a lawyer tomorrow)<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Since I am new here- I would say read a lot of the posts. It helps, and when you are ready - start posting.<P><BR>

What is your gender? <P>Female<P>How old are you?<P>35<P>How long were you married?<P>12 years this month, 17 years total relationship<BR>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<P>BS, infidelity suspected but not confirmed<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<P>Not that I have proof of yet ( man that PI is SLOW!!!)<BR> <BR>Do you have children? How old are they? <P>B (5) G(10) 2 dogs, 1 cat<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?<P>I have only posted here! But I am still new here too! <P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? <P>That I am not as independent or strong as I thought I was.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? <P>That is not guaranteed to last without committment, dedication, hard work, openess, sacrifice, love, honesty, time, unselfishness, and lots of prayer by BOTH parties. Even then, there is no guarantee. You cannot take it for granted that just because your spouse says "I do" that He or she always "will" .<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<P>separated but not legally. H moved out 4 months ago yesterday.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? <P>Read, listen, think, pray, absorb, discuss, support, respond, reflect, and appreciate. (yes, I really can count but one word is never enough for a peoplepleaser! )<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:<P>What is your gender? female<P>How old are you? 43<P>How long were you married? almost 24 yrs<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both? BS<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation? No - just one, but it lasted over 10 years and was with another man<P>Do you have children? How old are they? 13,16,21<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post? Here and GQII<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself? That I need to listen to my instinct. That we both have a lot of unmet needs.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage? It's not always as stable as you think.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)? limbo - we're still living together and I'm trying to take it SLOWLY.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? pray <P><BR>After a little while, I will jump in with my answers, okay?<P><BR>CJ<BR>[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Female<P>41<P>11 1/2 years<P>No known infidelities - except that he keeps having emotional relationships - where he relies on others for making decisions (not women - necessarily)<P>yes - 4 - they are 16, 11, 7, and 6<P>EN board mostly before - some here<P>That I CHOOSE my reaction to others - OUCH.<P>That I've been very weak in the area of boundaries - a doormat - persay - but I allowed it.... NOT a good thing.<P>IN process of divorce - Limbo is a good word - HOW LOW CAN HE GET???? (sorry) <P>Love yourself - but follow the JOY principle - J = Jesus, O = Others, Y = Yourself Priorities are necessary!!!<P>Was THAT one word???? <P><BR>

Female<P>Age 40<P>Married 20 years this october.<P>No infidelities on his end, (unless you consider compulsive pornography use infidelity, which I do.) emotional on my end after decision to divorce was solidly made and I filed.<P>Two childrern, ages 19 and 13.<P>Did post on Emotional and Other forums. Now here.<P>I've learned that I am not alone in my feelings and that I am far stronger than I gave myself credit for. I am a survivor!!<P>What I've learned about marriage is that it often erodes over time unless each partner sustains efforts to keep the love alive. Better to maintain the Love Bank and identify emotional needs early, rather than when the marriage is in serious crisis.<P>I am separated by California law (tho still living with my H. Separate rooms) and I filed.<P>Words of advice to someone new here? Give and receive. Stay open to feedback. Take what helps and leave the rest. Often there are differing opinions about the same issue. Some will tend to be harsh in their feedback, others supportive.

What is your gender?<BR>Female<P>How old are you?<BR>32<P>How long were you married?<BR>5 1/2 years<P>Are you a BS, a WS, or both?<BR>Neither<P>Are there multiple infidelities in your situation?<BR>N/A<P>Do you have children? How old are they?<BR>Yes, 3. 11 yo. daughter, 6 yo. daughter, 2 yo. son.<P>Do you post only on this section of the forum? If not, where else do you post?<BR>Mostly this forum but have posted in EN, Poems and Resolving Conflict.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about yourself?<BR>That I can be the best person I can be with a little work.<P>In the time you've been here at MB, what is the most important thing you've learned about marriage?<BR>Communication and not taking your spouse for granted.<P>Are you married, in limbo of some kind, separated, legally separated, separated and filed, or divorced (or something in between)?<BR>Married but feel like I am in limbo.<P>What one word of advice would you give someone who is new here? Honesty.<BR>

Here we go:<P>I am all woman!<P>33<P>Will be married 8 years on August 14th. Together 10.5.<P>the BS<P>1 woman that I know of<P>no children. Tried for several years, just not in the cards I guess.<P>I post here and have replied to a few on the EN<P>Wow, I have learned so much in such a short time. I guess the most important thing I have learned about myself, is that I can be stronger than I ever thought possible!<P>I have learned that marraige is a two way street. you both have to give 100% to make it work.<P>I am married and it is getting better every day.<P>Advise: slow down and listen to yourself, your spouse, your children and make every second count.<p>[This message has been edited by eyes_wide_shut (edited July 27, 2001).]