I'll try to be brief. Basically I came to Japan 2 summers ago and fell in love but had to return to the US for 5 months to finish my BA...ok, I returned to Japan the day after my last final...my boyfriend proposed marriage to me while I was still in the US and I said yes...so I was returning to Japan an engaged women...ok,let's backtrack... once while still in the US I called my fiance and he said very formally "Oh, and how was your day today" and I said "Why are you speaking to me like I'm a stranger? Is there someone else in the room?" and he hung up and unplug the phone, I knew he did this because I got a busy signal when I tried to call again and he has call waiting...but he said the next day he was tired and couldn't remember that I even called!!! So when I arrived in Japan I was slightly suspicious but I loved him so much! So, I gave him the benefit of the doubt...I thought I was being paranoid but in the first week (we were moving apartments and I had to pack while he went to work) back with him I found phone numbers and names on scraps of paper with dates written in the corner (times when I was in the US) and I actually found about 3 long black hairs in his bed (I'm a blonde)...but I asked him if he cheated on me and he said no...he even swore to God he had been faithful but I was suspicious because I soon found out he didn't tell anyone in Japan he was engaged!!! So jump ahead a month and I am trying to use the computer which is all in Japanese and I find, accidently, his emails, and I find emails between him and a woman setting up times to meet while I was in the US! I confront him and he confesses to 5 affairs while I was away...but says he was lonely and scared of marriage, etc....(he also confessed that he didn't use any condoms because I asked, this was after he had been sleeping with me for a month, and I did develop an infection in January and have since been tested twice for AIDS and everything else but thank God I am ok) this happened in Jan. 1998, well, I was so depressed and felt too much of a fool to return to the US so I stayed and drank a lot (never done this before)...in May, I decided to get a job...I felt I needed to get out of the house and out of my depression...well, I loved my job and a month after I started we had a party at a restaurant and I invited my husband (yes, I married him shortly after hearing about the affairs) and one of the women I worked with recognized my husband and it turns out he dated her sister while I was in the US!!! Her sister was one of the 5 affairs he had!!! What a coincidence...I couldn't believe it because Tokyo is a city of 34 million and the women were all Japanese and there are a lot of them here!!! It got worse because when the sister found out she came to my work and sat in a chair staring at me (I was teaching a class so I couldn't say anything!) Then she tried to get a job at my workplace!!! I felt like I was falling apart!!! I had to confess the story to my boss in order for her not to hire this woman!!! I felt ashamed and humiliated!!! I wanted to quit my job and applied somewhere and was offered a job but my husband said I should stay at my job because quitting is what they want me to do...so I stayed and every day after work drank before my husband came home and gained 10 lbs....anyhow, I finally quit the job in December and joined a gym and starting working out every day and quit drinking and now that I am stronger I want to leave the situation but am confused because my husband is so sweet and wants to work this out no matter what...he said we can even move to the US to escape the bad memories...he says he will do anything to help repair out relationship but he can't take back what he did...but I have so much anger towards him and my anger is tearing me apart...I want to run away and start again...I know my message is long but I really need some advice...Japan has a real 'stay in the marriage no matter what' attitude...but we have no children and haven't been together long at all. And we've never been the "happy newlyweds" or had the magic of a new relationship. It's been hell since I returned to Japan and whereas I was depressed and angry the first year, now I feel numb and have no sexual feelings towards him, he just looks dirty to me. So should I just start over? I mean, I married someone too quick, I know my mistake. And I want to move out. Soon.<P><BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>