I am hoping somebody can help me with one of our main problems...his tone of voice. My husband can say something to me and not mean anything by it, but his completely sarcastic tone of voice and his facial expressions lead me to get upset by what he said. This has cause my feelings to get hurt, and me to get angry...which in turn, causes him to get very angry. Am I wrong to use his tone of voice to interpret what he says? He says that I need to take what he says at face value, and not use the other two factors at all. Help me please???

I do not believe that it is possible for humans (and even most animals) to ignore the tone in which a message is sent and the body language of the sender. Does your husband do this to you alone or to everyone? I can't see how this behavior could go unnoticed in the workplace. I would compare the way he interacts with you to the way he interacts with others, for starters. Next, I would take a look at how you react. Is there a pattern? I'm just guessing, but I wonder if perhaps there is some button pushing going on here. My husband used to pick fights with me in order to vent frustrations in a safe environment. He would do things in order to get a rise out of me that he couldn't risk with other people. You are probably not the ideal person to explain to your husband the causes and effects of his behavior. A professional counsellor would be ideal, if it could be arranged. I am not a professional and your post does not give any information about what else is going on in your marriage. If your husband is unlikely to participate in counselling with you, you can still benefit by getting some help for yourself.