As we all know, I have this new therapist who is substantially different from the past ones. She is the one who recommended the wonderful book, <B>"If The Buddha Dated."</B><P>Anyway, she's been saying that she feels I still need some closure on the marriage. The man is long gone. He has remarried. He is incapable of significant apology. He is not anyone I would like to have in my life but, for some reason, it seems there might not have been sufficient closure and release of it all.<P>So, she wanted me to do some sort of ritual ceremony. <P>And the means in which I had envisioned him leaving my life was in a small boat with no oars, paddles, rudder, tiller. Nothing. Just adrift in this tiny boat.<P>So, last week I made a boat out of a 1-gallon milk carton. I wrote his name on it. I filled it with some things we had collected. Some photographs from across the years, a copy of our wedding invitation, a piece of fabric from my wedding gown and an efigy of him - made from one of his old t-shirts and bearing his full name, the date of our marriage, and the date of our divorce. And lastly, a letter telling all the good stuff and all the bad stuff I would miss from the marriage.<P>A friend and I went canoeing last Saturday and I took this stuff with me. We got out into the middle of the river and I sat all this up in eyesight, said what I needed to say then I put him in the river. We stayed behind him for a couple of minutes then we pulled over to the shore to eat our lunch. I saw him bobbing along in the water. Then, I looked and he was gone. And I never saw that boat again.<P>But I have released him from my heart. <P>That night my friend and I went to another friend's house. Once a month she has a Native American medicine wheel and fire circle. So, I took the rest of the shirt and a pair of shorts that had belonged to this man and the rest of the fabric from the wedding gown and I put these items in the "sacred fire" and you should have seen the fire brighten and get bigger until they were consumed. <P>The next day was fathers day and, when he came to pick up the children, I gave him some very expensive gift enclosure cards I had found in a desk. They said "Mr. and Mrs. ............" I told him I didn't need them but he could have them. <P>So, I have released him from my life and from my heart. <P>When I saw Karen this week, she said she could tell I seemed to have a spark to me that she had not seen before.<P>You know, I do believe I feel better. What a wonderful release each and every time you let more of it go.

<B>WOW</B> he says with a tear in his eye and a fleeting feeling in his heart.....<P>I <I>know</I> that letting go is difficult, but doing what you did was literally letting him go, to slowly drift away. I really respect that and think the manner in which you did this was ceremony was rather unique.<P>Keep being an inspiration, Princess. I think we all need that.<P>------------------<BR><I>We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.</I><P>~Joseph Campbell<p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited June 23, 2001).]

thanks for the great idea. I'm not there yet, but will keep this in mind for the future. Physically letting him go to release him from your life and your heart...