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<BR>It seems that the A$$ is contacting people and trying to take my kids from me. Now, this from a man that hasn't seen his kids since Christmas.<P><BR>Right now I'm thinking that being back in my old life and getting my [censored] kicked by him would be much better than this....<P>

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Mitzi, I'm so sorry to hear of this turn of events. Cyber hugs for you to stay strong and fight for what is right.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}}}}}}<P>trace<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mitzi:<BR><B><BR>It seems that the A$$ is contacting people and trying to take my kids from me. Now, this from a man that hasn't seen his kids since Christmas.<P><BR>Right now I'm thinking that being back in my old life and getting my [censored] kicked by him would be much better than this....<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

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Could it be that he is bluffing or trying to get your goat? Contacting "people"? Maybe he knew it would get back to you. Any reasonably sane person would know given the circumstances that his chances are slim--that doesn't say much for him however. Such a sudden attempt seems like it is masking another reason for the move. Maybe guilt for not seeing the kids, missing them and you--and that makes him angry and confused. <P>Hang in there; I know you know that getting your a$$ kicked is not a reasonable solution, but I can understand the sentiment behind that statement. The frustration seems so unbearable. <P>(((Mitzi)))<P>

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Mitzi Offline OP
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Cheryl,<P>I wish it was that simple.<P>He actually has turned me in saying that I'm an unfit mother. People from DHHR have been in contact with my employer who happens to be my neighbor. <P>I know I'm not an unfit mother. And that's what pisses me off most. <P>And he's only doing this to hurt me. He can't get to me any other way and he knows that by threatening to take my children, it will hurt me most.<P>Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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Hi Mitzi,<P>I'm so sorry to hear your ex is pulling this stunt. I'm kind of wondering how he can pull the "unfit mother" play, with his history.<P>It is at this point that I break with all conventional wisdom and reccommend fighting to win. And that means getting mean and fighting dirty.<P>{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

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Mitzi Offline OP
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Nick,<P>I'm really not that surprised that he's doing this. He's trying to say that I'm not clean enough (no, my house isn't spotless and gets cluttered. I work 60-70 hours a week, which doesn't leave much time to clean), I don't spend enough time with the boys (Again, I work a lot but spend ALL free time with them). I don't have a bunch of men around them, I rarely drink and I don't do drugs. It's just a way to make me miserable.<P>I plan on contacting my lawyer tomorrow morning and fighting back. He owes me $4000 in back child support and another $800 for his share of some other bills. I'm filing a complaint about that. And anything else I can think of.<P>Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by c00ker:<P><BR>It is at this point that I break with all conventional wisdom and reccommend fighting to win. And that means getting mean and fighting dirty.<P>{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am with c00ker on this one. When the gloves come off, go to town on him. You mustn't let your kids end up with an abusive H.<P>

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{{{Mitzi}}}, That's dirty fighting and it sounds like you're handling it in the right way by contacting your lawyer and making a complaint about the back child support. It doesn't sound like he has any grounds, but it's still a scary thing to have to defend yourself against. My H's 1st XW once accused us of sexual molesting their son. The CPS worker who investigated concluded that she (XW) was dangerous and that we should file for full custody! So you never know how these things can work out. Good luck.

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Mitzi,<P>My jaw about hit the floor when I saw the subject line of this post. The first thought that went through my mind was "what in the hell is A$$ thinking with this stunt?" I am 100% completely and utterly doubtfounded by this one. <P>I agree with Nick, it's time to take the glvoes off and get nasty!

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Oh Mitz,<P>I'm so sorry [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I can't believe him!!!!!<P>GGGGrrrrrr [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Hang tight Hon, and yes, call that lawyer tomorrow!<P>Hugs, Sheryl

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Oh Mitzi, I am so sorry for your pain.<P>I know that this is not much consolation now but false reporting has a way of backfiring on the reporter.<P>As I tell most people in our situations, you are now in a business relationship. One must divorce (no pun intended) personal feelings from the business of the divorce and custody.<P>Try to relax. I know it is hard.<P>My thoughts are with you.

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He hasn't seen his children since December? And hasn't been paying his support? Isn't that abandonment? Wouldn't that make him an unfit father? Seems like that would be a lot easier to prove than you being an unfit mother.<P>My husband is suing me for custody of our child. Here in Florida, the burden is on him to prove I'm an unfit parent, and my bases are covered. Hey, he must have thought I was pretty OK, because he willingly left the child here with me. Also, I have tons of notes, letters, and cards from my husband (in better days) professing my skills at parenting, even one stating the boy is better off with me. Ya got any old Mother's Day cards from your husband just dripping of gooey sentiment? This is a common ploy used by spouses to get back at the other one. Hey, file one on him!<P>Nell

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Mitzi Offline OP
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Hey you guys!<P>Thanks for the support!<P>I'm really not concerned about him actually getting the boys but I just don't want to have to defend myself. I'm sure it's gonna be this way for the next 14 years. <P>He thinks that in order to get the kids from me, he has to say I'm unfit. He's gonna have to dig up a lot of "stuff" (that's not there) in order to get them. Here, if a mother is found unfit by DHHR, the children are automatically given to the Non-custodial parent. No matter what. He hasn't filed a complaint with the court, he's turned me in to DHHR as a "concerned" parent. <P>I guess I'm gonna have to being up all the stuff about him in court that I didn't want to in the first place (abuse alcoholism, drug-addiction). My lawyer knows all of this stuff but we decided to be nice and not bring it up in court in October. Now, I'm tired of being nice. Time to be a *****!!!<P>Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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Mitzi,<P>Let's see if I can do the math...your ex hasn't seen the boys since December...he owes you $800 in bills and $4000 in back support...hmmmmmmm....I can think of two things right off the bat - someone is thinking he can get out of paying back support if the boys were to go to him, and/or he's trying to impress some woman by playing "concerned father" all of a sudden.<P>In Washington State, if a parent fails to pay child support, their parental rights can be revoked, along with any state issued license like a driver's license, medical license, etc. Secondly, failure to exercise visitation can create a loss of visitation rights. You might check into either of these avenues to get him to back off.<P>Lastly, I would include asking the judge to order your ex to pay <B>your</B> attorney fees for him bringing about this unfounded nuisance complaint.<P>Get tough and stand strong.<P>Lisa

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Mitzi Offline OP
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Lisa,<P>I'm thinking the same things you are. I don't think he's worried about impressing an alcoholic barfly. But I do think that maybe he's trying to get out of the child support. <P>I went back and was looking thru some of our papers from when we went to court and guess what I found?? In one of the papers, he agrees that I "am a fit and proper person to have the sole care, custody and control of the minor children." <P>I am going to kick his A$$ in court!!<P>Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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{{{Mitzi}}}<P>Hang in there... why men feel they can go after a mother in a fit of spite is beyond me. My stbx is doing the same thing and my girls don't want anything to do with him. Fight for your kids, they are what is important!!<P>Lori

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Just a quick note. You'll be fine. I've been where you are. My ex tried that too because he didn't want to pay child support and he figured he'd have his girlfriend to take care of his kids. Judges see right through that. I was floored when I saw how well the Judge read my ex. And, I kicked his sorry butt...... It was a long, expensive and painful process but you don't have a choice. Get in there!

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Mitzi Offline OP
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Just my point...why in the hell should I have to defend myself?? which is what I'll have to do. And why would he want to be mean and spiteful? Should I be the one who is? I didn't leave him, he left me and the kids for some barfly. He was and still is a piss poor father. He doesn't see his kids and pays child support only occassionally.<P>I have done everything for my children since the day my oldest was born 11 1/2 years ago. I have spent all but a few days with them since he left 18 months ago. I've been with them when they are sick and when there were problems with homework. He spent a total of 14 hours with them last year and none so far this year. Shouldn't I be the one who is angry??<P>Well, I wasn't angry until now. How dare he say that I'm unfit!!! <P>Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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Hey Mitz,<P>Sorry to hear of your problems, I can understand your pain.<P>I have a different take on handling your x. How about Plan Aing him. I can imagine that you can use the money, but how much of it will you keep after paying lawyer?<P>I am suggesting you just ignore x, as much as you can, don't react to his meddling. It sound like he is trying to scare you into gving in on CS payments. <P>By ignoring him, you don;t have to drag yourself down to his level, perhaps save yourself some wear and tear from a court battle, etc.<P>By ignoring him too will drive him crazy, and he will eventually tick some official off with his false allegations and he will not be believed.<P>I don't know if I could do all that if my x decided she wants the kids, but thought you might want to consider that.<P>Hang In!!!<P>Bob

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{{{{{{{{{{MITZI}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Gads, what is that man thinking... I still believe in the missing leg of the 2nd X cromosome theory.. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>If you have to fight him, do it. Don't think about being nice... think about your boys. I'd be fighting down and dirty if the need arises. Do you have anything in writing from the judge who called him a dead-beat dad? I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about, no judge in his right mind would give him custody... but maybe if you fight it hard now, it might put an end to the crap now. (just a thought).<P>When you talk to your lawyer, ask him about contacting A$$'s union hall about the back CS. I don't know what the laws are like there, but it couldn't hurt. If the lawyer doesn't know, contact the CS division there and ask them. <P>You guys are in my thoughts & prayers...<BR>Butterfly [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><BR>PS ~ I'm so glad we finally got to meet!!! It was so much fun! We've definately got to do it again!<P>I've got the papers from VA Beach and Baltimore... I'm going to be sending out more resumes this week! <P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel

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