Well, I did it....hooray for me!<P>After a nervous day, and making sure I was looking good, but not overdone, he arrived and here comes the conflicting messages again, gave me a HUG when he saw me. Said hello, I was pretty cool, but friendly in talking to him. I offered him a cup of tea, which he accepted (the first thing he's accepted from me in ages).<P>The thing is I noticed he wasn't wearing his wedding ring...I hadn't thought to look before today...it's only been 10 days since he told me he wants a divorce. I had a good look and it seems he hasn't worn it for a while. Very depressed over this, but with an iron will and a knowledge of the damage it could do, I managed not to ask him about it or show my mood. (Question, do you think I should take mine off too as amessage to him or is that silly? I don't want any negatives, but it might make him think!!!)<P>So I went to read in my room as I planned, and he came and asked me a couple of things, like where is the checkbook because he needs one to pay the insurance company, and what night I was going to see the show he's in (I wasn't going at all, but he said he wouldn't mind the last time we talked - see other posts). So it went fairly smoothly, but he didn't look happy or anything...kind of a sad look around his eyes. I think he thinks I'm just trying to be civil for the sake of the kids. He didn't bring up a suggestion for the meeting time to discuss "the future", as I expected he might today, but I'm leaving that one to him.<BR>(I hope this is making sense!)<P>So now I feel strong because I didn't LB him, but also low because of the wedding ring. And gee I'd like to know the answers to more than a few questions...but I am really concentrating on letting it go, not thinking about what he's doing when he's gone, etc. It does help and gives me a sense of control, not over him, but over myself. I hope I can keep it up!!!<P>

(((Nina Too))) Way to GO!!!!!!<P>First off, since this was an issue for me, take your wedding ring off when YOU want to and when your READY to. Do not try and use this as a tool. As for him taking his off, I don't know what to say. My x used to take hers off to try to get a rise out of me. When I finally did take mine off, it took her a while to notice and it did get sort of a rise out of her, but mainly it just hurt me.<P>It really sounds like the night went well. I wouldn't push for the talk just yet. Keep on letting him see you and seeing that your doing OK. No love busting. Keep looking into those eyes, when the time is right, you'll be able to see it. Most important thing though is that you take care of you and the kids. I mean reality is he may not come back and you need to be prepared for that. You can always have hope for his return but prepare for the next chapter of your life if he chooses to close this one.<P>Keep up the good work. Keep on working on Nina.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers<P><BR>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited July 26, 2001).]

Well thanks Bill, it's great to have your support, though I've got to admit, I'm really letting this wedding ring thing get to me. Thing is, I think he did it to get to me, because when we were together, if he had it off, I'd ask him where it was, so he knew I'd notice. So more confused messages. Also, believe it or not, when he was breaking it off with OW he let me listen in on the telephone call and she mentioned that he took his ring off, so of course I'm suspecting the worst again. <P>But you know, this time I don't really want to know. I AM working on me, and hoping that the way I am now is enough....he is in a fog, but one day he will realise, and I hope it isn't too late by then.<P>I don't want to take my ring off, because I AM still married.<P>Geez avoiding LB's is like walking over a mine field!<P>

Nina, I truly do know exactly how you feel on that ring issue. My x probably took hers off twenty times, each time it was to get a reaction out of me. One day I took mine off and I sat there and just cried. About a week later she finally noticed and she reacted, but overall point is that it just made me sad. I truly wasn't ready to take it off.<P>About this love busting minefield. It's hard as hell, but you will find that as you continue to show more positive behaviors it begin's to get easier. One day you will wake up and realize that you don't "need" him, you may still "desire" him, but he will no longer be needed to make you "whole". From that day on the coaster ride will get easier. You will still have backslides but they get fewer and easier.<P>YOU CAN DO THIS AND COME OUT OK NO MATTER WHAT THE END RESULT IS.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Hi Nina Too:<P>Sorry I was gone yesterday. I am SOOOOOO proud of you. <P>The ring thing would drive me nuts too. I am glad you resisted asking him. If he did it on purpose, he probably is still wondering why you didn't. I really think the mixed messages are not intentional on his part. He may be confused and mixed messages are coming from that. <P>Keep up the good work. Work on you. No matter what happens, you will know you did what you could to be the best person you can be. <P>Also, I agree with Lost Husband, you should not take your ring off to spite him. Do it if you feel you need to for you, not any other reason.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you!<P>Michelle