My wife and I have been married for 18 years. For the past 15 the marriage has steadily deteriorated to the point where we have very little left for each other. We fight all the time, make love maybe once every two months. We don't enjoy doing things together, everything is some kind of payback. Our fights are nastier and nastier, we have no patience for each other. I blame most of our problems on her, she blames them on me. <P>We've gone to at least three different counselors over the years (one MD and two PHD's for a total of like two years worth of sessions) and nothing ever improves for more than a little while. More counseling seems pointless. Indeed, both of us do not think there would be much value in continued counseling.<P>We are different people. I realize that. She likes to "plan" everything, I'm more spontaneous. She can only "communicate" by yelling and calling names (her parent's example) and I live in "la-la land" where nobody ever fights (my parents example). My parents were alcholics and I've had to overcome multiple addictive personality traits (and have done so successfully). She has two failed marriages (and a fiance died) and has a lot of basic trust issues. We know all about unrealistic expectations, trying to make ourselves happy first, and getting our priorities straight. None if it matters as soon as one of us gets angry. <P>Neither one of us (to my knowledge) has ever been unfaithful, we have enough money and no debt, we raised two great kids (from her previous marriage), live in wonderful neighborhood, have great jobs, etc. When we should be having the time of our lives, we've been screaming at each other for years. We are wasting the best years of our lives. <P>Yet I can't make myself say "I quit." Of course a big part of me want's to stay and make it work but I've become flatly convinced it never will. Her too, I think she'd like to make it work but we just can't be happy together anymore. Too many fights, too many names called and too many terrible things said. <P>I saw a posting on here that went something like: "You know it's time to leave when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving." That is good advice, although finding that point is difficult because some days are better than others...and I don't know how bad the pain of leaving would be. <P>Why can't I just leave her and get it over with? How do I make myself go? I feel very strongly I should leave. If there is ever a chance for happiness in this life I'm going to have to find it someplace else. <P><BR>
