I really feel right now that my saying or writing 'I Love You' to my S is a major LB right now. I feel i need to keep expressing this, but she cannot return the sentiment, and I think hearing it or seeing it turns her off.<P>I am trying to Plan A hard, and I don't want her to question my love, but to express directly backfires.<P>Any suggestions?

Hi... I'm in the same boat. My H doesn't like it at all nor does he like any physical intimacy advances towards him, even a touch on the shoulder or back or something.<P>So, in line with the POJA (policy of joint agreement where you do nothing unless BOTH of you enthusiastically agree), you (and I) will have to demonstrate self-control...<P>That doesn't mean you stop loving her. Just find HER reality and HER way of receiving love from you... other than just words... how about a cup of coffee in the morning, or making a meal 2-3 times a week, or cleaning up the table and doing dishes...<P>Have you read <I>The Five Languages of Love</I>? They are:<P>a) Touch<BR>b) Time and attention<BR>c) Words of encouragement<BR>d) Gifts<BR>e) Acts of Service<P>Try finding which one most communicates to your spouse... - it sounds like Words of Encouragement may be your language - the one you most like to receive... and therefore you operate from that paradigm... you need to study the other and communicate in the language they most understand.<P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR><I>The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable</I> ~ Henri Nouwen

Perhaps because she's sensing "I love you" as a request for her to reply in kind- which is what happy intimate couples do: "I love you- I love you too." <P>If you can put it in terms that remove that sense of expectation- "I care about you, I want to see you happy, I support you," who knows what form it will take- you might get somewhere. If you can broach the subject with her, maybe you can tell her you feel she's uncomfortable when you say "I love you," and let her talk about it.

Almost 1 month past divorce, I still end 86.2% of my conversations with "I Love You". I expect nothing in return and I think that the way that I say it conveys that to her. I am simply stating my feelings. I'm planning on stopping those words when I'm ready to stop them. I have consistency and what ever you decide to do it needs to be constant.<P>But that's just me.