Well, it seems like I'm on the roller coaster again, but my EXWS has nothing to do with it. We are now divorced for a week! I haven't dwelled on that too much - just too damn sad that he threw everything away for a whore. Anyway.... <P>I've been told to move on, meet new people, go on a date... And I've done those things, but remember this has been going on for 16+ months and we had five fake reconciliations before the divorce was final. I have found that maybe I'm not ready to date. I've had two interesting "situations" and the minute I realize it, I RUN! <P>I feel like all I have done is mourn my marriage (and especially for my kids) for all this time. When will I be OVER all this crap?<P>I definitely don't want the XH back. He's burned too many bridges. But it's like I don't want to get involved and that seem to be the focus in the two situations. Isn't dating "just for fun" still around?????<P>So what do you think?

(((((((((((TM))))))))))))))<P>Just because the divorce has been final for a week, doesn't mean anything. Your heart, is not healed. It may never heal completely, I know mine hasn't. But it gets better.<P>The first few weeks after my D was final, I was numb. I kept waiting to cry, waiting to break down, and it wasn't happening. I was told that sometimes you just go numb after a painful experience to protect yourself from more hurt.<P>But believe me, it came and went in waves, the holidays are the hardest. I went thru a range of emotions, such as guilt, anger, sorrow, grief, depression, a sense of peace. You have to go thru all those emotions and it takes time.<P>You really should go thru all of them before you even begin to think of dating. It turns out that if you meet a nice guy, and he is ready for more, and you're not, he will get hurt. Or, there are guys out there, that do seek out women who are vulnerable and they can and will use you. I mean no disrespect to the great guys on the board here, but it has happened to a few of my friends.<P>Dating, means something different to everyone on the board, whether its very casual, like companionship, to serious commitment. A date itself seems to mean something different, and we've all shared many debates and fights even, on this subject. But honestly, I wish I waited longer before I started.<P>I read a great book called "rebuilding when the relationship ends", by Dr Bruce Fisher. It is a great book, known as a divorcing handbook as well. It explains a lot of what you go thru and how to heal correctly.<P>Five attempts is a lot, but you will always know in your heart you tried, and you tried your hardest. You deserve way better than what happened to you, and I hope you will find it one day (I hope I will too!).<P>Just relax, feel all your emotions, don't ignore them, or bury them or rush them. Take your time, because let me tell you the first break up after a divorce, is just as bad. I recently dealt with a break up for the second time, and it doesn't seem to get any better, matter of fact, it was worse!<P>Take time for you and be good to yourself,<BR>Big hugs!<BR>Dana<BR>

Don't rush yourself or put pressure to be over things it takes time and that time is different for everyone, I dated a few times after divorce I felt quilt at first, I met a few that wanted more than what I could give and it didn't work out, I learned from the experience. I met a few nice ones that just wanted to go out and have friendship and that was good for me, along the way of trial and error on the dating thing I have made some good friends and learned something from every situation, I feel good or bad this is how I am going to discover what I want in a person if I ever get involved again. As far as the divorce , I was numb for awhile, then sad and lonely, then back on the rollercaoster, then I realized that I had a new freedom and it was up to me to get on with my life and try new things , it has been hard because so many thing are new to me especially dating, but I am starting to have fun as i develop new skills and learn to reach out and communicate better with others. Take care of yourself and treat yourself good.<P>

Jabber:<P>Thanks for the post. I meant to thank you before for the previous one about my divorce date. It's really nice to hear from someone who has come out on the "other" side. I just don't understand these feelings... I've been told that I have a wall up a mile high by people (mostly males). But ya know, how are you supposed to feel???? Anyway, thanks so much for caring!<P><BR>Hey Dana:<P>I'm so sorry things didn't work out with Brian. I was really hoping that would be the "one." Anyway, I hear you are going to Michigan! You will be meeting our mutual pal. I wish I could be there!!! Thanks for your kind words! I think I am again in the limbo stage. Definitely don't want a man, but am enjoying the single life, if you know what I mean???? Ya'll need to call me if you get together! She's one of my favorite people! Take care of you. I hope you are REALLY doing okay. I worried about you when I saw it didn't work out. Let me hear from you!<P>TM