My husband decided early April that he needed to be on his own (left myself and three children). He didn't physically leave until July 15th of this year though. He is being treated for depression and has been in a mid life crisis for about 4 years now (started when he was 41). He has found it very difficult to communicate with me about his feelings. Why, I don't know because I have always been very open to discussions in the past. Our counselor says he has an "agenda" for his behavior. He has agreed to go to counseling but we are in the very early stages of it. My husband has purchased another house (through a best friend so that I can't lay claim to it if we divorce, I suppose) and living there now. So far he has continued to pay most of the bills he was responsible for when we were living together. He keeps saying that we need to discuss our financial situation because he is having a difficult time keeping up with the bills now. However, he says that and then never dedicates any time for us to discuss it. My position is that I didn't choose to be separated. I explained to him that the children and I didn't want him to go but if he chose to do so we would support him. He says he needs to "find himself." So, I have supported him emotionally and financially as well by continuing to pay the bills that I was responsible for when we were together and then some..........I've inherited the phone bill now. I don't see any immediate need to pay lawyers to draw up a separation agreement since he is presently paying what he is suppose to pay for the home that we once shared. Does anyone out there have any advice on this subject? Is there anyway else in Pennsylvania to create a separation agreement that is legally binding on our own (if possible) that would hold up in court in the event my husband became difficult and started to refuse to pay what he has verbally promised to pay so that our children could remain in the home they were raised in all their lives? I will support him to a point but not if it will create an undue financial hardship on me and the children. He makes three times the amount of money I do as a teacher. If he couldn't afford to be separated, then he should not have chosen that option I believe. It would have made more sense to choose marital therapy while still in the home so we could work on our relationship instead of "jumping ship" first. Your thoughts and prayers please!<P>Thanks, Donna

Until you have trouble getting money and support for children, why rush to a lawer if I think you should do nothing at this point and let him do what he needs to do keep plan A'ing. If you need it legal and on paper try to find a paralegal to help with this it will be much cheaper.<P>

Dear Jabber,<BR> Thanks for the advice. It is very comforting to know that there are people out there on the web who I can benefit from their wisdom going through the same experience as I. I appreciate the time you took to answer my posting.<P>Thanks, Donna

Donna, Ohio attorney here. Can't tell you much about PA law. That other house is not necessarily a separate asset and if there was a divorce, the person that it could be joined. If any marital funds were used to purchase it, it should be in the nature of marital property and in Ohio we have specific law on this. If you don't want a separation agreement-don't do one because you have to live it-probably. Under no circumstances would I do one myself and although people generally don't like attorneys, I respectfully disagree it would be wise(because cheaper) to a have paralegal do it. I can put together a simple separation agreement that covers everything(unless it is complex which most are not) for $200-300 and like many attorneys, I don't charge an initial consultation fee. You get what you pay for and divorce can be expensive, BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD I SUGGEST YOU PREPARE IT YOURSELF. If a paralegal can do it in PA and knows what they're doing, then at least do it that way. Wishing you well.

Sorry, one final thing. Just because you see an attorney doesn't mean you have to file anything. I don't know if your husband has an agenda and I'm not a big believer in so-called "mid-life crisis" stuff. But if you did see an attorney, at least you would know your rights and your options.

Dear Bear13lee,<BR> Thanks for your advice! I have seen a lawyer (in fact two!). The first lawyer was not very proactive. I just felt he was not as informative or helpful as he could or should have been. I have seen a second lawyer who was very helpful. She gave me some forms to complete in helping to design a separation agreement. I thought it best for my husband and myself to sit down together and work out an agreement together (if possible) and then hand it over to our lawyers to check. I hoped to do this to avoid excess fees that I as a teacher do not have mucho dinero to pay in lawyer fees. Again, my husband wanted the separation, I did not. <BR> In regards to my husband's home that he now resides in, he had his best friend purchase it. I don't believe for one minute that his friend just happened to have $155,000 to blow on another home for himself and his family. I believe my husband has an arrangement to hide this as not being marital property in the event we divorce. My husband must be paying the mortgage payments directly to his friend who in turn pays the mortgage that he took out to "purchase" the house. I checked the records in the tax assessors office and have a copy of the deed for the property.<BR> Thank you for your time and response to my posting. I appreciate your very helpful advice. God bless you!<P>Donna

Please don't sit down with your husband on this one. I oftentimes suggest to people they do that. But here, there is a history already of trying to hide assets. This are neat tricks and there are many variations, but it isn't that difficult to expose them. Unfortunately, it may require a divorce against your husband, if that is what you decide to do, joining this friend as a party and getting restraining orders that the home not be sold, nor further encumbered until someone can sort this out. lee

Dear Lee,<BR> I was interested in your comment about how it is easy to expose the hiding of assets (as in my case, my husband's new home that he is supposedly "renting"). My husband has done renovations to the house (knocking out walls and completing the interior of the house as it was unfinished when it was purchased. Supposedly, the deal is he will live in it for one year free of rent in exchange for "sweat equity" to complete the home. My husband has a degree in civil engineering and can do the work. He has purchased cabinetry for the kitchen as well as appliances, had the place painted and carpeted upstairs in the bedrooms......all of this doesn't seem right to me because HE is buying the materials, not the supposed owner (his friend). How can I prove that my husband and his friend are committing a fraud upon me in the event of a divorce? It would seem to me that they could easily hide their transaction without any paperwork trail(s) to follow. Any advice on this? Thanks again for your input!!!<P>Donna